Let Old Acquaintance be Forgot

Well the new year is upon us. With it brings new everything, a new springtime (yeah!), new classes, new semester, a new breath of fresh air...a new tax season. There is lots to accomplish this new year, lot's of new memories to make and friends to meet. It's almost fun to think that there is another 365 days of unknown, but it's also a little scary.

Aside from the scary side of the "unknown-ness" of it all there are some pretty swanky things lining up in the new year already. A) I'm one step closer to graduating, B) My sister is getting married and I will have a new brother, C) I'm (very excitedly) going back to Bosnia! In this new year I just want to apply myself to the things I am doing, and be more confident in my abilities to do these things. In February I will be 21, and I really just want to be more responsible, even though I will eat those words when it comes right down to it.

Remember my blog titled "Betterness"? Well I am trying to achieve "betterness" in my life, it's hard but I think I'm getting somewhere with it. God is a huge part of this betterness, without him I would have no drive to become better. It has a lot to do with surrender you know? I think that we get to a point where some aspects of our lives are surrendered to him, and easily so. Well, I'm trying to get to a point where I'm surrendered to the point that I am completely sold out. I love God and I want him to be the reason for my betterness, so I fully intend on leaning on him and having discussions with him about some things.

He can better me, if I'm willing to let him. He can help me with confidence and responsibility, I am a testament to this already, just in the past two years he has changed me drastically. I love him for it, and so much more.

All to God

Doubt

I have doubts. I have many doubts about how I am going to pay off my massive student loans after college. I have doubts about where I will live while paying off these loans. I have doubts. There is nothing more demanding than money, yet for most people it is the scarcest commodity.

I will have none. I will be very poor according to American standards. While graduating will be a fantastic thing, and very long awaited, it will be bittersweet. Like I said before...I have doubts.

However, having said all of that, I cannot and will not forget the One who provides. Although I know it won't be easy, I know He will be there every step of the way, as long as I allow Him to be. There are a lot of obstacles that are financial and those that are not that I will have to deal with, some for the first time. Growing up is no fun, yes call me naive if you want, but I'm growing up the best way I know how and hopefully I am letting God guide me fully along the way.

I have doubts, God has the ultimate love and power, therefore I have nothing to fear. I know my God is with me.

Doubt Verses Faith

Doubt sees the obstacles

Faith sees the way

Doubt sees the darkest night

Faith sees the day

Doubt dreads to take a step

Faith soars on high

Doubt questions "who believes?"

Faith answers "I"

-- Author unknown

All to God

M is for Music

So I've not always had a love for music, which is surprising seeing as how much I do love it now. When I was younger I would want my friends to turn off the radio because I didn't want to hear it. Of course they were interested in Britney Spears...and I guess thats all I was exposed too and apparently hated it. Then my sisters would make me try to listen to some cd's they got and music was just a bad taste in my mouth. Sidenote: when I say younger I mean like 6 years old or so.

Well ever since then I've loved music. So...I love playing the guitar (limitedly of course), and I LOVE singing. I'm jealous of those who are musically inclined and can sit down with an instrument and just play whatever they want.

I love playing music for Jesus. I know...shocker..but its true. I feel such a happiness when I play songs that I can actually play and they mean something for the King. I absolutely find joy in it.

I thank God for putting those on this earth who pursue music, and are fantastic at what they do. Especially if it's in the name of God, and it's then that I am blessed by them.

All to God

I have You

Your all I want, nothing else

You guide my heart in it's way

So much grace, it's sufficient for me

All I want is your love..

All I want is your love...

Holy, Holy, Holy you are

I have sworn in my heart

To you, O Lord

To go where you show me

All I want is to love you..

All I want is to love you...

You overtake me

I cannot contain this beauty

I am sure of you

All I want is your love..

All I see is your beauty...

I am sure of you

I know you will never leave

I keep you

Yet I want to give you away

I want them to know..

All to God

This is my King

The God of my being, The God of my heart.

Yep that's right, it is that time when I have the privilege to worship my God and King because the God of my heart, the God of my being gave himself to dwell in human form on this earth. I always have this privilege (Thanks be to God) however it is emphasized this time of year. My mind is literally filled with images of that night, be it December 25th or March 27th, I cannot wait to find out all about it one day. That baby Savior in Bethlehem was to save the world, and he lay cooing in something similar to a feeding trough.

