Everything can change in a moment, it can all change in the instant of a thought, a glancing look, by a word, a phrase, or just a "reach for the stars" moment. It can change and it does. We all have stories many are similar to one another others vary in many different shades of color. In lots of ways, someone's story may make another story seem to pale in comparison. We all have those moments where in our minds we know that life has changed, and depending on how, for the better or the worse.
Here is the moment when my life changed completely.....just kidding, I don't have an outlandish story to tell to make others oooo! and ahhhh! over me. I have told you all that my story seems rather normal, no crazy moment where God explodes into my life with a spiritual atom bomb that threw me to the ground. No, God knew me better than that. First of all, he knew I would believe and cherish my mom's words about him, he knew I would give in rather quickly that he is at least the truth.
Second of all he knew how to slowly chisel my heart to be used for his glory. As I have said before, God chooses to speak subtly to me, many times he just wants me to be willing. I don't think I ever had one huge moment that God said NOW! But all along he has nudged me in the way I should go with his proverbial elbow as to say "might be a good time..."
One of those nudges came from a simple phone call, one that asked would I be willing to go to eastern Europe. Having no preference at all and feeling completely at peace with the situation I said "sure!" Fast forward to nearly three years later, (I cannot believe it has been three years), here lies the plan to return for a year. This nudge has brought me through college determined to gain the education to be more prepared mentally, emotionally, and knowledge-ably to go into ministry.
No my life never changed in an instant, but like a good diet it has changed so dramatically over many different instances. All significant in it's own way, sometimes at the time, nothing I wanted to hear but went through because that's the only way to travel in this life..to go through it. I've made nothing happen in my life, it's always been God, in the good and the bad (which was always for my benefit). I cannot remember a single moment in the hard times that I thought..."why is God doing this to me?" in a disdainful way.
Many times when I think back to those times, I begin to thank God for them. Thanking him for pulling me out of my foolish way so that I can be used in a greater way for him. He is definitely the Great Motivator.
And motivate he will. So let's be thankful for our moments, the good and the bad so that God may use us for the better.
All to God
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Technical Turned Worshipful
Yesterday I was working on a new power-point in preparation to present to different churches. As I began to work on it I started on it with a very technical outlook. What would the color theme be? What would the background look like? How will I string photos together to make it a cohesive project? What kind of font would be best? What colors should the font be in different panels? I start many support raising projects with a technical mindset. Normally the technical things turn out fine and that's dandy.
After a while of choosing the photos that would don the slides to show the people, I began feeling such a tug, a pull in my spirit. It seemed such a funny thing to go about doing something that is so common in my "profession" and to begin to feel emotional about it all. But then I started to think about it as I continued choosing, editing, and approving, was it so strange that I began to get emotional?
God has given me a burden for this place, a weight, or something equivalent to a gravitational pull. I was looking at faces I loved, even if I didn't know all of their names. I was talking about my need if unmet meant I could not go to the place a piece of my heart resides. I was looking at the area of this world that the Spirit himself has brought into my life for a much more significant purpose than culture.
This simple task started off as a technical endeavor, meant to inform people of my upcoming plans and the need behind those plans. However God has always communicated with me through simple things in a most significant way. He brought me through memories, passion, needs, and the importance of showing people here at home that God is working in places like these; through this hard soil. He brought me into worship through this project.
I praised him for giving me the ability to raise support, and for the ability to go and minister in his name to the Christ-less of the world. I praised him for letting me experience the "least of these" and for putting a fire in my spirit for them. I praised him for the passion he instilled in me to be more Spirit led in many of my ways, and especially in my faith. I praised him for the people I will work with over there to bring Jesus into the lives of those living in spiritual depravity.
Simply, I was overwhelmed by God in those moments of creating this thing that seemed menial. I quickly became uncomfortable with my life of comfort all over again. In an instant I knew God just wanted me to go, and he will do the rest because it is never Emilie that does anything, but God through me. How privileged I am to be used by the Creator and Redeemer of the world!
I am in love with this Jesus who gives himself to the whole wide world, no matter how filthy we rate on a human level.
After a while of choosing the photos that would don the slides to show the people, I began feeling such a tug, a pull in my spirit. It seemed such a funny thing to go about doing something that is so common in my "profession" and to begin to feel emotional about it all. But then I started to think about it as I continued choosing, editing, and approving, was it so strange that I began to get emotional?
