Figuring Out Adulthood

It comes as no surprise that this blog is nothing more than a random roulette of issues, feelings, faith, aspirations, and times where I just couldn't sleep at night. Well, unfortunately I don't think that will change anytime soon because I am a random hot mess that is trying hard to get her fledgling adult life to just dive off the cliff and take flight.

There is a massive amount about life that they don't teach you in college, and while you are in college you think you are ready for it, but then you find you were terribly mistaken. Especially coming from a Bible college; yes you learn about how to interact with the non-believing world in an unoffensive way while still being bold in the faith. Of course you learn how to answer the hard questions like "well if you believe in one God and only one then why do you seemingly worship three separate gods?" Or the simple-hard questions like "Why does evil exist?"

But, we don't learn many things like you will need to get your own insurance at some point (how to get it done and who to be your provider). One day you will live on your own...are you ready to get a job that isn't exactly in line with the degree you spent thousands of dollars to attain just to pay the rent? If you get married straight from graduation (or before) do you understand that you are NOT financially stable and that you will have to make sacrifices that you will not enjoy too much. Oh you think you don't have a social life now? Wait until the homework is gone but you still are so busy with life that you can't interact on a daily basis with your best friends you made in college especially because they are flung throughout the world.

If you leave college single, get ready because almost 98% of your friends will get married and you will go to their weddings and you will love them and the fact that they are marrying the love of their life. Then after the weddings you think "I wonder where my husband/wife is." If you leave college already married get ready because 90% of your friends (who are married as well) will be pregnant with their first little pride and joy. If you are the couple that would like children, you'll start to want to be able to be stable enough to care for another little piece of both of you with their cute smiles, giggles, precious moments, and maybe even some not so precious moments.

Yes, all these statistics are legitimate and I'm not making it up ;)

Yes, I'm a big random hot mess pondering these things that we assume to be a part of the adult life. We don't even need to discuss trying to achieve that career that college is supposed to somewhat be a catalyst for. This has been true in my life, college led me into the organization I want to work with and where I wanted to minister. I was very blessed in that area, and it was a bit of confusion I was fortunate enough to not have to deal with. 

Even though college doesn't teach you about all corners of life, life itself is a beautiful journey and many terrific people help you along the way as you help them along the way. Becoming the adult person that you want to be takes time and patience and a little frustration but out of that frustration there is education. 

It's a crazy ride, and most everyone is waiting in line, anxious, excited, nervous, and all the feelings. I've just made it out of the start, there's a long way to go. 

All to God

Raising 12 Months

A year, 365 days, 52 weeks, and a whole lot of chances and changes. A year, this is my commitment for this next expedition to eastern Europe. With it comes a lot of emotions many of which are excitement, motivation, and just plain happy about the whole thing. Of course though there is a portion of this entire endeavor that drags, and drags, and drags.

Let me just clarify that support-raising is kind of great in the way that you are humbled and grateful. One has to totally lean on faith in God to help bring this along. The people that you can meet while going through this are good, solid people, and I love people! But (got to love it when someone uses the word but after saying positive things) sometimes it's just a lot of waiting and seeing, writing thank you cards (which I do sincerely mean), wondering and pondering. There comes those times when it's all kind of out of my hands and up to leaderships and individuals to think and pray on the Spirit's leading, and I can appreciate that.

Undoubtedly, support-raising can be a trying time. It's almost like school sometimes, you get a few really good grades and then you get a bad grade and start to get nervous about if you will pass or fail. I haven't gotten any terrible feedback or anything, I have been incredibly blessed. It's those moments when it all seems to come to a stand-still where I can get a little nervous about meeting the financial goal on time. However, it is a good lesson on patience and faith.

God is certainly keeping me on my toes this time around, but I have faith in him. I have faith that he will lead me to the right people to be in support of me just as I have faith that he will lead me to the right people to share the Gospel with.

I can't end this post without giving you the chance to be involved! So click on those brightly lit colored words if you think it is a possibility to get involved in this ministry. This page will show you how!

But enough of the plug. I am truly grateful for those giving sacrificially and praying, it is a privilege to have you working alongside me. There isn't enough air to breathe all the thank yous I want to say. If you read my posts regularly I have done you an injustice by not thanking you every once in a while, after all, you put up with my nonsense at times! So thank you for supporting and reading and loving!

All to God

Holding Onto Hope

It seems like these days there is a lot to hang our heads about. There is a lot to grieve and mourn because much of the world has changed, seemingly for the worse. Revolving around hate, conspiracy, paranoia, and a little chaos. I'm not just referring to what happened in Boston, I'm referring to the predecess-ing actions taken by people all around the world, in all nations and countries, done to many ethnicities, peoples, genders,  races, age groups, the scorned unborn, any and all.