The God of my being, The God of my heart.

Master at birth, King of kings upon arrival, born of the Holy Spirit, Birthed to make all things new!

This is my King. He came and he is coming again, and how wonderful my song shall ever be.

This is the God of my being, The God of my heart.

All to God

It's Christmas!

Merry Christmas all you lovely blog viewers out there! The time has come to celebrate with one another. It is a beautiful thing.

Have a beautiful Christmas!

All to God

Santa Sweater

Today while sitting at McDonald's with my sisters listening to our conversation, I looked up and saw a lady with a sweater with Santa's face and above his face it said "believe". While my sisters continued in conversation I could not help but feel slightly disheartened by this sweater and what it seemed to try to accomplish.

Santa is somewhat of a magical creature to our children, though we present him as jolly and caring, viewing this shirt made me feel the loss of the focus of this season. I wondered what it would be like if this person was promoting the birth of a Savior. For the most part (and I don't wish to make anyone angry), well for the all part...Santa is indeed, a lie.

I love the jingles, I love the little claymation movies, because it's a great story, but that's just what it is, a story. Jesus is real, he was born into this world fully human and fully God. Many think this is only a story just like I am saying about Santa, but obviously I believe that Jesus is real.

Christ came into this world to give us the greatest gift ever in the history of gifts. Salvation. To be rid of everything that makes us disgusting, and make us like new all over again, over, and over again.

I'm not trying to bash parents who tell their children about Santa, I had a very smooth transition between thinking Santa was real and finding out he's not. However, thats not every kid's case. Anyway, this person with this sweater promoting the belief in Santa kinda made me think about how Jesus is being pushed closer to the edge of the cliff until society completely pushes him over.

Maybe I'm being slightly over critical, Santa is a fun character of the season but he is rapidly becoming more of the focus which I am not a fan of. Sorry if I come off to "political" on the whole Santa situation, kind of amazing what a simple sweater will make you think about. I just know that Jesus came into the world not to be snubbed out by a man who we have commercialized and who really isn't real. I have tried to look into the history of how all this Kringle stuff came about and I keep getting different stories not knowing which one to take into consideration as historically correct.

Jesus' story stands firm and thats something I can believe in.

All to God

A Tale of a Balcony

Once upon a time there was a balcony, and on this balcony sat a girl. This girl looked out over a large city which sat low in a valley. In this city there were people who spoke a language which the girl did not fully understand, though she tried, she was only there for a short time. Also the people in this city did not know the Christ that the girl knew.

As she sat on the balcony overlooking the city one evening at dusk she imagined all the people in it. She had an urge to see this place become overwhelmed by the love of Jesus, and she knew in some small way she could help a little.

She started praying for this city and the people in it, she knew God was there. She knew she was not there just for nothing.

When the girl left that city, country, continent, and went back to her own, everyday she thought about the place and the people. She still prayed about the spiritual lives of the people and she knew one day she'd be back again.

She's coming back again, and she talks to God everyday about this city, and what she can do there even for a short time. One day we will all live happily ever after.

All to God

Ain't no Stoppin us now.

Tonight was the Christmas play at church and I must say, there is some hidden talent in these young ones (younger than me so I get to say that now yes!). They were all so nervous but they all sang and said their lines great! They set aside their inhibitions and just did it. If they felt like fools, they were fools for the Lord, and he can smile on that.

I know I've talked about Poplar Chapel on this blog some, but I really think that it is going to do some good things while it's transforming. There's a lot this little church must go through to make certain changes but I am confident the leadership and the people will work in God's timing to make it all happen. Ain't no stoppin' us now.

Good job Pop'n chapel youth, and all involved with the play who made it happen (Gotta give props to my big sister Annie) :)

All to God

"Betterness"

Yes, I am done with this semester, yes I am thoroughly happy about this. Yes, I do have much preparing to do before next semester's monstrous nineteen credit hours I'm trying to conquer. But I'm not whining about that, I'm ok with that load because of the fact that it is another step closer to my goal: graduation.

