Raw Material

Sometimes we are like rubber. Sometimes we are like glue. Sometimes we are like sponges. And sometimes we are like a cement wall.

We shrug things off, even sometimes the potential of a situation. We absorb the shock but it doesn't ever really sink in. Thus the rubber.

Other times we let things stick to us almost to the point of dwelling on them. It is in these times that we don't let things go, they become a part of us. Thus the glue.

There are those times where what we take from situations seep in filling us up until we can't hold anymore. Then we need someone to squeeze us out again. Thus the sponge

Some unique times are like when we don't let anything effect us, we are guarded from all sides. Anything that hits us will be damaged and anything that bounces off of us will get no reaction. Thus the cement wall.

From the rubber we learn temporary understanding, from the glue we learn to dwell, from the sponge we learn to hold it all in, and from the cement wall we learn how to defend.

But what if we were exposed, what if we were vulnerable. God has to laugh at our "knowledge" of things, he has to laugh at us while patting us on the head and saying "good thoughts, but you have no idea". We think that in some form of fashion that each of these "materials" can help us to understand, meditate, comprehend, and defend.

God doesn't want rubber glue that soaks up things and then dries and hardens into the cement. We are malleable, we are clay. We are His material, molded everyday, in ways we don't even know, or understand. Vulnerable, exposed, raw material. Your defenses won't change that.

We are the Potter's clay he bought us at a price, and He didn't have too.

All to God

Spoiled

I feel like I might be getting a little bit more intolerant of things that don't matter, or are not necessary. In the past I put a lot of emphasis on things that meant nothing, held no water, and was of no significance to my spiritual walk with God. Sometimes I feel like American people are just whiny.

Spoiled.

Even the older generations have become accustomed to life as it is here and now. They could NEVER imagine themselves giving everything up to God and going out into the world. By the world I mean places like Africa, Europe, Asia, etc. Oh they may say "Oh yes me and my husband took a trip to Venice and it was beautiful there!" But they also might say, "But those people on the streets begging and asking for things in a different language, and by golly I couldn't understand a single word!" They only keep their money...their help...their Christianity in a tightly gripped fist.

You never hear them say "Oh me and my husband to a trip to a village in Bosnia, filled with people who are living life on a financial and physical tightrope just hoping to keep things together." Then following it up with, "Yes, we had conversations with them, we helped them with what we could, we call them friends now, we hope to go back and help more, maybe more long-term." Then ending with, "It was better than a vacation...it was for the Lord."

We whine about how our healthcare is and how the president isn't doing a great job and so on....well put it into perspective with other politic and financial uproars of the world, not counting the spiritual turmoil itself.

We. Are. Comfortable.

And we like it that way.

We have the blessings, yes, we are more like kings and queens when it comes to material things. Most of all we are princes and princesses of the king who reigns forever. This is what we should boast about, and this is what we should share.

All to God

God, the Devil, and the girl

I've made you in my image

Through my son I set you free

You will come home one day, and I'll be waiting

Don't worry, none of the world will follow you

No sickness, pain, tyranny, taxes, payments, depression

Gone. It's all gone.

Look, everything is new.

(Gnash Gnash), who is God? Who is this "father" he claims to be?

Who would want to abstain from these things? How dare he put limitations on you?

You are the master of your life! You know you best.

Don't let this "the world won't follow you" business work on you!

You're smarter than that...this world's all you got baby LIVE IT UP!

What? Limitations? You sound wicked...

I'm not so sure about you, God sounds a little nicer

That whole "everything is new" sure sounds great

I do hate paying rent, and man my migraines are killer

But...I do like to keep my money for myself

I like some indulgences here and there, thats not bad right?

Indulgences are great! They make you happy

You do want to be happy...don't you?

Take a sip, hike that skirt up girl IT'S PARTY TIME!

Don't worry with that old gray scrooge up there

I'll take you places you have never seen before!

Man that all sounds stinkin sweet!

No inhibitions, no judgement! Wow.

I NEVER have to go to church again?!

