If I Were the Queen of the Forest

If I were the queen of the forest. If I were the queen of the forest, I'm certain it would burn directly to the ground. After every intention of helping it prosper and doing everything in my will to sustain it, the inevitable would take its course. Whether it be by invasion, lightening strike, my very own campfire, eventually my kingdom (queendom?) would falter into smoldering ash.

Why am I saying all of this nonsense? Because through life, if faith prevails above all else, then the hollowing out of ourselves and the filling of the Spirit will take place. Therefore, neither I nor my brother (or sister) can claim king or queenship, even to ourselves. I am not the master of me, you are not the master of you, and we never will be no matter how much we try, how successful we are, nor how trendy it seems.

Your Kingdom come Thy will be done...

Simply, we are creation, created by a King, which in turn makes us all heirs to something. That something came to us through the Prince of Peace, who is also King of all, who has known us since he placed us in the womb. He made us heirs of salvation, and inheriting this wasn't cheap. It didn't come without spilled blood, it didn't come without mockery, and doubt, and it certainly didn't come without proof. He came down to seek us and tell us with his own mouth that this earth will fade away and we will be brought to everlasting communion with God our King.

On Earth as it is in Heaven.

But to claim for ourselves kingship over this earth, or ourselves, is selfish and naive. Our love is to be stretched farther, our faith should persevere and drill through the mountain of uncertain, untrustworthy, selfish power in this world. Our humility is supposed to go to ourselves unnoticed as we walk daily in the Lord. This hollowing of ourselves creates the need for fulfillment in the Holy Spirit.

These are simple flowing thoughts. If I was queen of the forest, nothing would survive. Since God is King I need not worry about where the Robin will place her nest, I am blessed enough by the King to enjoy the Robin when she sings and know that she is thriving.

All to God

It's Late, Again.

Ok, so I know I've already posted...well now it would be yesterday, let's just say recently. But I was reading back over my It's Late post from a waaaayyyyyysss back there. So I decided to do another one, hopefully I won't bore you.

A list of things about myself in no particular order:

- I am currently unemployed with no prospects of a job
- I now know what I am going to do after college because I have graduated but getting there is nerve-racking, and I'm hoping that my nerves will calm down with time.
- I'm still living with my parents........no shame....it's only for a little while.
- It's actually easy for me to love those who don't love Christ (I don't say that to brag...what's to brag about?)
- I still would love to take a bunch of my good friends and travel, take pictures and make silly videos.
-Whether or not anyone knows it, I'm becoming much more emotional than I used to be. I find myself fighting back tears a lot more these days.
- The only thing that sucks about being a missionary is knowing that my family and a lot of my friends are going to be so far away, and I chose for this to happen.
- But then I think about God leading me and I get super excited.
- How am I going to continue to pay off my student loans? Hmm....let's hope God grants me some awesome supporters.
- I might like coffee a little too much, there I've confessed.
- I'm still my greatest enemy
- I still really heart banjo...never gonna change.
- I'm learning from something I've heard way to much; "If your bored, it's your own fault."
- People keep telling me that the place I am going to is full of people who want to kill me............This is really racist and I'm tired of it. I get it, precaution and safety are valuable, one day hey..they might just be right. But most of these people have only ever served me food and coffee and some good laughs, not a knife to the throat or gun to the head.
- Whoa this list just took a harsh turn. Calm down, girl, calm down.
- ^ Sometimes I have to talk myself out of working myself up....
- Let's end on a good note: This Christmas I was blessed to be able to give.
- And..Adventure Time for the win (so I'm still a child sometimes, oh well.)

Well there's the list, there's a lot more but that's not meant for the interwebs. Thanks for reading about my babbling inside my head. It's late again..

All to God

Radically Dysfunctional

I've been thinking a lot about what a "radical" Christian looks like. Radical as in, radical in faith, and love, truth, boldness, courage, bearing burdens, lightening the yoke. I've thought about what it is to be radical in this world as a follower of Jesus, to deny myself of myself, to put away crude humor and step away from thinking that it's ok. Taking the time to evaluate the motives I have behind doing certain things, thinking certain things, and saying certain things that I have deemed good...yet not righteous....but good, just above where the line is drawn.

