Exhausted

I don't get it. When will people understand that people are people and no matter what creed, race, religion, all are imperfect. I see the log in my eye and I understand that I am a girl who loves Jesus and cannot ever get it right. I can't love everyone all the time because frankly people are hard and sometimes nearly impossible to love. I tear myself apart wanting to yell at people forcing them to see my point for what it really is and knowing that I need to stay calm because slow and steady wins the race (not that I'm trying to win at anything).

The world wages a war, a war that no one on this earth will win. A war that says ALL Christians are the token children of hypocrisy and all things closed minded. A war that blames ALL Muslims for "holy wars" and terrorist attacks. A war that continues a battle for how our Earth began. A war that chooses to believe that ALL Atheists are unwilling to sit down and have a civilized conversation about God. A war that has confused love and obligation, faith and selfishness, intellect and ignorance.

It's exhausting, and I don't have an answer. I don't have answers to give people that don't believe the same as I do, otherwise my answer will be complete rubbish to their ears. I cannot give you the hard-nosed facts that you might be looking for...and no one else can either. My life revolves around one thing and one thing only: Serving Jesus with all I have.

My life does not revolve around church buildings, it does not have anything to do with multi-million dollar building funds. Nothing about my life has anything to do with what style of music you choose to play or how many people attend one congregation. It has nothing to do with an "experience" in a church. Oh and get this...the church building you stand in is not holy ground. God does not live there, get over it, it's just a brick building with a lot of fancy things in there. Also...and here's a kicker:

I don't need to see you just tell Bible stories from the pulpit. I need you to TEACH BELIEVERS HOW TO GO AND DISCIPLE because the world is dying. First and foremost I need leaders in churches to disciple their already existing believers. We don't need a feel good ceremony, nor a shaming ceremony.

The world wages a war. It rages a war because not many people how to love properly, and they don't know how to love generally. Stick with me as I, an imperfect follower of Jesus, am preaching to the choir. We are called to love the unbelievers and judge other believers out of LOVE and COMMITMENT to one another, not out of jealousy or hate. 

The war wages because we have yet to show the world who Jesus really is.

No, my life does not revolve around the word, or title "Christian" in fact I would be relieved if the word would be blotted out of existence forever. Can you tell I'm exhausted? Can you tell in the short life I have lived that I have come to some conclusions that even though men told me to believe some things that maybe...just maybe I might have found a better way? Maybe I have found that religion is like barnacles on the pilings of a pier. Adding on this and that, wavering here and there. Maybe I don't agree with some things being said from the pulpit on Sunday mornings, and maybe I don't agree with how clean the strategy of the church seems to be. I believe no religion, I have only one master in whom came life, and through whom sustains life. A master who loves and wants to be loved in return. A master who listens and responds. A master who is a rightful judge, and grace-filled one at that. 

I have the Words of my God, my Savior, and my Guide, who are one in the same. We call him Jesus, we call him Father, we call him Holy Spirit. You want me to fight with you about close-mindedness, homosexuality, Islam and jihad in the name of this religion, abortion, the big bang theory, or any other hot button thing in today's many world wars? Go ahead, I'm not going to fight you. I'm not into proving you wrong, or prove you right. You won't get to know me this way, and even if you don't want to know me or truly grasp what I believe why would I start a screaming match with you that neither of us will win? It's counterproductive on all sides. 

I'm not into fighting. Yes, I'm a soldier in this, but I'm not pointing any guns, just call me a field nurse. As for those fighting for the Church, we aren't called to fight flesh, so stop throwing grenades at those you want to share the Gospel with. This, too, is counterproductive. 

I'm torn to shreds at the way many of us reflect Jesus. He entrusted us with a task and we have adorned it with which type of worship music God accepts, and the young and old have their separate services (and the older generation wonders why the younger is sometimes so intolerant or disrespectful of their ways...you haven't taught them! You choose separation! And vice versa.) I am exhausted. 

If you found this harsh...maybe it was, or maybe you find it convicting. Maybe you agree with me. I'm not looking for affirmation. This may have been all over the place, it does feel like a little bit of my frustrations exploded, but there it is. 

I am called to love, and I accept this calling for what it means; to love. Yes, it's hard, nothing about this following Jesus business is easy...He didn't say it would be. In my life I am trying HARD to revolve everything around Jesus. It's a choice and choosing yes means going all in, giving no one a reason to dislike Jesus because of how you have portrayed him and those who love him. Yes, we are all imperfect and we will make mistakes, don't ever let anyone think otherwise as if you are above them, without sin. 

I am trying to swallow my own words. Go follow Jesus and abandon everything else that hinders you from this.

All to God