God has given me a burden for this place, a weight, or something equivalent to a gravitational pull. I was looking at faces I loved, even if I didn't know all of their names. I was talking about my need if unmet meant I could not go to the place a piece of my heart resides. I was looking at the area of this world that the Spirit himself has brought into my life for a much more significant purpose than culture.
This simple task started off as a technical endeavor, meant to inform people of my upcoming plans and the need behind those plans. However God has always communicated with me through simple things in a most significant way. He brought me through memories, passion, needs, and the importance of showing people here at home that God is working in places like these; through this hard soil. He brought me into worship through this project.
I praised him for giving me the ability to raise support, and for the ability to go and minister in his name to the Christ-less of the world. I praised him for letting me experience the "least of these" and for putting a fire in my spirit for them. I praised him for the passion he instilled in me to be more Spirit led in many of my ways, and especially in my faith. I praised him for the people I will work with over there to bring Jesus into the lives of those living in spiritual depravity.
Simply, I was overwhelmed by God in those moments of creating this thing that seemed menial. I quickly became uncomfortable with my life of comfort all over again. In an instant I knew God just wanted me to go, and he will do the rest because it is never Emilie that does anything, but God through me. How privileged I am to be used by the Creator and Redeemer of the world!
I am in love with this Jesus who gives himself to the whole wide world, no matter how filthy we rate on a human level.
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking!!
All to God.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Less
I think I am in the process of simplifying. For one thing, I have a whole lot that I don't use and it is clutter and excess, so I am also in the process of selling. I probably should just have a yard sale...it might come to that. A lot of what I have might just need to go to Goodwill or something, but I have this sense that I need to purge. Because in a way I am starting this new life. A new and exciting life of a missionary..whatever that even means.
I am intent on becoming new all over, inside and out (mostly on the inside). I intend to find joy and contentment in most any situation. I intend to love more and attempt to be more selfless. I intend on having more patience. I am intending on a lot of things..but you know what they say about good intentions. I guess to use the old adage "the proof is in the pudding." It is simply an era of life that allows me to prepare my life for what might come ahead without fully understanding what the outcome will be.
In my short existence I have heard the saying less of me and more of Him. Or if you want to get Biblical.."I decrease so that Christ might increase." This is the simplicity of faith. I wish that I could take a big ice cream scooper and scoop out all the gook that hinders the Holy Spirit, or better yet hinders my heart from receiving guidance from the Spirit. But I have no such apparatus to scoop spiritual muck out and away. So I go back to the simplicity of faith....
I am intent on becoming new all over, inside and out (mostly on the inside). I intend to find joy and contentment in most any situation. I intend to love more and attempt to be more selfless. I intend on having more patience. I am intending on a lot of things..but you know what they say about good intentions. I guess to use the old adage "the proof is in the pudding." It is simply an era of life that allows me to prepare my life for what might come ahead without fully understanding what the outcome will be.
In my short existence I have heard the saying less of me and more of Him. Or if you want to get Biblical.."I decrease so that Christ might increase." This is the simplicity of faith. I wish that I could take a big ice cream scooper and scoop out all the gook that hinders the Holy Spirit, or better yet hinders my heart from receiving guidance from the Spirit. But I have no such apparatus to scoop spiritual muck out and away. So I go back to the simplicity of faith....
Less of me, more of Him.
So my life is starting to simplify. I am making a lot of adjustments. I'm a bundle of different emotions and...well....here goes..(!)
All to God
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Possible Beautiful Monstrosity
I've opened and closed a new post several times over the last month not knowing what to say, how to explain myself emotionally and spiritually. Not knowing exactly what kind of flood might come pouring out of this brain and through my fingers and have you all witness the beauty or monstrosity of it all. But as most of you have gathered not many of my postings are beautiful and most are monstrosities, but I digress.
Well, a lot has seriously been going on this month, waves of emotions and spiritual movement in every way possible. First there comes the exhilaration and motivation of the International Conference on Missions which gave me friends from far away to be with and share a small bit of life with as well as hearing phenomenal speakers that spoke truth into the lives of the audience. There with that came my passion to go and minister and be in the lives of those in Eastern Europe whom I have grown to love and those I'm sure I will get to know personally and thus love, and just pour into them as much as possible because I just....love them.
ICOM also allowed me to see little hints that the door was not shutting according to the plan to live and thrive there in those Balkans. It was encouraging and by that time I desperately needed that.