But...wait...I don't want to go to hell.

Hell? Take it from me, God wants you to have fun with life

He doesn't want you to be in a stuffy church anyway

...thats just a building, no real significance.

He'd rather have you out and about!

And who better to show you than a life of the party character like me?

Cultured, wise, yet fun and simple!

But....wait...I'm SO CONFUSED!

Why would God want to confuse me like this!

Why can't he be consistent!

Like I said he's a crazy old loon

Who knows how long it's been since he went batty

I used to live with him...he was going a little nuts then too...

And his "son" yeah just a manifestation of his looney tuned self.

Don't worry I'm here to weed him out for ya.

Unfold this God you are now questioning.

Hold on a second...you LIVED with him?

Who are you?

Some call me Lucie..

Others call me strictly Sir...

You can call me...Bossman.

Why Bossman?

A little nickname my pals call me no big deal..

So you down to follow me or should I find someone else?

This offer doesn't stand for just anybody..

The elite get it, your it.

What will happen to me when I die?

What will happen if I come with you?

You'll be a societal figure sweetheart.

Your name will be known everywhere.

Friends, so many you can't keep up with them all.

Invited to the best parties with some of the most influential people.

But what will happen when I die?

You forgot that part...

Well, you get to come live with me..

Where the party never stops, eternity will never be the same!

Me and you we can paint eternity...red, like fire.

Child, Child...

What are you doing?

I have promised life for you

and you consider death as an associate

Please come back to me, stray no further

Do you not know that the fire is real?

What's he talking about?

"The fire is real"?

Um...were you talking about a literal fire?

No, no like I said the old guys batty.

Life? Your living life right now!

I'm talking about the fire in our bellies for adventure!

The loon just doesn't want you to have any fun!

But earlier you said...

FORGET WHAT I SAID YOU FOOL!

Ahem....forgive me..just come with me!

It will be life like you've never lived it before!

What battles has he fought for you?

Have I not provided in your time of need?

I have proven myself time and again...

Yet you debate with this scoundrel

This Devil who only wants to crush you.

He knows my son has destroyed his "kingdom"

He knows I reign forever

For I created him.

I know every fiber of his being.

He cannot win over me.

Daughter, trust in me, do not look away

It's your choice.

You...created him?

You're right..I still have a house, a car.

I still have a job that I don't hate.

I can pay my rent on time every month

Wow...you're right, I got all these things fairly easily.

I never gave you the credit.

I'm sorry for my selfish ways...

It's really all your's anyway

Please forgive me for all my misunderstanding!

PLEASE!

Wait...wait WHAT?

No no no...don't say you're sorry

Stop begging for forgiveness!!!

YOU IDIOTIC WOMAN!

Foolish girl, I will eat you up.

See how he controls you so?

See how he calls you names?

See how he demands of you?

See how he threatens you?

I only ever have loved you.

My daughter, you are forgiven

My heart leaps at your utterance of recognition of sin

Wholly you are forgiven.

Take my hand won't you?

It's all your choice.

YES!

I will never let go.

Ever.

I will follow you closely.

I CHOOSE YOU FATHER!!

Not that beast who tried to trap me.

You only ever gave me choices.

He gave me an ultimatum.

I love you God, I love you.

That's my girl.

Come here to me.

Let's stay awhile.

I have things to show you.

Here I come Lord!

....I'll come for you...

You wait...

Just wait.....

Go away from here you ugly thing!

I am with my Father and there is much I must see.

You promiser of false and temporary things

I have no time for you here.

She's mine

Her life restored

Her spirit strengthened

You can't touch her

She lives a life she knows she doesn't deserve

But my love for her and her brothers and sisters is great!

How I would give an undeserving life to any of them if only they would believe!

I beckon them to come, but it's their choice.

I love them, my heart aches for their repentance

My heart breaks when they never do.

Oh how I lament my children who will never abide with me.

But she will be with me in a palace for eternity.

We will stroll together in the cool of the evening

Just as I did in the garden

Oh how I loved companionship with my creation

My children.

