It's Late

Sometimes I wish that everything I owned could fit in a duffel bag.

Though I love learning I am growing very tired of being a student in a classroom.

But ironically I love school.

Emilie fun fact #1: I won't know what to do with my life after college.

I want to go outside more than I do.

I'm finally starting to write poetry again, after a number of years.

Emilie fun fact #2: I think the word "poetry" sounds really snobbish.

When I hear harmony in a song, most of the time I think the person who is singing harmony should come out with their own stuff.

I heart banjo

Emilie fun fact #3: Since being home from Bosnia I have wanted to pronounce a "J" like a "Y" as in Yellow, on numerous occasions.

I get more frustrated with myself more than most people realize.

Butter pecan is probably one of my favorite ice cream flavor of all time, however I hate nuts in most anything else.

How am I going to pay off my student loans? Have no clue.

I pretty tolerant of most anybody, so it's kind of weird when little things get on people's nerves.

Hi my name is Emilie and I love my home church more and more, when I left for college I wanted nothing to do with it, so non-productive church hopping ensued. There I confess. But now I am in love.

I've never missed so many people all at once in my whole life.

I would like to take a few of my really good friends and travel, and take a lot of pictures and make silly videos.

Most of my super good friends want to be missionaries, it's gonna be awesome going to see them in their respective places one day.

I'm really excited about a certain baby girl that is going to be born very soon :) ( those of you reading this Annie is NOT pregnant, it's someone else.)

I cry almost every time someone gets baptized.

I'm going to stop writing now.

Hope you enjoyed.

All to God.

My Randomness Slightly Organized

Today has been slightly stressful, it really has been an emotional roller coaster. These were the emotions throughout the day:

Morning: tired and irritated

Mid-morning: under pressure

Late-morning: release of pressure

Afternoon: irritated

Evening: calmer, tired, slightly focused

Each one of these emotions have their reasons, they are not just listed randomly. I am a girl but mostly my emotions know their place.

I got to talk about Bosnia again today, heck I even got to sing in Bosnian. Just for the record I feel like people are super tired of hearing about Bosnia. But it has kinda been a big part of my life now. I think about that place and those people almost hourly, if not sooner.

So am I ready to just go to bed right now and wake up at 5 am? Yes, I would be totally down for that, however I have some homework that needs to get done before our weekly hall devos. I think I will try this method one evening because catching up on sleep would be a huge blessing.

Never in my life do I ever want to hear someone say that being a student is not a job (not that I really have, I'm just saying). I would even go so far as to say being a Bible college student is even more of a job, and anything branching off of Bible college that one may not necessarily get paid for.

Beth Summay if you read this, Happy Birthday (as I write this it's still your birthday). I love you, lady and I'm praying for you always.

Now I'm going to drink coffee, do some homework, get tonights devos over with and go to bed. There is a rough outline for the rest of my night. God brought me through today, he deserves all the glory.

All to God

December? Really?

TODAY.....we had a sweet cookout with the family like we do every year in the summer but this year it had to be held off until September due to 3 busy ladies (Annie, Katie, and I). We all have a blast when we get together, we love each other, and we live in extremely close proximity with each other.

However, when we were saying goodbye for the night something hit me. My cousin was saying goodbye to us and let me give you some perspective of just how close we live to each other. Between us and that cousin and his family, there is a small field, a pecan grove, another medium size field, and their house. So literally we are right down the road from each other...as is the rest of our family.

So this is what he says when we are saying our goodbyes, "see you in December." Of course December as you know is Christmas time and we all also get together for that also. When he said this I flashback to Bosnia. In Bosnia, people visit each other, if you live an hour up in the villages and you have friends in town, the friends in town make a point to come and visit. I don't know, it is sad to me when people who are especially blood kin who live not even a half a mile away say see you in December.

Lets do the math, December is three months away, sadly, I fear, I really won't see my cousins whom I love in three months, and there is no expectancy of a visit between either of us. This is sad and I want it to change, I would like to change it.

All to God

Short synopsis

I have an overwhelming desire to get back overseas.

I know I don't understand some things.

Sometimes my brain feels scrambled.

I feel behind probably a lot more than I am.

I do have feelings of inadequacy that the Enemy uses against me.

I confess I have a Maker that the Enemy cannot overcome.

My faith is tested over and over.

I feel that I pass, but sometimes hardly.

One thing I know of love of anything, it's hard to let go.