And I'm overwhelmed......

My selfishness wants to watch movies that are funny and humorous, that seem to be "not the worst" because there was no nudity or anything physically sexual happening on screen. But the crudeness is what can slither in and take hold. How is crudeness and laugh-ability in any way glorifying God when it makes me cynical.

My selfishness also wants to laugh at crude jokes on the internet, view "comical" videos that aren't joyful in any way or making me think good thoughts by the end. If it doesn't edify then why do I identify? (See what I did there?) BECAUSE....like many, I am self-conscious and figuring out this life that I live, and how I can live it better all the while knowing that there should be no "holier than thou" speak to pass through my lips!

It's easier for me to go through life looking like everyone else, rather than going through this life looking like a scar-filled messed up person who is doing something about the mess that she has acquired for herself because she knows that Jesus has done the impossible to make her life impossibly shine so bright before mankind. (Terribly long sentence, English majors...shun me now).

I cannot follow my heart...it will lead me to destruction. My heart is simply an organ, one that humans have used as the access point of love and the way to the "narrow path" but you know...I'm not believing this is so anymore. Being radical in love, faith, truth, bearing a load, taking up the cross, etc., comes from relying HEAVILY on the Holy Spirit. My heart can only lead me to selfishness and desires that remain in this fleshy form, because..it is flesh.

My God, my Father, my King, is the only being that can lead myself to radically loving him and loving others without fail. But he knows that failure is inevitable in this tiny form I am currently in, this, my friends is why he has promised us guidance through his Spirit and this is what we can and do miss on a  DAILY basis. I find this ridiculous, the Holy Spirit, this divine Spirit of God, in turn, simply God himself saying "ask for me, I will lead you into places unknown and make you a beacon for my glory everyday." THIS IS PHENOMENAL.

I'm baffled by how lazy I am in the Spirit. I'm baffled by the love that surrounds me in this divine measure. I'm baffled that He hasn't given up on me. I'm baffled that because of me, many who have rejected God, never knew him, or have strange concepts of God STILL DON'T KNOW HIM like I do. Like many do.

I love him, and I love who he loves. Do my actions show it? Does my life reflect it? Have I been poisoned by media, and materialism, and keeping my life so much that I have no room for the Spirit to lead me to be drenched in pursuing his Kingdom for the Kingdom no matter what?

There's no time to lose in correcting my mind, strengthening the soul through God. I am built for service, may it ever be so.

All to God

Just talkin', It's Christmas!

There's a puppy pawing at the glass door because he is looking at his reflection and wanting it to play. I just finished wrapping the simple gifts I got for my family, the Christmas lights are on, there is a Christmas movie playing on TV and I have coffee. Yes, indeed everyone, Christmas is coming.

For the first time in about two decades my family got family pictures done by the lovely Rachel at Foxx Photography. We had a wonderful time just fooling around which ironically makes for some good photos. It was sunny and windy and we prevailed against the wind and in the majority of the pictures came out dashingly.

Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is that I am very content with this year's Christmas because it will be slightly different, the dynamic has changed. So in this short little thing that I am trying to write here I just want to say that Christmas will be different but great and I love all the pictures and this thoughtful gifts and the coolness that is celebrating togetherness because of Christ. That's cool.

All to God

The Future is a Gift

There is a lot going on these days, and I don't mean finding the best deals for Christmas gifts. There is an overwhelming list that must get done before I start my apprenticeship. Of course, I panicked a little, thinking of how little time I have, almost as if the walls were closing in. I am an extremely visual person, and I don't mean I can scroll down the screen of my computer and view all the things I have to do with ease.

NO.

I have to print them out, spread them out, and see it all out in front of me. Otherwise my brain feels like it will  swell and start oozing out of my ears. I'm talking highlighters, red pens, thumb tacks, and dry-erase boards. You can certainly believe I care a whole flippin' lot about this apprenticeship, and that deep inside I feel that this will lead me into a long term pursuit of bringing Christ to the Christ-less in this land.

