Short synopsis

I have an overwhelming desire to get back overseas.

I know I don't understand some things.

Sometimes my brain feels scrambled.

I feel behind probably a lot more than I am.

I do have feelings of inadequacy that the Enemy uses against me.

I confess I have a Maker that the Enemy cannot overcome.

My faith is tested over and over.

I feel that I pass, but sometimes hardly.

One thing I know of love of anything, it's hard to let go.

I miss a slew of people, and think about them constantly.

I want to be a missionary overseas, and I'm hungry for the field.

God knows what He's doing I should shut up and listen.

I want to live my life simply for Jesus

Those are the things on my mind this night, therefore I do not slumber.

All to God.

In Spirit and Truth

Sometimes I can't help but want to be extremely happy at the fact that I, a woman, average in height and stature, a microscopic dot on an already microscopic planet has the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I am reminded of it's power when I speak on something the Lord has put on my heart and I sometimes I look back at what I said and I didn't know that it could come out of me. I'm simple in theology and simple of mind, I'm no idiot, but I am simple.

My heart races, I get shaky, I get excited, my eyes get wide, and my voice gets louder. But what I really feel inside of me when I feel the Spirit working it's a whirlwind of emotion contained and distributed properly. I can't explain it any better than that. Then again I can't put the Spirit in a box too. But it is amazing to me how we can feel the Spirit within us and we can see it come through in people.

It is visible if you pay attention, body motions, facial expressions, and somehow you can tell they aren't acting. God is amazing I can't express it enough or more thoroughly than that. He is beyond measure and that's why He's my God, no one can surpass Him and he will never fade away. Yep our God is everything and then some.

All to God

Desire vs. Perspective

There is so much that goes on in life, I mean just today I got up, went to Sunday school, church, lunch, skate (what little I did before scraping my arm, I'm not that legit/hardcore about it), and then church in the evening. A lot happens very fast throughout our day. No this isn't a blog about how we need "quiet time" even though that is necessary too. But I got to thinking today about the things I really need.

Yes I need church and lunch (food, sustenance, etc.) Skating usually means hang out time, and of course we need community. However I was thinking about something most girls desire, and that would be to have a husband. Of course I desire the companionship and the love that comes with having a husband, I even desire the hard times that come with that commitment (most of you married people reading this are probably saying psh yeah right.) But seriously if the Lord blesses me with a man to be my husband then that would be a very welcome blessing, specially if he's one who wishes to do missions overseas long-term.

However inside everything is screaming for Jesus and Him alone. If there is not someone who is to come in my life then I have turned my mind to the perspective that if I am in the will of God my life will be what it should be and I will be more blessed than I ever imagined.

I feel in my heart that there are a lot of things we think we need resulting from things that happen throughout our day to day lives, and what we have been taught. For ladies we feel we need husbands and that we need to have babies, but the fact is, for some of us that is not our reality. I need Jesus. Plain and simple, and as hard as that is sometimes it's the only truth we can hold onto. Paul commends people who stay single and live for the Lord fully, if I am to be that person then I want to live fully for God otherwise I would get distracted.

It is odd when you've just gone through a weekend where your the only one in the house without a significant other. It makes you think on the subject a bit. So yeah, my thoughts displayed.

All to God

Headache, Internships, Calendars, and Home church

Right now I sit here with a headache. Headaches are strange for me to have because, well, I don't have them normally. So when I do get them it's like my entire head tweaks out.

Anyway, other than that randomness, I have to start getting my internship together for next summer. I am going back to Bosnia, rather than going with an organization like I did last year, I intend to go on my own. This is kinda scary but at the same time I dig it. So I have to start support raising again soon. That stresses me out but then I have at least a step that will have been started in reaching my budget for the summer (which I also need to figure up).

I need a calendar, I have to start back dating my assignments; they already seem to be bunching together. I'm not flipping out yet but before it gets to heavy I might want to invest in one.