Oh how I hated to let them go!

They chose it...

But there comes a day where she with many others will come!

They will be with me in my courts!

Our family reunited once again.

My Son will gather them

My loves, My children

Just like her!

All to God

I don't understand

So I've noticed more recently something very odd that has gotten more intense especially this year. I haven't told anyone this, but today made it overwhelmingly clear that maybe I should at least write it.

Every time I am engaged in a worship service and singing the songs and everything, I kind of can't get through the song. I start singing and out of no where I feel like I want to just cry. Every song almost, especially the ones that really mean something to me I feel like just putting my face in my hands and cry.

I don't know why, not sure if it's something I'm suppressing, conviction, I'm not even sure if it's a happy cry. I just know it wells up inside of me and I refuse to let it out (I'm not a cryer in front of people, especially if the lights are on in a worship service). So I stop singing because this overwhelming feeling to cry comes over me and I can't sing anymore. I quickly get rid of the lump in my throat and sing again, only to have it resurface.

I'm not sure why it happens, haven't figured it out yet, but I would really like to figure this thing out...maybe I just need a good cry..who knows.

All to God

Needing to seek

I've always wanted to love people the way God loves us.

I've always wanted to see people through God's eyes.

I've always wanted the discernment it takes to deal with people

I love people

and I love God

All these "wants" are really "needs"

Wanting something does not insure that you will go after it.

Needing something on the other hand will drive you to go after it.

I need the love, the eyes, the discernment

I need them so I am driven to seek it out.

All to God

Burnout in the mind

I was driving back to school from home last weekend and I was thinking about how much concentration it takes to stay focused on academics. How we put so much time into our mental state that we neglect the physical and spiritual. I'm using the word "mental" in the sense of knowledge and attaining it. Not mental issues.

We focus on education and rightly so, however we stress ourselves with getting the grades and being on the deans list every semester (a little exaggerative..I know), you understand. We get to a point where we no longer care about what we eat, or our time with God. We figure that after our Christian University education we can start our lives listening to God instead of actually learning about him and his ministry. But the truth is, both must coincide. Constantly striving to know more about Him while giving Him the time to talk to you, speak to your heart.

God gave us these bodies, for the moment we are stuck here in these bodies. So while we are in these bodies, learning about God and his plan for our lives and for the salvation of those who have not heard, we need to take care of them. We need to stay healthy so that the rest of our selves can excel. "Selves" meaning the spiritual and mental states, without the physical staying active and energetic, the mind and spirit will suffer. Take time out to stretch your body, even possibly to a limit, eat good stuff, drink water for heaven sake (some of you would say I would be the last to give that advice, but I do love water).

Our spiritual state drives us. God made it as pliable and mold-able as we want to keep it. Staying so super focused on those 4.0 GPAs makes us forget about the God we serve and the wonderful peace we have when we allow the molding to ensue. The better we allow time to be with God, the better our spiritual state will be. It's science! Oh no...not science. It's faith! Yeah there we go.

These three "aspects" of life seem to always flow in what I view them as different tracks, when what they should be is a beautiful swirling intertwining mass of harmonious goodness. What I guess I am alluding to is compartmentalizing life. The biggest parts of us, mentally, physically, and spiritually, seem to somehow find their own little corners and hide away. But Christ should be the center of them all. That's sometimes (sometimes lots of times) hard for us. It's hard for me, and I know I'm not the only one.

Am I downgrading academics? No, I am simply pointing out that, especially Americans, tend to focus on their schooling and how far up the chain they can go and before long all that training does not mean fulfillment. We look back after all that and think that we didn't give enough time to what mattered over everything; time with the Father.

I know from experience when I have felt an insane emptiness I know it's been to long, I haven't visited in a while. Theres a lot of concentration that goes into it all. I want the beautiful swirling intertwining mass of harmonious goodness, and all of it starts with Christ, it ends with him too.

I'll even take it with the punches.

All to God

Women, What to do?