Even though the list gets long and daunting and there is waiting..waiting..........waiting, the moment that green light turns on all of the preparation will be worth it. This part is the hardest part with the lists and the fund-raising, and the budgets, and all the other things that go along with the prep-work. It's the foundation on which the future can flourish.

Going through all of this has truly shown me that questions can be asked (I've asked quite a bit of them), things I had felt self-conscious about can be done, and that God wants me to feel out the process and understand the aspects of this journey he has sent me on.

So, yes, there are little sparks of panic that pierce through my guts every so often, but I am reassured the God is the author of this life of mine. Though my life may be like those "choose your own ending" books that were so popular in the 90's (or earlier as well) because of free-will, I know what I have surrendered. I surrendered my own understanding.

I'm excited about the future, but the future is a gift made only by how faithful you are to what God has you doing here and now.

All to God. 

My Pearl isn't just mine

Today, already, only slightly before 1pm, has been an emotional day. Being as it is Sunday, of course we trotted off to church as normal, a few minutes late as usual just before the hymns start to really get going. Anyway, as we start to sing the hymns one comes along that I have known my whole life, one that I haven't paid too much attention to simply because I had heard the story of Jesus.

Looking back now I see how one-dimensional my faith and fervor had been. This hymn is simply titled "Tell Me the Story of Jesus." First of all let me gather my surface thoughts and say that this hymn throughout the verses gives me the imagery of a child, wide-eyed and alert, listening to a gripping tale of wonders. Shouldn't the story of Jesus captivate us as such every time? Or even more so, the story f Jesus within our own lives?

But here is the gist of what I am really getting at...this hymn did captivate me this morning because as I was looking at a verse it was as if the words bore a hole in my brain and my heart. They were significant and alarming, they jumped out at me. Here they are:

Tell of the years of His labor,
Tell of the sorrow He bore;
He was despised and afflicted,
Homeless, rejected and poor.

As these words met my eyes it resonated in my life. My labor is to look like his, the sorrow I bear is to be with his strength, I am to love the despised, afflicted, homeless, rejected, and poor just as he loved them, and just as he was all of these things. He became despised, afflicted, homeless, rejected, and poor for us to love and accept him as our own. More and more I realized just how much I want to help and be in the lives of those who are so afflicted, so despised, those homeless, continuously rejected, and undoubtedly poor. Not for my own gratitude but so they might know and love their sweet Savior.

This hymn reminded me that I've found my pearl, and nothing else matters, my efforts should be put into helping these in this world. All that I have should be rubbish in comparison to this pearl.

May our labor be evermore, my Lord, for thee
May the sorrow we bear
Become joy that we share
With the afflicted, rejected, and poor
Growing closer to Your heart all-the-more.

All to God

For the Better.

Everything can change in a moment, it can all change in the instant of a thought, a glancing look, by a word, a phrase, or just a "reach for the stars" moment. It can change and it does. We all have stories many are similar to one another others vary in many different shades of color. In lots of ways, someone's story may make another story seem to pale in comparison. We all have those moments where in our minds we know that life has changed, and depending on how, for the better or the worse.

Here is the moment when my life changed completely.....just kidding, I don't have an outlandish story to tell to make others oooo! and ahhhh! over me. I have told you all that my story seems rather normal, no crazy moment where God explodes into my life with a spiritual atom bomb that threw me to the ground. No, God knew me better than that. First of all, he knew I would believe and cherish my mom's words about him, he knew I would give in rather quickly that he is at least the truth.

Second of all he knew how to slowly chisel my heart to be used for his glory. As I have said before, God chooses to speak subtly to me, many times he just wants me to be willing. I don't think I ever had one huge moment that God said NOW! But all along he has nudged me in the way I should go with his proverbial elbow as to say "might be a good time..."

One of those nudges came from a simple phone call, one that asked would I be willing to go to eastern Europe. Having no preference at all and feeling completely at peace with the situation I said "sure!" Fast forward to nearly three years later, (I cannot believe it has been three years), here lies the plan to return for a year. This nudge has brought me through college determined to gain the education to be more prepared mentally, emotionally, and knowledge-ably to go into ministry.

