Umption in your Gumption

I'm in a really happy mood tonight, I think it's because I had a really goofy dream while I was taking a nap this afternoon. I wasn't doing anything except just goofing off being me in my dream just happy and full of fun! Praise God for that! It feels awesome to wake up from something that is suppose to be in reality. Often I lose the real goofy me, it was nice to see myself be that way again, even if it was in a dream. I thank God for that dream.

In my happy state I have to really understand priorities and understand the things I really have to focus on. Unfortunately we can't have complete joy and a carefree sense of being until we are whole and with God. We have to toil here on the earth until the work is done. Though the work is not done yet God gives us tiny pieces of what we will have. He gives us good people to rely on and amazing moments of pure awe at the works of His hands and the mention of His good news.

Needless to say I have a lot of respect for people who seem really and truly joyful most of the time. As I enter the mission field, short-term or long-term, I aim to have that joy, the kind that only God can bring. God has given me a sense of adventure, a love of laughter, and a yearning for good community. All of which make me an extremely happy and joyous person, not to mention the love of Christ, and the effective application of His teachings. I hope to be a joyful person and spread that joy with the message that I intend to share.

Me, Myself, and I

From here on out I am going to start each blog with a praise to God. Because so often I feel I start off with negative things and build to make them positive. This time however, I choose to say, praise God! The deadline has come and gone! Phew! No worries on that, just a few dollars short because the mail is slow. He has brought me through the first real step of this entire experience, and has taught me to have great faith in Him.

These past few weeks I have concentrated on a number of things spiritually, but one subject in general has caught my eye. Greed. That nasty little word that sneaks into all our lives even in the slightest. I hate it, I can honestly say I loath greed. I hate it so much because it can literally be like an anaconda coiling around its prey and squeezing it until there is no more life. Money conscious to the point that the homeless guy on the street becomes the person we say "get a job like the rest of us" to. Basically material greed, wanting the next best thing that arrives on the market, consuming until you realize that there is still a void in your life that no thing can fill.

But what has been on my mind lately on the subject of greed is the money aspect. since I have started raising support God has given and given and given, yet I feel I have given nothing back. I have a rather busy schedule, not so busy there isn't any down time but on the whole pretty filled. My mind has wandered from "giving back" I'm the poor college kid who is trying to raise money just to go to this other country to live for roughly two months. Sorry. That's what you call that excuse, purely rotten words to come out of someone who is supposed to be a devout follower of Christ. Of course I never said those words, but I have thought it, in a rephrased kind of way. What faith is this? This is greed. This is fear. This is uncertainty of a certain God. Pitiful.

So I have acted, I am starting to give back, because the little greed that creeps into my life I refuse to let it take away the life of me. Proverbs 1:19 " So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain: It takes away the life of it's owners." Spiritually I do not want greed to be the culprit of stamping out my fire. Everything is God's and God will take care of everything.

I am a worrier, I worry but I don't let people see it much and if they have they either live in extremely close proximity or are my family. My worry does not come without a touch of greed. When will I be able to get more money for the security of MY safety? This question is asked out of greed and worry. Did I mention I hate greed? The question should say, " When will I be able to give to those who are in need?" Money is temporary, it will pass away with the world and thanks be to God for that. Nothing is mine yet I strive to own it.

Like I said in the beginning through this experience of raising money, God has opened my heart to giving. He has made me want to share the things He has lent me to the world. I hope that I can do this. The prayers being sent for me come from hearts that are willing, that are not filled with greed. The money being sent for me to do this mission that I believe God has set before me comes from faithful believers, and their hearts are also not overrun with greed. I thank you all for support, prayers and financially. I thank God for all that He has given me, and for what He has given me to share with the world.

All to God.

Thoughts through break

K so "spring" break is coming to an end and I've had a lot of time to think about my life, my mission, and my Jesus. I thought about things that were my past, and I started to feel helpless, almost scared. For the first time in a long time I felt the intense feeling of sadness and a low view of self worth. I felt like this for about a day, then I went somewhere with one of my friends and I heard a song from the band he plays in. I really enjoyed this song, and to be honest it almost made me cry. The front man was actually sort of talking and explaining something very deep. He screamed (not really screamo, more like a cry of desperation) that said "This is my love for you!" He built up the scene as if he were seeing Jesus suffer and bleed. It's a super powerful song and I am so glad my friend shared it with me, it worked in my heart that day.

As the days grow closer I get more and more excited about the mission this summer. I get more excited about the lives I will encounter, the friends I will find, and my God that I will walk with in a foreign land. I also get excited about the things I will come to terms with, I am ready to search myself, though I do it daily without even knowing it sometimes, I am excited to see where this leads me.

MY JESUS! After my day of freak out, I went running today, two miles, listening to the musical stylings of Hillsong United. Yes...I like to listen to worship music when I run, to each his (her) own. I found myself worshiping, I ran faster even though I was tired. I looked out into the field as I ran past and the sun was going down, and what I beautiful display of God's creation. My Jesus is good, He is merciful, and He guaranteed salvation to those who believe. This thought brought me out of my rut, and then made me excited about this summer. It's gonna be a good year, good summer, and overall a wonderful life if I can keep my selfishness doesn't ruin my focus. I pray that God will renew my strength daily.

All to God.