Our gift for granted

Sometimes I realize just how much I take for granted. I realize how much I take my family for granted, my schooling, my health, my very being, and even my salvation. I understand that the junk I eat goes through my body and is just that, junk. I know that my family is not immortal, and any time I get to spend with them is valuable. It is in my brain that my body is a temple and there is so much more I could be doing to care for it. I realize that what Christ did for me on the cross was the most phenomenal gift that I didn't deserve and that I should do everything I can to help people receive that gift too.

It amazes me that some people do more with no legs, arms, eyes, and other commodities than I have done with the life I've been given. It sickens me to realize that sometimes I truly believe I can't do something with what I've been given and this is absolutely

sick.

I'm not invincible, this is not the point I am trying to prove, but if you sometimes think this way as I do then we have been intoxicated with a lie. I would like to say I will take a stand and always be glad for what I have, but lets face it...we are human....and we are selfish. We feel like there has been some cause and effect fallacy here and it is beyond our means to do what we have passions for or what we strive to accomplish, "If I was ___ then I could do _____", "If I had ______ then I could do _____." We aren't grateful. 

But there is this, we can try. We can wake up and be glad we have two legs to walk on, that we are free to worship the Rock of Ages, that we can walk into a college classroom and be educated. We can do these things and praise God that we are able, that we can, that it is possible, and that in any circumstance we can do what we deem impossible according to the bounds of what we think are our limits. Our capacity is more than we know, and it is God given.

All to God

Unless you have a graveyard shift...

There is this trickery that comes with Christmas break that comes for night-owls like myself. It happens quick and quite naturally. It is.....dun dun duhhhhh....

Staying up so late that you sleep so late the next day that this vicious cycle continues.

There are nights (much like this night that I am writing this post) that I try to go to sleep at night at a somewhat decent hour but somehow fail to do so, which makes an irritated Emilie. Irritated only because when I do try to sleep I can't, so yes I am the culprit of my very own demise. Then I wonder...how I do it at college. 8am classes and such, I mean I take naps like a kindergartener but I still manage to find sleep that night at a decent hour. It must be the lack of things that need to be accomplished.

So as break has just begun I wish to fill my days with things that will stimulate movement of not only the body but the mind as well, not just sit and watch TV all day. This cycle has already started and I refuse to let it take over my entire break. 

The beauty of Christmas break is that you don't have to do anything....the downfall of break is that you don't have to do anything. 

Though I am a night owl I do love the mornings, they can be the most beautiful time of day and I miss it to the extreme when this cycle begins. I don't have to do spectacular things, but I would like to challenge myself a little more than how many movies I can watch in a day. Sleep is necessary, staying up until the wee hours of the morning are not...especially when you have nothing to do. I would like to be awake most of the days of this break and letting sleep reign over the night, not the other way around.

Happy break everyone, and sleep well!

All to God

It's that time of year again (No I don't mean Christmas)

This upcoming week is the week most of us college students in this sort of exam week rotation come to loathe. It is a week we dread but look forward to the most at the end of each semester. Oh the irony.

It's in this time that we are allowed to become selfish with our time, even when we don't want to. But often times, (I being a part of the we), we can be selfish with our time to the point we forget to share any of it with God. I know this sermon has been preached in Bible colleges everywhere at the end of the semesters, but I would go even a step further.

We forget to give time to God with each other, in fellowship. I confess, I am not a part of any small group or any other group like this. Yes, there has been opportunity out there for this however, this semester has made me look at my computer for writing papers more than looking into the faces of the people I love. Especially now that I am at the very end of my hardest semester yet and I'm still not in the clear, and pressure is still on and pressing hard.

I think I will be led beside the still waters this break

It's on us all, and we understand each other's stress and craziness. We can alleviate, if only for a moment, one another's to-do list and put things into perspective. God has given us the privilege to learn the things we learn and be tested on the things we know. Some of the things we believe are worthless but required for our education can sneak up on you in the future and then you are glad you learned it. 