No my life never changed in an instant, but like a good diet it has changed so dramatically over many different instances. All significant in it's own way, sometimes at the time, nothing I wanted to hear but went through because that's the only way to travel in this life..to go through it. I've made nothing happen in my life, it's always been God, in the good and the bad (which was always for my benefit). I cannot remember a single moment in the hard times that I thought..."why is God doing this to me?" in a disdainful way.

Many times when I think back to those times, I begin to thank God for them. Thanking him for pulling me out of my foolish way so that I can be used in a greater way for him. He is definitely the Great Motivator.

And motivate he will. So let's be thankful for our moments, the good and the bad so that God may use us for the better.

All to God

Technical Turned Worshipful

Yesterday I was working on a new power-point in preparation to present to different churches. As I began to work on it I started on it with a very technical outlook. What would the color theme be? What would the background look like? How will I string photos together to make it a cohesive project? What kind of font would be best? What colors should the font be in different panels? I start many support raising projects with a technical mindset. Normally the technical things turn out fine and that's dandy.

After a while of choosing the photos that would don the slides to show the people, I began feeling such a tug, a pull in my spirit. It seemed such a funny thing to go about doing something that is so common in my "profession" and to begin to feel emotional about it all. But then I started to think about it as I continued choosing, editing, and approving, was it so strange that I began to get emotional?

God has given me a burden for this place, a weight, or something equivalent to a gravitational pull. I was looking at faces I loved, even if I didn't know all of their names. I was talking about my need if unmet meant I could not go to the place a piece of my heart resides. I was looking at the area of this world that the Spirit himself has brought into my life for a much more significant purpose than culture.

This simple task started off as a technical endeavor, meant to inform people of my upcoming plans and the need behind those plans. However God has always communicated with me through simple things in a most significant way. He brought me through memories, passion, needs, and the importance of showing people here at home that God is working in places like these; through this hard soil. He brought me into worship through this project.

I praised him for giving me the ability to raise support, and for the ability to go and minister in his name to the Christ-less of the world. I praised him for letting me experience the "least of these" and for putting a fire in my spirit for them. I praised him for the passion he instilled in me to be more Spirit led in many of my ways, and especially in my faith. I praised him for the people I will work with over there to bring Jesus into the lives of those living in spiritual depravity.

Simply, I was overwhelmed by God in those moments of creating this thing that seemed menial. I quickly became uncomfortable with my life of comfort all over again. In an instant I knew God just wanted me to go, and he will do the rest because it is never Emilie that does anything, but God through me. How privileged I am to be used by the Creator and Redeemer of the world!

I am in love with this Jesus who gives himself to the whole wide world, no matter how filthy we rate on a human level.

We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes, if grace is an ocean we're all sinking!!

All to God.

Less

I think I am in the process of simplifying. For one thing, I have a whole lot that I don't use and it is clutter and excess, so I am also in the process of selling. I probably should just have a yard sale...it might come to that. A lot of what I have might just need to go to Goodwill or something, but I have this sense that I need to purge. Because in a way I am starting this new life. A new and exciting life of a missionary..whatever that even means.

I am intent on becoming new all over, inside and out (mostly on the inside). I intend to find joy and contentment in most any situation. I intend to love more and attempt to be more selfless. I intend on having more patience. I am intending on a lot of things..but you know what they say about good intentions. I guess to use the old adage "the proof is in the pudding." It is simply an era of life that allows me to prepare my life for what might come ahead without fully understanding what the outcome will be.

In my short existence I have heard the saying less of me and more of Him. Or if you want to get Biblical.."I decrease so that Christ might increase." This is the simplicity of faith. I wish that I could take a big ice cream scooper and scoop out all the gook that hinders the Holy Spirit, or better yet hinders my heart from receiving guidance from the Spirit. But I have no such apparatus to scoop spiritual muck out and away. So I go back to the simplicity of faith....

Less of me, more of Him.

So my life is starting to simplify. I am making a lot of adjustments. I'm a bundle of different emotions and...well....here goes..(!)