As excited as I am about this semester ending, I really don't want to write a blog about that. I want to write about the fact that I really want to bring "betterness" from this break. I'm not trying to say that I want to go into this break licking my wounds and hiding in the Bible, I really want to rejoice in the name of Christ this Christmas break. I really want to focus most of my time and energy into being with Him. Not staying up till 4am and waking up at 3pm the next day I'm talking real intimacy this time around.

I want to wake up early and find myself captivated by His word and will. I want to walk and talk with Him, I want to sit at His table and talk for a while. I want to stretch my faith and my comfort zone, I want to be used as a blessing instead of stifling myself and becoming a burden.

I want to feel His Love

I want to see His Beauty

I want Him to Consume me like a fire!

I want to go into next semester with a vigor, a lasting one at that. Actually let's phrase this the way it should be taken:

I need to feel His Love

I need to see His Beauty

I need Him to Consume me like a fire!

We focus on the celebration of Jesus' birth now, and I hope that the faith I have can grow through this celebration.

All to God

Cool Stuff!

I know I've expressed this before but my friends are awesome. They are great because they make my life a big ball of fun and they make me sweet Christmas presents like this:

If you can't tell it says Emilie on it and what you don't know about this is that those are real pictures my friend took and they look really sweet. My favorites are the M and the L mainly because I love the guitar, and my friend was awesome and fit Bosnia in behind the L! So yeah My friends are great, and inspirational, intentional, creative, and I'm grateful for them all. In this regard thanks Sassy Mcsassypants for this awesome gift!

I love it!

All to God

Silence

Home from church and I have to say our preacher gets better the longer he preaches. No one is home at the present and as of right now there is a small dog lounging on my crossed leg which are propped up. It is very silent here right now with the exception of my typing.

It hasn't been silent here or anywhere I've been lately so right now is an oddity compared to the last two weeks. It's very nice not to hear other people talking and not to hear anything other than the sound f typing. It's nice to have a canine companion that can't communicate with words. I love people and I love conversation and things like this but sometimes silence is glorious. I won't have it for long so I'm savoring it right now taking time out of typing even to hear the stillness.

God is awesome in that he created in us a need to be silent sometimes, without words. Even more so he creates the timing in which this need can be tended too. The perfection of this silence right now is just that perfection.

I heard an awesome message at church, changed into comfortable clothes warm clothes, sat in my moms new rocking chair, and after everyone was gone, recognized and acknowledged the silence. His timing for our needs are relevant to our current situations and our future stresses, they are the small breaks we receive only by the divine timing that is powered by our God.

He is genuinely perfect, all that he does is perfect, even his created silence.

All to God

5 months

Two short weeks semester number 1 will be completely over. I am overly excited about this. I have a lot to do between now and then but I believe I will get it done in time, frustrated and burnt out maybe but done it will be.

Then..then will start a fresh semester, one filled with new frustrations but more than that it will be filled with a lot of memories.

However, it only means 5 more months until I get to go back to Bosnia. A couple of more months until spring again, and then I will board a plane (with a few good friends I might add) to Bosnia. I cannot wait. Last night I found myself daydreaming about the memories from this past summer and I noticed I was smiling to myself, kinda like an idiot. But I remembered all the people we met, the experiences we had and how I remember looking out over the city smiling because of God's brilliant plan, yet heart broken because of the people who don't and won't understand that plan.

It hurts me to know where those who don't or won't understand will end up. Those who are close to me and those far away are in the same boat, and I am extremely unsettled by this.

In 5 months...

All to God

Drained

Oh this week...what to say about this week. I think a word to describe this week is draining. I'm drained, spiritually, physically, emotionally. I got home tonight and delighted at the fact that I wasn't stuck in the library or in my dorm room typing page after page of papers. Though I plan to get some work done tomorrow..

It's tomorrow..

There's lots to do and I am not downplaying that, but I know I need a moment to just calm down. It's in these times that it's really hard to set aside time for just me and God, but it needs to happen. Because of the hectic nature of this week, there hasn't been much time for that, thus spiritual draining has commenced. I'm not a fan of this, maybe I can remedy this sometime this weekend. I only pray that I won't lose sanity these next two weeks, I think I can make it. School will not defeat me, with a little help from you know who.

All to God.