Thoughts through break

K so "spring" break is coming to an end and I've had a lot of time to think about my life, my mission, and my Jesus. I thought about things that were my past, and I started to feel helpless, almost scared. For the first time in a long time I felt the intense feeling of sadness and a low view of self worth. I felt like this for about a day, then I went somewhere with one of my friends and I heard a song from the band he plays in. I really enjoyed this song, and to be honest it almost made me cry. The front man was actually sort of talking and explaining something very deep. He screamed (not really screamo, more like a cry of desperation) that said "This is my love for you!" He built up the scene as if he were seeing Jesus suffer and bleed. It's a super powerful song and I am so glad my friend shared it with me, it worked in my heart that day.

As the days grow closer I get more and more excited about the mission this summer. I get more excited about the lives I will encounter, the friends I will find, and my God that I will walk with in a foreign land. I also get excited about the things I will come to terms with, I am ready to search myself, though I do it daily without even knowing it sometimes, I am excited to see where this leads me.

MY JESUS! After my day of freak out, I went running today, two miles, listening to the musical stylings of Hillsong United. Yes...I like to listen to worship music when I run, to each his (her) own. I found myself worshiping, I ran faster even though I was tired. I looked out into the field as I ran past and the sun was going down, and what I beautiful display of God's creation. My Jesus is good, He is merciful, and He guaranteed salvation to those who believe. This thought brought me out of my rut, and then made me excited about this summer. It's gonna be a good year, good summer, and overall a wonderful life if I can keep my selfishness doesn't ruin my focus. I pray that God will renew my strength daily.

All to God.