All to God

Possible Beautiful Monstrosity

I've opened and closed a new post several times over the last month not knowing what to say, how to explain myself emotionally and spiritually. Not knowing exactly what kind of flood might come pouring out of this brain and through my fingers and have you all witness the beauty or monstrosity of it all. But as most of you have gathered not many of my postings are beautiful and most are monstrosities, but I digress.

Well, a lot has seriously been going on this month, waves of emotions and spiritual movement in every way possible. First there comes the exhilaration and motivation of the International Conference on Missions which gave me friends from far away to be with and share a small bit of life with as well as hearing phenomenal speakers that spoke truth into the lives of the audience. There with that came my passion to go and minister and be in the lives of those in Eastern Europe whom I have grown to love and those I'm sure I will get to know personally and thus love, and just pour into them as much as possible because I just....love them.

ICOM also allowed me to see little hints that the door was not shutting according to the plan to live and thrive there in those Balkans. It was encouraging and by that time I desperately needed that.

Thanksgiving. The day of thanks was a good day; got to hold a puppy (which makes for a good day any day), ate a good lunch, aunts house for dinner with family, made plans with cousins I don't see very often, came home. Lovely. Perfectly great Thanksgiving day, no complaints, not about food, family, or anything in between.

Except....about five minutes to midnight my mom comes out of her room with my dad close behind. My dad is gasping for air in a way I have never heard anyone gasp in desperation to simply breathe. Fan is turned on him. Door is open to let air in. He's panicking. 911 has been called, and we sit watching, helpless, trying to breathe for our father as if to give him sympathy breaths. Finally after what felt like half an hour but was only about 7-10 minutes the ambulance shows up, slaps oxygen on him, writes some numbers down, and away he goes. And away we went to follow.

After waiting all night in the emergency we know a few things, 1) fluid was in his lungs and 2) they are looking at congestive heart failure to be the culprit BUT we questioned it since they weren't the specialist. So about 6:30am my dad is able to be sent off to the heart hospital for further tests and solutions. So off we go.

Now, there have only been a few times where I actually wept out to God about some things weighing heavy on my heart. My dad is one of them. You see I may be counting my chickens before they hatch, but I'll take my chances in saying God has sent an answer to my call. The doctor comes in to talk to us about my dad's condition. It's not urgent per-say, but it is critical if a few things about my father's lifestyle do not change. It is now that he must evaluate himself and choose life or death, overcoming some things or submit to the grave prematurely. I for one am not down with the second option.

The moment I wept out to God about my father was a moment that I felt so sad about what he is going through in his mind and how he has felt he must cope. I felt helpless in that moment and the only being I could turn to is the only one that knows my dad more than my dad knows himself. I prayed that God would heal my father's mind and these coping mechanisms that hurt him so. I prayed that he might have a closer relationship with God and in this way, being a son of God would bring him a sense of worth. Over and over I just cried "heal his life, God, heal it for you!" and something to the point of "Let him know that You are enough God!"

I believe that through this experience and the severity of the situation that this is my father's chance to take back the life I know he has always wanted to live, and love the God his mother taught him to love. I believe this is the moment that God may have answered my prayer. So many of you have spoken prayers for my father without knowing him, you have spoken prayers for his physical well-being and for this I am most grateful! Now I hope that you would say a prayer for the rest of his life, to give up the things that harm him and live a renewed life, though it will be difficult, pray endurance and strength over my dad. Thank you so much for your prayers, any prayer that you have spoken on my behalf and on my family in general.

Now that I have written a novel I think I will give it a rest. I am excited for the future, to see how God will choose to use me wherever I am and especially over that there ocean. I am excited to see what God does in the lives of my family members as my dad progresses, and in the life of my dad. I love them all so much, praise God I've been so blessed because of them.

All to God.

Not This Can of Worms

I'm not going to say much about it. I'm not going to rant and rave. It's simple, God is faithful and through this outcome in this election I believe he is bringing us closer to him in faith. Faith that he will work it out for our good, I have faith in my Father and what he promised us through Jesus Christ.