Thanksgiving. The day of thanks was a good day; got to hold a puppy (which makes for a good day any day), ate a good lunch, aunts house for dinner with family, made plans with cousins I don't see very often, came home. Lovely. Perfectly great Thanksgiving day, no complaints, not about food, family, or anything in between.
Except....about five minutes to midnight my mom comes out of her room with my dad close behind. My dad is gasping for air in a way I have never heard anyone gasp in desperation to simply breathe. Fan is turned on him. Door is open to let air in. He's panicking. 911 has been called, and we sit watching, helpless, trying to breathe for our father as if to give him sympathy breaths. Finally after what felt like half an hour but was only about 7-10 minutes the ambulance shows up, slaps oxygen on him, writes some numbers down, and away he goes. And away we went to follow.
After waiting all night in the emergency we know a few things, 1) fluid was in his lungs and 2) they are looking at congestive heart failure to be the culprit BUT we questioned it since they weren't the specialist. So about 6:30am my dad is able to be sent off to the heart hospital for further tests and solutions. So off we go.
Now, there have only been a few times where I actually wept out to God about some things weighing heavy on my heart. My dad is one of them. You see I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I'll take my chances in saying God has sent an answer to my call. The doctor comes in to talk to us about my dad's condition. It's not urgent per-say, but it is critical if a few things about my father's lifestyle do not change. It is now that he must evaluate himself and choose life or death, overcoming some things or submit to the grave prematurely. I for one am not down with the second option.
The moment I wept out to God about my father was a moment that I felt so sad about what he is going through in his mind and how he has felt he must cope. I felt helpless in that moment and the only being I could turn to is the only one that knows my dad more than my dad knows himself. I prayed that God would heal my father's mind and these coping mechanisms that hurt him so. I prayed that he might have a closer relationship with God and in this way, being a son of God would bring him a sense of worth. Over and over I just cried "heal his life, God, heal it for you!" and something to the point of "Let him know that You are enough God!"
I believe that through this experience and the severity of the situation that this is my father's chance to take back the life I know he has always wanted to live, and love the God his mother taught him to love. I believe this is the moment that God may have answered my prayer. So many of you have spoken prayers for my father without knowing him, you have spoken prayers for his physical well-being and for this I am most grateful! Now I hope that you would say a prayer for the rest of his life, to give up the things that harm him and live a renewed life, though it will be difficult, pray endurance and strength over my dad. Thank you so much for your prayers, any prayer that you have spoken on my behalf and on my family in general.
Now that I have written a novel I think I will give it a rest. I am excited for the future, to see how God will choose to use me wherever I am and especially over that there ocean. I am excited to see what God does in the lives of my family members as my dad progresses, and in the life of my dad. I love them all so much, praise God I've been so blessed because of them.
All to God.
Well, a lot has seriously been going on this month, waves of emotions and spiritual movement in every way possible. First there comes the exhilaration and motivation of the International Conference on Missions which gave me friends from far away to be with and share a small bit of life with as well as hearing phenomenal speakers that spoke truth into the lives of the audience. There with that came my passion to go and minister and be in the lives of those in Eastern Europe whom I have grown to love and those I'm sure I will get to know personally and thus love, and just pour into them as much as possible because I just....love them.
ICOM also allowed me to see little hints that the door was not shutting according to the plan to live and thrive there in those Balkans. It was encouraging and by that time I desperately needed that.
Thanksgiving. The day of thanks was a good day; got to hold a puppy (which makes for a good day any day), ate a good lunch, aunts house for dinner with family, made plans with cousins I don't see very often, came home. Lovely. Perfectly great Thanksgiving day, no complaints, not about food, family, or anything in between.
Except....about five minutes to midnight my mom comes out of her room with my dad close behind. My dad is gasping for air in a way I have never heard anyone gasp in desperation to simply breathe. Fan is turned on him. Door is open to let air in. He's panicking. 911 has been called, and we sit watching, helpless, trying to breathe for our father as if to give him sympathy breaths. Finally after what felt like half an hour but was only about 7-10 minutes the ambulance shows up, slaps oxygen on him, writes some numbers down, and away he goes. And away we went to follow.
After waiting all night in the emergency we know a few things, 1) fluid was in his lungs and 2) they are looking at congestive heart failure to be the culprit BUT we questioned it since they weren't the specialist. So about 6:30am my dad is able to be sent off to the heart hospital for further tests and solutions. So off we go.