It seems rare to see goodness, kindness, loveliness, joy, happiness, and all things beautiful. Why? Because news and media don't show the humanitarians and those who would never hurt anyone outside of personal defense. They don't make breaking news, those stories are thrown by the wayside or never even really heard of. Not that those people are looking for news coverage or any recognition. We see tragedy (sometimes) because it is astonishing, it's thought provoking, it's terrifying, and it's sad. Do we need to know about the tragedies of 9/11, or Newtown, or Boston? Absolutely.

I often think that we as a species understand that doing good is something that's a bit natural and so when we hear of clean water initiatives, or any other good thing helping humans better life for themselves we say "Good for them, glad people are doing what they ought." There are no extreme Facebook posts, Tweets, Tumblrs, Instagram shots, or Vine videos, our basic reaction is "Well good!" So I think that we expect our own species to do good for the species because we are a part of each other.

But I think there is something to celebrate among the wreckage. We are searching for beauty, we are reaching for joy. More and more we long for love to conquer, we yearn for kindness. This is something to be grateful for; the fact that many of us tiny humans are looking for the best in humanity, we revel in the good things, we crave unity. I think we are trying to take Ellen Degeneres' sign off line as a true goal:

Be kind to one another.

As a follower of Christ I know that we as a fallen people have only done these things to ourselves and there is no need in pointing the blame to God when it was our choice to become the creature we have become since the entrance of sin in the world by our own doing. No need in passing the buck, the bad things I do are a direct result of my sin and my poor choice to sin. The world is riddled with sin, and although I am not the one that can eradicate sin from the world I find it to be a great privilege to be able to serve God and serve people in a positive way and be a bit of a light in the world. What is awesome is that this generation is really stepping up in becoming the light of the world, knowing that they are faulty eliminating boisterous pride, yet forgiven eliminating the "pity pond" syndrome. 

My prayers have gone out to all of the tragedies that have broken my heart, and caused me to mourn inside myself. However, I am grateful to all the good going on, and I am excited to be a part of that good and one day there will be no tears, no sadness, no depression, no hatred. This is what we work for now and one day we will witness this in the presence of our King. 

Hallelujah

All to God

I Wanted Extra on my Ordinary

I've been convicted of late that, though I take my faith seriously, maybe I make light of the thing I've been taught since I was a very little girl. I was taught, rightly, to love God, his Spirit, and his Son. I was taught to live for him, and keep his teachings close to my heart. All of these things are true in my life today, they live and breathe, but many times they seem ordinary. What a disastrous word for what God has done in this world for us, "ordinary." What a watered down shame of a word to describe how you feel sometimes in your faith, this "ordinary" farse.

Though on a daily basis I realize that Jesus is not ordinary, salvation did not come through ordinary means, God did not promise us an ordinary promise, and he did not reveal to us an ordinary revelation. There are days that I feel like I carry on with this ordinary life without a second look at the extraordinary life I have been given, with the extraordinary commission that has been set before me on this path. I'm not saying I am anything extraordinary, but God has an extraordinary plan for his glory to flow through any life that is willing to carry the weight. He uses us for extraordinary purposes for an extraordinary outcome.

So why is it that I keep walking so ordinarily? What I read in the scriptures does not compel me to be ordinary, they call me to be a tool, a component of the body that moves among people for the glory of his name and what a blessing that is in itself, to be recognized as a willing heart, ready to work for the family business that our Father started so long ago. There is nothing ordinary about that.

 
Well that's my thoughts for today, I know I am not alone in this drive to work for an extraordinary purpose. I thank God for the family he has created to bring the Gospel to the world to bring glory to himself, the rightful owner of any and all glory.

All to God

Run A Mile With Me

Running is an exercise that many people dread. Running is hard, it stretches how far our bodies can go. It can make us feel like laying down and sleeping for days, and it can make us feel like drinking a bottle of water and going back out there. Running is hard, but I love it.

I love running because it does stretch my limits. In my head I'm constantly telling myself "keep going, a little further, you're not dying and you're not vomiting, keep breathing and keep going." I love going farther, I love impressing myself. I am pleased with myself with I reach one of my goals, it makes me want to eat healthier and move a lot. But every time, without fail, I think about how it is possible that one day I may not be able to run, or even walk, much less very far. I become grateful for the legs I have that are able to move quickly, and that my body doesn't crash every time I'm done with a run.

