I've opened and closed a new post several times over the last month not knowing what to say, how to explain myself emotionally and spiritually. Not knowing exactly what kind of flood might come pouring out of this brain and through my fingers and have you all witness the beauty or monstrosity of it all. But as most of you have gathered not many of my postings are beautiful and most are monstrosities, but I digress.
Well, a lot has seriously been going on this month, waves of emotions and spiritual movement in every way possible. First there comes the exhilaration and motivation of the International Conference on Missions which gave me friends from far away to be with and share a small bit of life with as well as hearing phenomenal speakers that spoke truth into the lives of the audience. There with that came my passion to go and minister and be in the lives of those in Eastern Europe whom I have grown to love and those I'm sure I will get to know personally and thus love, and just pour into them as much as possible because I just....love them.
ICOM also allowed me to see little hints that the door was not shutting according to the plan to live and thrive there in those Balkans. It was encouraging and by that time I desperately needed that.
Thanksgiving. The day of thanks was a good day; got to hold a puppy (which makes for a good day any day), ate a good lunch, aunts house for dinner with family, made plans with cousins I don't see very often, came home. Lovely. Perfectly great Thanksgiving day, no complaints, not about food, family, or anything in between.
Except....about five minutes to midnight my mom comes out of her room with my dad close behind. My dad is gasping for air in a way I have never heard anyone gasp in desperation to simply breathe. Fan is turned on him. Door is open to let air in. He's panicking. 911 has been called, and we sit watching, helpless, trying to breathe for our father as if to give him sympathy breaths. Finally after what felt like half an hour but was only about 7-10 minutes the ambulance shows up, slaps oxygen on him, writes some numbers down, and away he goes. And away we went to follow.
After waiting all night in the emergency we know a few things, 1) fluid was in his lungs and 2) they are looking at congestive heart failure to be the culprit BUT we questioned it since they weren't the specialist. So about 6:30am my dad is able to be sent off to the heart hospital for further tests and solutions. So off we go.
Now, there have only been a few times where I actually wept out to God about some things weighing heavy on my heart. My dad is one of them. You see I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I'll take my chances in saying God has sent an answer to my call. The doctor comes in to talk to us about my dad's condition. It's not urgent per-say, but it is critical if a few things about my father's lifestyle do not change. It is now that he must evaluate himself and choose life or death, overcoming some things or submit to the grave prematurely. I for one am not down with the second option.
The moment I wept out to God about my father was a moment that I felt so sad about what he is going through in his mind and how he has felt he must cope. I felt helpless in that moment and the only being I could turn to is the only one that knows my dad more than my dad knows himself. I prayed that God would heal my father's mind and these coping mechanisms that hurt him so. I prayed that he might have a closer relationship with God and in this way, being a son of God would bring him a sense of worth. Over and over I just cried "heal his life, God, heal it for you!" and something to the point of "Let him know that You are enough God!"
I believe that through this experience and the severity of the situation that this is my father's chance to take back the life I know he has always wanted to live, and love the God his mother taught him to love. I believe this is the moment that God may have answered my prayer. So many of you have spoken prayers for my father without knowing him, you have spoken prayers for his physical well-being and for this I am most grateful! Now I hope that you would say a prayer for the rest of his life, to give up the things that harm him and live a renewed life, though it will be difficult, pray endurance and strength over my dad. Thank you so much for your prayers, any prayer that you have spoken on my behalf and on my family in general.
Now that I have written a novel I think I will give it a rest. I am excited for the future, to see how God will choose to use me wherever I am and especially over that there ocean. I am excited to see what God does in the lives of my family members as my dad progresses, and in the life of my dad. I love them all so much, praise God I've been so blessed because of them.
All to God.
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