This is something I have to keep telling myself, although studying seems daunting and pressure is building, and sometimes there is just one grade that stands between you and whatever comes next, it's all worth it. So maybe sometimes we need to stop and focus together on what studying and test-taking really means. For Bible college students I press you more on this. Not because we are better than anyone else and their education, but because our education is linked to our entire way of being, and also because studying can make us grow weary of the Bible which should not be the case.

Let's encourage one another to love what we learn and grow in our knowledge together, and then when the test taking is over......rest. 

We should be a sanctuary for one another's stress, let's be comforters as well as motivators.

All to God

Schmutz

Have you ever had a day where you are so mad at yourself because of something you've done, or didn't do, or how hard you make things on yourself? Yeah I had one of those days this week. I've never been incredibly organized and sometimes that makes my life kinda hard. Not like a "woe is me" kind of hard, but a "why the heck do I do this?" kind of hard.

I've always wanted to be a reasonably organized person, I feel like that would have alleviated a few bumps in the road along the way. This is a pattern that can break, but I'm sure it would be a long process.

This past week there was  a day where my inability to be organized really hit me in the face. It was a very bad day emotionally, I prayed for God to give me peace in my heart about the situation at least for now because I have to get through the rest of this semester without collapsing. I prayed for two days about this peace, and that God would take away my anxiety.

For the past few days I've felt a peace about it. I am so glad that God answers prayer because if I had to go through feeling that bad for multiple days I think I would still have sad schmutz on me, hard to wash off. The schmutz of anxiety seems to stick around and that is something I do not have time for, not now.

Just have to keep pushing.

All to God

Dressing Down

Normally when I come home I go to a traditional church setting. You got the works; singing three verses in a hymn skipping the third verse, the praise leader is not someone in a band, and suits and ties, dresses and pantyhose are ever present.

Not saying that anything is wrong with this style of setting but I do have something to offer for some feedback.

Yes, it would be nice if you the reader would scroll down after reading this and leave a comment with what you think about this subject I am about to explain.

When I am home, I usually go to my home church, and when I go to my home church I do not dress up. It is really for no particular reason, just that I am not a dressy person. However, in a traditional church setting it is most appropriate to come with your coats and ties, high heels and modest dresses, hair done ( for you fellas "coiffed" might be the right term). I will come in a T-shirt and jeans and be just as happy as a clam, but there are three things I would like to point out, it is something of a quarrel in my brain:

1. Some would suggest that putting your best before God on Sunday means mind, body, soul, and perhaps your outer image. Cleaning up well for the Lord I suppose you would say. In this regard, I almost disagree, if we are to put our best before God on Sundays then doesn't that suggest that we do not have to put our best before God every day? 

Furthermore, the outer image is nothing, to me it is rubbish, we judge to much for what is on the outside of a person. I respect what is on my body because God has blessed me with the means to cover my nakedness, and I thank God when I can look more respectable as is our culture in some occasions. In this manner I respect the outer image, nothing more, I hold my inner self more responsible than the outer.

2. In regards to culture however, (this is where I am battling myself I suppose) we are sometimes expected to look our best in these churches. Am I simply rebelling a cultural norm that does not defy God? Am I losing the chance to be more respected and accepted in my own culture because I am not being "all things to ALL people", including those from my hometown? Do I say I am so sensitive to culture but when I am in my own I completely disregard its norms because I am aware of other cultures? 

Should the observation of other cultures in the church setting be forgotten simply because we have our own culture? Absolutely not. Should our own culture be stamped out because of the intense concentration of other cultures? Absolutely not. Honestly if it were up to me, we would all be in house churches, dressing however we wanted, praising God however we see fit, but it is not up to me, I did not establish this culture.

3. This is where I am in my stance. God has called us to come, simply come and worship with other believers for a time. He did not say "Thou shalt come into the house of the Lord wearing collared shirts, neckties, and polished shoes. Thou shalt come with dangly earrings, knee-length dresses, and high-heeled shoes for this is the attire I have chosen for my people." In fact one of the most unappealing stipulations for church-going for some people is the fact that they have to get up and put on their "Sunday best" just to sit in a pue for an hour.

