Umption in your Gumption

I'm in a really happy mood tonight, I think it's because I had a really goofy dream while I was taking a nap this afternoon. I wasn't doing anything except just goofing off being me in my dream just happy and full of fun! Praise God for that! It feels awesome to wake up from something that is suppose to be in reality. Often I lose the real goofy me, it was nice to see myself be that way again, even if it was in a dream. I thank God for that dream.

In my happy state I have to really understand priorities and understand the things I really have to focus on. Unfortunately we can't have complete joy and a carefree sense of being until we are whole and with God. We have to toil here on the earth until the work is done. Though the work is not done yet God gives us tiny pieces of what we will have. He gives us good people to rely on and amazing moments of pure awe at the works of His hands and the mention of His good news.

Needless to say I have a lot of respect for people who seem really and truly joyful most of the time. As I enter the mission field, short-term or long-term, I aim to have that joy, the kind that only God can bring. God has given me a sense of adventure, a love of laughter, and a yearning for good community. All of which make me an extremely happy and joyous person, not to mention the love of Christ, and the effective application of His teachings. I hope to be a joyful person and spread that joy with the message that I intend to share.

Me, Myself, and I

From here on out I am going to start each blog with a praise to God. Because so often I feel I start off with negative things and build to make them positive. This time however, I choose to say, praise God! The deadline has come and gone! Phew! No worries on that, just a few dollars short because the mail is slow. He has brought me through the first real step of this entire experience, and has taught me to have great faith in Him.

These past few weeks I have concentrated on a number of things spiritually, but one subject in general has caught my eye. Greed. That nasty little word that sneaks into all our lives even in the slightest. I hate it, I can honestly say I loath greed. I hate it so much because it can literally be like an anaconda coiling around its prey and squeezing it until there is no more life. Money conscious to the point that the homeless guy on the street becomes the person we say "get a job like the rest of us" to. Basically material greed, wanting the next best thing that arrives on the market, consuming until you realize that there is still a void in your life that no thing can fill.

But what has been on my mind lately on the subject of greed is the money aspect. since I have started raising support God has given and given and given, yet I feel I have given nothing back. I have a rather busy schedule, not so busy there isn't any down time but on the whole pretty filled. My mind has wandered from "giving back" I'm the poor college kid who is trying to raise money just to go to this other country to live for roughly two months. Sorry. That's what you call that excuse, purely rotten words to come out of someone who is supposed to be a devout follower of Christ. Of course I never said those words, but I have thought it, in a rephrased kind of way. What faith is this? This is greed. This is fear. This is uncertainty of a certain God. Pitiful.

So I have acted, I am starting to give back, because the little greed that creeps into my life I refuse to let it take away the life of me. Proverbs 1:19 " So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain: It takes away the life of it's owners." Spiritually I do not want greed to be the culprit of stamping out my fire. Everything is God's and God will take care of everything.

I am a worrier, I worry but I don't let people see it much and if they have they either live in extremely close proximity or are my family. My worry does not come without a touch of greed. When will I be able to get more money for the security of MY safety? This question is asked out of greed and worry. Did I mention I hate greed? The question should say, " When will I be able to give to those who are in need?" Money is temporary, it will pass away with the world and thanks be to God for that. Nothing is mine yet I strive to own it.

Like I said in the beginning through this experience of raising money, God has opened my heart to giving. He has made me want to share the things He has lent me to the world. I hope that I can do this. The prayers being sent for me come from hearts that are willing, that are not filled with greed. The money being sent for me to do this mission that I believe God has set before me comes from faithful believers, and their hearts are also not overrun with greed. I thank you all for support, prayers and financially. I thank God for all that He has given me, and for what He has given me to share with the world.

All to God.

Thoughts through break

K so "spring" break is coming to an end and I've had a lot of time to think about my life, my mission, and my Jesus. I thought about things that were my past, and I started to feel helpless, almost scared. For the first time in a long time I felt the intense feeling of sadness and a low view of self worth. I felt like this for about a day, then I went somewhere with one of my friends and I heard a song from the band he plays in. I really enjoyed this song, and to be honest it almost made me cry. The front man was actually sort of talking and explaining something very deep. He screamed (not really screamo, more like a cry of desperation) that said "This is my love for you!" He built up the scene as if he were seeing Jesus suffer and bleed. It's a super powerful song and I am so glad my friend shared it with me, it worked in my heart that day.

As the days grow closer I get more and more excited about the mission this summer. I get more excited about the lives I will encounter, the friends I will find, and my God that I will walk with in a foreign land. I also get excited about the things I will come to terms with, I am ready to search myself, though I do it daily without even knowing it sometimes, I am excited to see where this leads me.

MY JESUS! After my day of freak out, I went running today, two miles, listening to the musical stylings of Hillsong United. Yes...I like to listen to worship music when I run, to each his (her) own. I found myself worshiping, I ran faster even though I was tired. I looked out into the field as I ran past and the sun was going down, and what I beautiful display of God's creation. My Jesus is good, He is merciful, and He guaranteed salvation to those who believe. This thought brought me out of my rut, and then made me excited about this summer. It's gonna be a good year, good summer, and overall a wonderful life if I can keep my selfishness doesn't ruin my focus. I pray that God will renew my strength daily.

All to God.

"Spring" break

Well I'm officially international now, I got my passport today after about a month and a half. I was warned the process of getting a passport takes forever but I'm relieved to have it now. It's spring break....yet the season is still winter. I don't think my school understands the technicality of SPRING break but nonetheless I'm excited to have a break. My sister is actually on a "mission" trip right now. Katie is spending her spring break in Florida, I know sounds shifty, but no really they are there to work. They are working with Habitat Humanity to build a house for someone who can't do it themselves.