It will be a bittersweet day when I say "I used to be able to run for miles, not anymore though." I say bittersweet because if that day comes I may be an old woman and if I am privileged enough to live that full of a life then that is a gift the Lord gave me. However, that is the swift way of life, and moving around becomes less and less easy.

I love running because I can feel what it is like to have the kind of determination it takes to meet goals and fulfill aspirations. It clears my head for other areas of my life that can be stressful (aka: support-raising) and it helps motivate me to keep striving in that arena of my life as well.

I keep running to feel better in my skin, to eliminate stress that is not needed, to be fresh in motivation for the goals I've set in my life, and to thank God for blessing me with an able body. Much worship is done on my runs, I often listen to music that allows me to completely be alone with God and express to him my love and gratitude for his presence in my life.

So yeah, I love running.

All to God

The Blaring Horn of Prayer

Today I am compelled. Today I will pray. I will pray for that special place that holds my heart, tangles my guts, and renders me helpless with excitement. I pray for them many times, but today it's like a blaring horn in my head beckoning me to focus very specifically in prayer for that nation.

Naming people by name
Speaking out the names of cities and villages
Being vocal about various needs of specific individuals

I will go about the Lord's business in prayer about this nation, their people, my friends, the work, my life there. I have one of those moments when you know what the Spirit is calling you to do, and it is obvious what needs to be done. So today I will pray blessing and revelation, dreams, and words of compassion and conviction over this place.

What if we all sat down as believers all at once and prayed over the areas in the world that call out to us with hunger and thirst of the salvation of Jesus. If we all sat down with the Holy Spirit prompting our words, stirring our passions for these areas in the world. I wonder what a significant impact that would be for the people of the world and even ourselves.

Because God listens, and even though I am not present among the people I wish to serve, my God is ever-present working on the hearts and minds of those who will love him. So today I will pray that his efforts will take root in those hearts and more readily accept him as Lord and Savior filled with salvation and blessing. I will even pray that he make ready more hearts in this nation. I believe he can, and I believe he will.

So if there is a place in the world that is tender in your heart, if there is a place you feel convicted for, maybe you should join me today. Even if it is only for a few minutes, join me in forgetting our sphere of influence and remembering God's sphere of influence where through prayer we are able to be.

Many grand gestures of God have been shown because of prayer and faith of individuals. Because God listens, we should have faith that he will do what the righteous desires of our hearts ask for.

All to God

Custom Called

Hallelujah for the sun and no wind today! This makes me a very happy camper, really though..it improves my mood leaps and bounds. It has been a beautiful weekend in general which is great considering all my griping about the nasty weather this past week. Anywho....

The season is coming that is filled with romping and playing. I am one to romp and play with the best of them. I am so very glad I get to spend the majority of the spring season with my family before I shove off to Europe. It's just a pleasant time where not only flowers and trees blossom but also ideas, schemes, and plans all of the fun sort I might add. I am glad I get to make ideas, schemes, and plans with them, and make a few memories that later in life a sentence will start off with "Hey remember spring of 2013 when..." and hopefully that sentence will end hilariously.

I am so very excited about going and ministering in Europe, I am excited to work with missionaries there, and make friends with locals that will hopefully and literally last forever. I am so glad that God has laid this in my lap, I am so grateful that he entrusts me to use the Spirit wisely among these people. More and more as I find out more about myself, as life tends to be the teacher, I am glad that he is always there guiding and leading.

Every single day I think about how blessed I am that I have a family who supports me so fully even through their fears and worries. Because love casts out fear, and for the sake of my passion and the sake of the Christ-less people they cast out their fear out of love for me, and the Lord's people who he is preparing for himself. I don't care what you say, my family is the most courageous people I know. They allow and encourage their only single daughter and sister to follow God wherever he takes her, even if it is out of their midst. Not to mention all the worried cousins, aunts, and uncles, they also encourage with a heart of love which is bigger than their fears.

Beautiful days like today just put my mind in a state of thanks and gratefulness to God for giving me such wonderful people to tread this path of life with. My heart is many ties overwhelmed by my position in life, how God has used it and will use it, molding me in a way that I will be most useful. Because that's just how God is, he is personal, relate-able, and he listens. He understands the desires of our hearts and many times if we are just looking to serve him with our lives he will put us in these positions and we will find fulfillment there because it is suited for us and for his purposes. Call it custom-called.

Today I praise him for using me for his purpose in a way I grasp and embrace, though does not come without difficulty. Difficulty comes with the territory, we are not promised ease or comfort, but we are blessed through the difficulties and for that reason we must bless. I have a stellar family, and I am so ready to give those who do not yet know Jesus the biggest and best family there has ever lived; the family of God.

I'm jazzed up, and that's alright, have a beautiful day!

All to God