Now, there have only been a few times where I actually wept out to God about some things weighing heavy on my heart. My dad is one of them. You see I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I'll take my chances in saying God has sent an answer to my call. The doctor comes in to talk to us about my dad's condition. It's not urgent per-say, but it is critical if a few things about my father's lifestyle do not change. It is now that he must evaluate himself and choose life or death, overcoming some things or submit to the grave prematurely. I for one am not down with the second option.
The moment I wept out to God about my father was a moment that I felt so sad about what he is going through in his mind and how he has felt he must cope. I felt helpless in that moment and the only being I could turn to is the only one that knows my dad more than my dad knows himself. I prayed that God would heal my father's mind and these coping mechanisms that hurt him so. I prayed that he might have a closer relationship with God and in this way, being a son of God would bring him a sense of worth. Over and over I just cried "heal his life, God, heal it for you!" and something to the point of "Let him know that You are enough God!"
I believe that through this experience and the severity of the situation that this is my father's chance to take back the life I know he has always wanted to live, and love the God his mother taught him to love. I believe this is the moment that God may have answered my prayer. So many of you have spoken prayers for my father without knowing him, you have spoken prayers for his physical well-being and for this I am most grateful! Now I hope that you would say a prayer for the rest of his life, to give up the things that harm him and live a renewed life, though it will be difficult, pray endurance and strength over my dad. Thank you so much for your prayers, any prayer that you have spoken on my behalf and on my family in general.
Now that I have written a novel I think I will give it a rest. I am excited for the future, to see how God will choose to use me wherever I am and especially over that there ocean. I am excited to see what God does in the lives of my family members as my dad progresses, and in the life of my dad. I love them all so much, praise God I've been so blessed because of them.
All to God.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Not This Can of Worms
I'm not going to say much about it. I'm not going to rant and rave. It's simple, God is faithful and through this outcome in this election I believe he is bringing us closer to him in faith. Faith that he will work it out for our good, I have faith in my Father and what he promised us through Jesus Christ.
Also, faith that as a Church it is time to move and do our duty that we have been lagging in for so long. We have been given much and what we choose to do with our privilege as Christians in a free country is how we choose to honor God through his blessing. Am I excited about the man STILL in office? No. But God put him there for reasons at this time unknown, and I will honor this because of my God.
He was and is, and is to come. Glorious.
All to God
Also, faith that as a Church it is time to move and do our duty that we have been lagging in for so long. We have been given much and what we choose to do with our privilege as Christians in a free country is how we choose to honor God through his blessing. Am I excited about the man STILL in office? No. But God put him there for reasons at this time unknown, and I will honor this because of my God.
He was and is, and is to come. Glorious.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
A Tidbit
Admittedly, I get easily annoyed with Jesus followers who are not passionate about people and the world. There is just something wrong with this picture. Especially those who let their religion define their position within society as if believing in Christ makes you cup-bearer to a king in an earthly monarchy. When in reality believing in Christ is supposed to let the world know that you are weak and only made strong by submission to the King and his theocracy.
I don't care what race or ethnicity you come from, people are people, and we have to care about each other, body and soul. There is something about every human-being having been created in the image of God whether or not they accept that. I'm not saying I'm perfect in this area, no one is, but I feel like believers should be conscious about their actions and reactions when it comes to non-believers. We should not be so surprised when a non-believer acts ungodly, we should be more surprised and concerned when a brother or sister in Christ is starting down an ungodly path.
That's just my tidbit for today. I'm just not sure why we aren't all together on this. It is an undisputed command in scripture, why is the Church so slow to action? Why is it so slow to help it's own as well as those who need Jesus? I'm constantly baffled, I hope to at least be a small change.
All to God
I don't care what race or ethnicity you come from, people are people, and we have to care about each other, body and soul. There is something about every human-being having been created in the image of God whether or not they accept that. I'm not saying I'm perfect in this area, no one is, but I feel like believers should be conscious about their actions and reactions when it comes to non-believers. We should not be so surprised when a non-believer acts ungodly, we should be more surprised and concerned when a brother or sister in Christ is starting down an ungodly path.
That's just my tidbit for today. I'm just not sure why we aren't all together on this. It is an undisputed command in scripture, why is the Church so slow to action? Why is it so slow to help it's own as well as those who need Jesus? I'm constantly baffled, I hope to at least be a small change.
All to God
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