So there's this thing that has been snagged on my heart lately, I've discussed it with my mom and some of my friends. It's a little touchy with some people but sometimes touchy subjects (which aren't touched on much at all) need to be addressed. Even by just the individual, such as myself.

First of all, in my mind I'm asking, where are all the Christian women role models? There are many good Christian women who are wonderful, and fortunately I have a few good Christian women role models (All of which are older than me, some ten, twenty years). I say that not to embarrass anyone about their age because they are all still beautiful, youthful women of whom I would never want to insult. I say this because;

a) Maybe it does take time to really be at the point where you can be a role model for young women.

b) Or maybe we as women have become so inward looking and not understanding of the need for strong Christian women, who even through admitting their flaws still understand who they are, and their purpose.

These are not concrete statements of my unfaltering belief, these are questions. I find that even within myself I look inside and dwell on my shortcomings instead of trying to achieve that "betterness" I keep talking about.

Also, the next thing stuck on my mind is (dun dun dun..) the position of women in the church. I have observed many bias' about women in the church and without crossing boundaries I feel that I have some opinions that, for the review of the reader, may be valuable to think about and form an opinion over. I am no feminist by any means, but as a woman...who is of the church, these are things to think about especially when forming a theology over such things.

Do I believe that women should be a senior minister of a church? No. Do I think a woman should be able to claim elder-ship, or deacon-ship in the church? No. Do I think women should be allowed to be on the church board system? Yes. Do I think that major decisions in the church should be dealt with by men and women? Yes. Do I think that women should be youth ministers? Yes. Do I think women should be missionaries? ABSOLUTELY.

......Do I think women should be allowed to take preaching classes? Yes. Do I think women should be allowed to be in the preaching major? No.

These last two opinions on my part I would like to explain. You see at my school (which I love dearly PLEASE do not misinterpret me) us ladies are not allowed to be in the preaching program..that's ok I'm fine with that. However I do feel that women should be allowed to take some preaching courses because;

a) I am going to be a missionary, along with many other women that I know. With that being said as mission work continues messages of hope flow constantly to the people who are being ministered too. I feel it would be beneficial for missionary women (especially those with no husband) to learn a bit about the fundamentals of preaching. Preaching may also help those women who wish to be Sunday school teachers, lesson planning and preaching may coincide.

b) However you look at it..man or woman, things like mission work cause any gender to be a minister. We minister to people by actions and by words, even still if we are just ministering to a group of girls won't we need the same sort of foundational education?

Well maybe it's just me but after a man preaches say in a setting like a chapel service (at school) or something equivalent, you hear words like:

He gave such a great message that was a great sermon

But when a woman preaches in the same kind of settings you hear words like:

She spoke well today, it was really great to hear her speak

Maybe you have heard the same for both genders as in the example with the man. Maybe I have just been deprived of hearing those comments towards a womans sermon.

Is it not all the word of God? Is it not all the same no matter whose mouth it comes out of? Lipstick or no lipstick? Lip gloss or no lip gloss? I don't wear either so let's just say the word of God should come through the lips of those who wear chap stick, because either male or female, we both use it.

I'm not venting, I am simply voicing an opinion, and I am ok if I stand corrected. That's it for this matter, opinions would be great on this subject because I am searching on this matter.

All to God

Intensive thoughts

This will be short

It's interesting how professors let us struggle with our own questions about things. Such as: What to do if you are a Christian counselor but someone of another culture who comes knowing you are a Christian counselor, and they express to you that they may try another form of spiritual enlightenment to solve their problem.

This is a question asked in my intensive class today, and the response from the professor was..

You need to struggle with this and decide beforehand.

At first you're like "what? how can this educator not tell me what I should do in this situation?" But sometimes the answer cannot always be given for better educational purposes. Working through our own questions and struggles help us to be more decisive and use our own problem solving to get our own answers is better that taking us by the hand.

So yes thoughts through intensives.