I don't go into church with my t-shirt and jeans to make a statement, I go because I'm comfortable, I go in them because at my own home church I feel that they will accept me for who I am in Christ no matter what I look like. Many are contemporary churches where this issue is resolved with people proclaiming to "come as you are" call me contemporary, but that is where I am right now.

Please give me feedback, it is most appreciated on this simple issue.

All to God

Joy is like butter, it should spread.

Tonight I have a pretty overflowing heart. I have a heavy heart but it is much like a sponge drenched with water to the point where it cannot take anymore in. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and it's a whirlwind of different things pouring into my heart.

I suppose it happened after two strange things happened today. I went for a run, and sometimes when I run I like to listen to worship music. I have had some of my best worship experiences while I run. So right from the start it began with a very good mood. At the start of my run all of a sudden a big whitetail doe started to sprint across the road not fifteen feet in front of me.

It scared me at first, a big beast of an animal that close to you, but afterward when it ran off I couldn't help but smile. I don't know, sometimes I'm gushy like that. Then on my return run there were dark clouds out but the sun was still hanging around, and it started to rain these huge drops of rain. I started running faster to reach the end and then the rain stopped. But then it started again, and harder so I decided to cut through the field.

I don't know what came over me, I started to laugh.

It was a joy that sometimes I get to busy to feel anymore. It was like I was God's little girl and I was in the yard playing with Dad. Then I took a shower and sat down and started thinking.

It was one of those joyous times in my spiritual life that will probably be forever imprinted in my mind, and there are those who don't get to feel that joy. There are Christian people stifling the joy of the Church because of denominational traditions or other ways. There are people who don't know Christ and are not able to feel the Spirit's joy.

So my heart is filled with this desire to see the joy on people's faces when they see Christ for the first time. When Christian people see that denomination is not what gives us joy, but the big picture; that Christ loved us enough to die in our place. This joy drives our passion to do God's work with an unconditional heart.

I'm here to spread the joy
I'm here to help people laugh with God
I'm here to see that God-given smile on someone's face


Find the joy, give the joy, and see it spread.

All to God

On the heart

Well under the name of this blog on my page it states "some of what's on the heart of a missionary in training." Here I am about to tell you what is on my heart this time. Obviously a lot is mulling around this simple mind of mine because I just returned home from the formerly known National Missionary Convention now known as the International Conference on Missions.

While I was there I heard a lot of messages from some very good Christian leaders and missionaries. A lot of heart warming stories and a lot of heart wrenching stories. I walked around and talked with some good friends and some really awesome new friends. It's always a time for people in ministry to be encouraged and feel loved by thebrothers and sisters in attendence.

I also took care of some very exciting business. This business I will share at a later date with all of my lovely readers. Let's just say at least for now I have a plan, something I've never sincerely had. This growing up thing is hard but if I can do it with what little success I have so can any average joe, for I am the female version of this average joe.

The love and encouragement I have encountered just in a few days has been overwhelmingly amazing. The convention stuck with its "commissioned" so well that I see where I have faltered in the ways that I have been commissioned as a follower of Jesus. In seeing the areas where I can improve I become excited that I can make a difference in myself and in the world through the help of God. It also makes me sad that these areas in which I falter...I haven't done anything in them until now. I see where I have lacked confidence and faith, where being the leader I should be was not enough even among human standards.

Comparatively...human standards are pretty low.

So I continue to improve to become a better witness for Christ, I would hope that you also might take a look at the commission of Matthew 28:18-20 and see what you could improve on for Christ's sake. We must love deeper, care more compassionately, be evermore brokenhearted for the lost and hurting, and live less safely. We need to do this because the world is waiting to hear about this Savior, either for the first time, or portrayed correctly. The world needs real commissioned-minded Christians.

All to God