I think that going back to my home church was a good idea. I have a lot of ideas that don't always work out (and I'm talking often). This one though just seems like it's right. My home church is in dire need for young people and I being young feel that it is unfair to focus on a church with such a growing youth and flourishing program when my church has neither. I also would like to become a part of their missions board..I'm not even sure we have an identified missions board, I feel like if that's the case then it needs to change. But I understand I cannot bombard them with changes, maybe one at a time. If they even accept them.

I have hope in that little church, that tiny light in the boonies that I love. It has it's misfits and it's "question-ables" but I love them still. We have stagnant people who would do wonders. We have lukewarm people who would be unstoppable if they were on fire for the Lord. There are people who don't understand fully, but they can seek. I love them still. Probably more than half of that church is my family from blood, I came from a good crop (not bragging) but I did, and they would be excellent servants.

Well that's my spiel for the night.

All to God

Random thoughts at the moment

There are days where I just feel like writing something. It's always been an outlet for me so I'm glad to be able to share my thoughts with those who don't mind reading. Well right now I'm sitting at home with a small dog asleep by my leg. The TV is on and my mother and sister are gone and won't be back for a while. My dad has a bad headache so he's not much for socializing right now. My brother-in-law has gone to take his grandad fishing. Last but not least my other sister is in Virginia. So essentially they have left me alone with my thoughts.

I miss Bosnia..big surprise there (that right there is sarcasm). I think about it everyday, and everyone that I miss there. I see my work load and I am GOING to tackle it and I like my classes but boy it's a lot. I didn't notice until today how tired I really was. I feel a growing love for complete strangers, which is something I have been praying about. I miss eating rice almost everyday. There is a need for more exercise in my life.

So this blog is basically just random thoughts that come to my head, sorry I'm not more interesting tonight. Peace out cool kids.

All to God

I don't wanna be that kid anymore

So I've gained new perspective on school...just in time for my last two years of it.

(This will be brief it's kinda late and I felt like writing a little something before I crashed).

I know that a lot of the tasks are tedious and sometimes even a bit daunting, BUT I can't say I hate school. I used to dread it with a passionate dread and the only thing I truly and fully looked forward to was hanging out with my friends again. But through the years especially during college I have found school to be exceptionally exciting.

I mean yes, you can expect the normal classes and what you will do in them, but there are days..days that I live for, when something (specially at a Christian school) finally hits home, or really clicks in my head. These are the times I am excited about this year, I don't dread my reading load...yes it is a ton BUT what I am reading is so important for me to know. It can kind of get hazy if you listen to the crowd. People say..oh I only read the first and last chapters and then did the book report.

I'm kind of tired of being that way

I wanna actually learn and retain for once

It would be amazing to get all A's and B's this year

It would be great if I did it all in the name of the Lord (and not for my ego)

I've always been a "just get by" kid

I'd like to strive higher, because I'm learning about my Lord, His work, and His Kingdom

So yeah brief thoughts for the night and tomorrow starts a brand spankin new day and I'm stoked for it.

All to God.

No more math

Man O man, here it comes, another school year full of things to do people to meet and random occurrences that happen throughout. It's something to get used to year after year, because every time it's something completely new. I love it though I honestly do, between all the serious work that takes up most of our time, we as students come together and in some way or another we fellowship. Being with these people is like getting your dose of laughter and reality, spiritual uplifting and trials to make you stronger. That's just in a day.

I feel that my focus this year will be somewhat...well...more focused. The plus side is I don't ever have to take another math course ever! But that's besides the point. I cannot go into this school year without keeping the memories of this past summer in my head all the way through to the end. My aspiration is to become a missionary, this summer I learned more closely about what that was like. So since this is what I am going to school to be "trained" in, I just might work a little harder now that I've seen it for myself, which sounds really bad but it's true. God showed me a lot this summer He especially showed me that He wanted me to be doing this.

So I'm super excited to get back to this whole school thing with a little more vigor than usual. I miss a slew of people who taught me a lot, whether they knew it or not. I found a love for people who for some Americans are just wanting to bomb the place. I'm ready to really show my love for them, to get to school and make the grades so that I can get back to them. It's going to be a good year.

All to God