I've been watching some of the Olympics and as they do anyone who watches them, they inspire me. That's sounds super cheesy but they do, but not in a way that most normal people would become inspired. I put it into a missional perspective. O.K. so there are two issues I want to point out here. So the other night there was this German girl who was competing in the ski slalom, and there was this American girl who also does ski slalom and something else. The German girl ate it on the course, on ski hit the gate pole and made her go down, and this girl cried like a heaving cry on the course. Her dreams could not be reality, yet the American girl on the sidelines was legitimately upset about her friends very unfortunate fall. This was pretty cool to see, The American embraced the German, although very simple and people have these relationships worldwide, it was good to see international peace.

The second issue I would like to talk about is the determination I see in these athletes. As I was watching this I thought, I wonder how much of a difference it would be in our walk with Christ if we had such determination. Also, what if we celebrated like they do after they just received their scores and found they had the best time that day. Not saying that winning people to Christ should be counted on a scoreboard, just saying our celebration should be about the same.

I've noticed I don't really have a lot of determination for much except to become a missionary and to deepen my relationship with Christ. My goal is to have such determination and confidence not in my self but in God to use every situation for His honor.

Also, I am happy to say that my funds for this summer are coming in, and I really feel like God wants me to do this. I still have money to raise for sure, but so far people have done for me what I did not have the faith to believe they would. God is working on me, and my faith has dramatically changed, I'm not perfect, just learning.

All to God.

He knows my troubles

Lots happened this weekend, so much stress I don't even know how I made it. Let's talk about this benefit concert me and Rachel put on this weekend, such a whirlwind of emotions. It was a concert for me and Rachel to take missions trips to Spain (Rachel) and Bosnia (Me). We knew it wouldn't bring in all the money we needed but we knew it would bring in some. There were four bands. Our friend Landon and his friend Trevor played some sweet instrumental music with just drums and guitar. The Delivery (you guys should check 'em out) they were an amazing group of guys. Micah Foxx ( Rachel's brother and his band) played some sweet reggae music and again another amazing group of guys. Last but not least the Micah Watson band, they brought sweet worship music into the mix. Seriously everyone should check these guys out they are some truly blessed and musically talented people.

So this was our worry, no one would show and we wouldn't make anything. Well our faith was obviously not at it's highest caliber that night, but God showed us whose boss. Only about 20 some people were in the chapel including some people with the bands. We were also selling stuff in the back. All in all we raked in over $400. What a blessing. Our faith was so tiny that night and God showed us what his people are willing to do. We have amazing brothers and sisters in Christ around us. The bands were very supportive of us and I know for sure that me and Rachel could not thank them enough.

God is working on my faith and I feel it and I am so excited to see where that leads me. I love Him so and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get as close to Him as possible. Thanks to everyone who came out, thanks to the bands, and thanks to an amazing God who without Him I wouldn't be trying to go to Bosnia for His purposes anyway. Thanks guys.

All to God.

different things

It's that time of the week again. Ok so here's the deal, I have been a bit late in calling churches and this is something that next time I am raising support I WILL NOT hesitate on no matter how busy I get. I called all the churches and only one picked up the phone, and they said that they were not funding anymore mission efforts because they were raising money themselves to build a new building. Which for a slight second a thought crossed my mind of judgement but immediately I told myself that I do not know their situation who am I to judge them when I don't even know all the details.

Soon I will be asking my home church could I speak at some service to present myself and my passion. My church knows I am a mission major and they are glad of that but they haven't really had the chance to feel my passion and I am saddened by this. I have such a passion for missions and my own church hasn't felt that yet within me. It is my fault really, but I aim to correct that.

So I got my weekly finance report from Team Expansion again this week and I saw $30.00. Praise! It's only thirty bucks but that is thirty dollars the Lord has provided me with! He opened the heart of the giver and that is a blessing in itself. I have had a lot of givers and partners raise their heads and for them and those praying I am eternally grateful. I still have a long ways to go in raising funds for this mission but God is on His throne and this means that I am being well looked after. Praise Him!

All to God.

people are amazing

This journey, my first fundraising experience, is becoming more encouraging. In the past few weeks I have been worried about raising this money. I mean it's the middle of February, my first due day is only a little over a month away, no responses, no one really seeming interested. This made me become a little disheartened by the lack of enthusiasm, then I couldn't count myself out of the equation.

I felt lacking in spreading the news, in asking and all that because honestly I was afraid. I didn't want to ask people for money, it's their money, I didn't earn it. I kept hearing people say, well it's God's money people shouldn't feel threatened when you ask them. This is so very true. I kept getting weekly financial reports from Team Expansion (the organization I am going through with this internship) and found this: $0.00. So much for feeling encouraged, I prayed and still do pray to God that He will open up His servants hearts so that they might see the need.

God comes through, He does, and with what I've seen, and even though I haven't reached my goal I catch glimpses of light. In the last couple of weeks there were a few individuals that God opened their hearts. These individuals I don't know very well which makes God even more awesome. He is showing me slowly that I do have to have faith in people, of course not nearly as much as I should in Him but these are His people so who am I not to have faith in them?

They have inspired me, that when I am in any position to give to a missionary "in training" financial support then I should. I am also one of His people so I do not exclude myself from the opportunity, if not the privilege to give to someone who will do the Lord's work. My God is a fantastic God and His people are indeed made in His image. They will go with me to Eastern Europe, they will be with me when I see things I've never seen, when I witness things I never thought I would, when I minister to those who are in need. My appreciation cannot be expressed through words.

All to God.