Also, faith that as a Church it is time to move and do our duty that we have been lagging in for so long. We have been given much and what we choose to do with our privilege as Christians in a free country is how we choose to honor God through his blessing. Am I excited about the man STILL in office? No. But God put him there for reasons at this time unknown, and I will honor this because of my God.

He was and is, and is to come. Glorious.

All to God

A Tidbit

Admittedly, I get easily annoyed with Jesus followers who are not passionate about people and the world. There is just something wrong with this picture. Especially those who let their religion define their position within society as if believing in Christ makes you cup-bearer to a king in an earthly monarchy. When in reality believing in Christ is supposed to let the world know that you are weak and only made strong by submission to the King and his theocracy.

I don't care what race or ethnicity you come from, people are people, and we have to care about each other, body and soul. There is something about every human-being having been created in the image of God whether or not they accept that. I'm not saying I'm perfect in this area, no one is, but I feel like believers should be conscious about their actions and reactions when it comes to non-believers. We should not be so surprised when a non-believer acts ungodly, we should be more surprised and concerned when a brother or sister in Christ is starting down an ungodly path.

That's just my tidbit for today. I'm just not sure why we aren't all together on this. It is an undisputed command in scripture, why is the Church so slow to action? Why is it so slow to help it's own as well as those who need Jesus? I'm constantly baffled, I hope to at least be a small change.

All to God

Thanks Sandy

Ah, a lazy weekend with siblings all around. It's been nice to just kind of lay around drink bunches of coffee and eat a lot of good food. Thank you Hurricane Sandy for making it gross outside so we would all stay in together, glad you worked out instead of being terrible now be nice to our friends in the north but don't think that it doesn't suck that you ripped the Outer Banks up a little. 

Anywho, it's been quite fun and even a little adventurous. We got slightly creative and built a little fort where we played a little Mad Gab and laughed at each other when one of us were saying the words correct but still didn't understand.

Katie (my sister) was excited so was I :)
We even had a fake campfire for a moment thanks to a good ole crank lantern:

It's been a good time here, although at times we've felt a little cabin fever, we have found ways to combat it. So thank God for good family who we can also call friends, good conversation, lots of laughing, and no loss of power because we are spoiled ;)

All to God

Impossible Love

I just want to love. Is that to much to ask? I want to love all of you, I want to love you all with every ounce of my heart. I want to take you by the hand and lead you just as someone else has my hand and is leading me, and Jesus is at the head of this convoy. I want to love you so impossibly.

I want to love you so impossibly.

I have every confidence that you would hear the eagerness in my voice if only I could tell you that I am convinced and convicted that I want to love you. Every one of you. All of you individually. I could spend the rest of my life praying for the world; every individual by name, wishing them well and happiness, joy that only comes from the Father. 

Oh, He perfected love, he perfected it so that when I let you down with how little my love is compared to His you won't see me, you will only see Him. And that's the way I want it to be, as long as you know that my love is chasing you after His. If you are reading this, I may not know who you are, stumbling on this by chance, I want you to know that irreversibly I love you because I choose too and because I'm called too.

I want to hold your story dear to my heart, I want the words to resonate but that would take a lifetime or a thousand. I could hold your life in my mind and heart having your own little chamber in both, eternally known in the life of the flesh and in the life of the Father; known because he has known you. I want to look on every one of you with open eyes, veil swept away with a dying world; I want you to walk on the waves with me in the light of the love that could only bring us all together, promises fulfilled.

I want to love you so impossibly. But I can only love you in the most possible way, it is there that I falter; where I have always been imperfect. My inability to love in the most impossible way is a testament to the only one who could love you and me impossibly. He did for you what I could maybe do for only one other, and he did that for the generations. In my impossibility to love as he loved I am humbled and in awe; proving who the King is, proving who the mastered love. It always moves me to Christ. Always.

All to God

Home Office

Since I have relocated home I have either been on the road or at the house mailing stuff out, cutting stuff out, talking to people, and other things that come in between. It's one of the greatest full-time jobs I have ever held and there is job security! Although monetary gain is not that great...or very existent I love it just the same.