I miss a slew of people, and think about them constantly.

I want to be a missionary overseas, and I'm hungry for the field.

God knows what He's doing I should shut up and listen.

I want to live my life simply for Jesus

Those are the things on my mind this night, therefore I do not slumber.

All to God.

In Spirit and Truth

Sometimes I can't help but want to be extremely happy at the fact that I, a woman, average in height and stature, a microscopic dot on an already microscopic planet has the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I am reminded of it's power when I speak on something the Lord has put on my heart and I sometimes I look back at what I said and I didn't know that it could come out of me. I'm simple in theology and simple of mind, I'm no idiot, but I am simple.

My heart races, I get shaky, I get excited, my eyes get wide, and my voice gets louder. But what I really feel inside of me when I feel the Spirit working it's a whirlwind of emotion contained and distributed properly. I can't explain it any better than that. Then again I can't put the Spirit in a box too. But it is amazing to me how we can feel the Spirit within us and we can see it come through in people.

It is visible if you pay attention, body motions, facial expressions, and somehow you can tell they aren't acting. God is amazing I can't express it enough or more thoroughly than that. He is beyond measure and that's why He's my God, no one can surpass Him and he will never fade away. Yep our God is everything and then some.

All to God

Desire vs. Perspective

There is so much that goes on in life, I mean just today I got up, went to Sunday school, church, lunch, skate (what little I did before scraping my arm, I'm not that legit/hardcore about it), and then church in the evening. A lot happens very fast throughout our day. No this isn't a blog about how we need "quiet time" even though that is necessary too. But I got to thinking today about the things I really need.

Yes I need church and lunch (food, sustenance, etc.) Skating usually means hang out time, and of course we need community. However I was thinking about something most girls desire, and that would be to have a husband. Of course I desire the companionship and the love that comes with having a husband, I even desire the hard times that come with that commitment (most of you married people reading this are probably saying psh yeah right.) But seriously if the Lord blesses me with a man to be my husband then that would be a very welcome blessing, specially if he's one who wishes to do missions overseas long-term.

However inside everything is screaming for Jesus and Him alone. If there is not someone who is to come in my life then I have turned my mind to the perspective that if I am in the will of God my life will be what it should be and I will be more blessed than I ever imagined.

I feel in my heart that there are a lot of things we think we need resulting from things that happen throughout our day to day lives, and what we have been taught. For ladies we feel we need husbands and that we need to have babies, but the fact is, for some of us that is not our reality. I need Jesus. Plain and simple, and as hard as that is sometimes it's the only truth we can hold onto. Paul commends people who stay single and live for the Lord fully, if I am to be that person then I want to live fully for God otherwise I would get distracted.

It is odd when you've just gone through a weekend where your the only one in the house without a significant other. It makes you think on the subject a bit. So yeah, my thoughts displayed.

All to God

Headache, Internships, Calendars, and Home church

Right now I sit here with a headache. Headaches are strange for me to have because, well, I don't have them normally. So when I do get them it's like my entire head tweaks out.

Anyway, other than that randomness, I have to start getting my internship together for next summer. I am going back to Bosnia, rather than going with an organization like I did last year, I intend to go on my own. This is kinda scary but at the same time I dig it. So I have to start support raising again soon. That stresses me out but then I have at least a step that will have been started in reaching my budget for the summer (which I also need to figure up).

I need a calendar, I have to start back dating my assignments; they already seem to be bunching together. I'm not flipping out yet but before it gets to heavy I might want to invest in one.

I think that going back to my home church was a good idea. I have a lot of ideas that don't always work out (and I'm talking often). This one though just seems like it's right. My home church is in dire need for young people and I being young feel that it is unfair to focus on a church with such a growing youth and flourishing program when my church has neither. I also would like to become a part of their missions board..I'm not even sure we have an identified missions board, I feel like if that's the case then it needs to change. But I understand I cannot bombard them with changes, maybe one at a time. If they even accept them.

I have hope in that little church, that tiny light in the boonies that I love. It has it's misfits and it's "question-ables" but I love them still. We have stagnant people who would do wonders. We have lukewarm people who would be unstoppable if they were on fire for the Lord. There are people who don't understand fully, but they can seek. I love them still. Probably more than half of that church is my family from blood, I came from a good crop (not bragging) but I did, and they would be excellent servants.

Well that's my spiel for the night.

All to God