All to God

Hiding Spots

I'm here to ask you today...where are you hiding? What do you hide from? "Friends"? Family? Love? Hate? Failure? .....Yourself? I'm not trying to get all touchy feely ridiculous, I am asking a legitimate question; where are you hiding? Also, what do you hide from? We all hide, take cover in the recesses of our minds and settle in the deepest part of our hearts.

I hide, but I don't want to hide.

I am guilty sometimes of justifying myself within myself. I make excuses for why some things are ok. Then later when I have grown a little older and wiser I understand that all that justifying was for nothing but temporary disillusionment into what a good person I am. All that lying to myself, all that miscommunication...all that hardening that made my own self dis-unified. I carried my load, and still put a frilly pink table cloth over it all to make it look more aesthetically pleasing, I was proud and didn't put it down. I hid in the mess I had created for myself, started the path to my own literal destruction.

I hid, letting no one know I was really hidden.

We keep silent when we hide..we don't let them know we are hiding so we say nothing. Words can be locked doors, but they are locked doors with keyholes. So we become silent, revealing nothing, hiding. The spoken word is a very powerful thing. It breaks people, it lifts up people, it keeps people alive (in memory of course). Silence can be one way that we hide.

But here's the thing that hiding makes us forget....

Our debt of dreadful living is paid, we have no need to hide.

Jesus did it, he brought us out of hiding. Whether our minds allow us to break free is another matter, but with Christ it is easier, and possible. He beckons the sinner to come out of hiding and go to him, to find consolation, to be vulnerable yet not judged. Once the wounds of our hidden selves have healed and we become strong again, with a loving nudge he tells us that we must go and we accept the calling.

Out of hiding we find strength and consolation.

Out of hiding we find the will, the vigor to help the world become unhidden.

Out of hiding we no longer erase our footsteps..

Instead we show the paths we have traveled so that others

may understand and see our God through our lives

and that they may worship Him with theirs.

This is the promise of the One that makes the darkness flee. This is the love that brings us out of our hiding wherever it may be. I honestly didn't mean for that to rhyme..it just happened. But indeed, Jesus can spoil our best hiding spots, he can find the all the sardines who squeeze underneath the bed. But he can also show us that it's ok, that we have no need to fear being exposed, especially to him.

All to God

Real Adventure

Sometimes I get excited about ministry...other times I get excited about the adventure that the ministry brings. Most times I get excited about them both together.

It's not wrong to get excited for the adventure as long as you don't lose the big picture. God gave us a sense of adventure, and he also commissioned us to go out with his message.

I'm excited about sharing His message.

I can't lie and say I'm not excited about the adventure.

But the real adventure is the trail that leads us home.

That adventure is the most enticing.

Let's bring 'em home.

All to God

Not a snoozer

Right now I'm reading through the book of Leviticus and hopefully through the rest of the Old Testament. At first Leviticus was repetitive and a little boring, full of regulations for the Israelites to follow. However reading this book has made me conclude some things;

1) The Israelites had to be diligent. Though they faltered (as we all do) they were held by a special set of regulations separating them from the rest of the world. They were diligent, and there had to be those who kept the regulations well and did not stray to far away. Throughout their history since they were given these laws, they were to keep them and be diligent in keeping them. So my question; why is it still so tough to be diligent in the teachings of Christ? Because now we are in the freedom of the Savior, why is it still so hard?

2) God is the ultimate everything. In Leviticus 13 God is talking about what is leprosy and what it will look like. He is telling them specific things to look for such as the color of the skin how deep the sore goes will tell if it is leprosy or not. Did the sore turn the hair white, or is the hair normal in color. Who to deem unclean and clean. Giving them scenarios such as if someone is burned and sores come from the burn, he tells them what to look for. God was keeping his people without blemish just like their sacrifices because Jesus would come and be the ultimate lamb for the slaughter, unblemished. God was the ultimate doctor with the ultimate plan.

So yeah Leviticus is actually not a book to snooze over, it is just a part of the plan. It is an old book that set sights for the future of the world. He knows what he is doing in every aspect of life itself, and he cares for his people. It is amazing how God preserved his people to bring the One who would rescue them.

All to God