Want to look at my office? Yeah.....ok fine, it's really just my parent's living room with my stuff spread out all over the place.

BUT much work has been done here and I have organized my thoughts and what I need to accomplish here while also accomplishing them! Throughout my life there has only been a small amount of method to my madness, normally it's just madness. I've felt more methodical than mad here and that's a really good thing. Yes?

Expanding thought on the "my job doesn't bring me income" thing; I don't say that to get pity, it's not a tactic for fund-raising (because that would be an AWFUL tactic). It is something I say because of the enormous gift it brings in my life: faith.

This is a huge challenge in my life; to rely on God for not only financial support for the upcoming year in Europe, but also general finances in my day to day life. Knowing that the providence of God is real and alive and  ABLE. It is so very able and putting faith in the ability of God to watch over and provide for his children is something I am learning all the time.

I am confident in God's providence even though there are times when it seems there is not that much to spare, where there's faith there's a way (maybe I just changed up the old adage a little bit) even if it's not the way we planned in our heads.

I'm glad my faith is getting a work out!

All to God.

The Wanderer

I am a wanderer, even from where I sit many times I am not where I am. My mind races with places so far from my home I could stare for hours at the pictures in my mind's eye. That's the only place I can wander the Earth free of charge without counting the cost, without hurting anything or anyone. 

But there are days where my body does wander, physically over the face of the Earth encountering, interacting. This is where it becomes real, the contrast of life, how love is translated through culture, how "American" really means uncultured and desensitized. Those are the days it's real.

From happiness of seeing the sun in a different part of the world, to the sadness in realizing how many we have lost everyday by being uninterested and unobservant. Because it becomes so real. When it's a reality that "Western Christian" really means loving only the church building and not the Church, when we find the Bible becoming redundant, and when we view sin as a laughing matter. This is when it is real.

Oh but the day dawns in a foreign land and a woman smiles at the words she received; the first translation of the entire Bible in her own heart language. There it is real. The moment that a boy in a village far away finds Jesus and plants Him in his heart to sit and grow like a wildly planted flower. A father's pride when he can say of his entire house "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord."

Oh it is real, across the world where food is different, people are unique, and the coffee is abundant. It is real, when the orphan finds rest in a place where Christ is central, when a widow is shown Christ-like love such as never been shown to her, when a common whore is shown the scars of Christ realizing that unlike her scars, these can heal her. Oh my friends, it's real. 

I am a wanderer, my mind wanders, my body wanders and where they both go they know the possibility of showing Christ within. Seeing a spark light up where there was once darkness, feeling a heart leap as it has found it's first lover, eyes widening in reverence to the Everlasting, Almighty, Sovereign God who saved them all.

It's real, and it's here, and it's poetic. It fills every human sense and it sends me to wander, in it's light I'll wander. 

All to God

Bank Account Whereabouts: Jobless

How the paychecks have stopped and the punch in punch out has become a temporary thing of the past. Transitioning back to the home place is always different and this time school is not part of the agenda. I won't lie and say that I am super excited to get a job somewhere near home because there are not a lot of job opportunities here. Hopefully though I will find something that will relieve a little financial strain...yeah that'd be good.

It's been nice to be jobless for a short time, just to hang out and relax with people I care about. From the mountains to the beach to MACU it's been pretty nice. Shortly, though this little missionary has got to play tent-maker for a while, and I'm ok with having a little money come my way........I mean, who doesn't?

So along with support-raising I will, hopefully, at some point, become employed part-time. So if you could possibly pray for that to become a possibility? That would be of the utmost help to me. Luckily though, the wonderful thing about wonderful parents who would (if they could convince us all) love to have us all move into the same place and live together that way forever, is that they let me live here for no rent. That means spending the least amount of money possible so that the money I do have does not dwindle quickly.

Well, well, that's about it. There is my jobless life, but hanging out has been a blast; blessed to have great friends and family. Forever.

All to God.

It Goes On.

This past week was pretty good. Lots of mountains and sun and friends and missionary goals and lots and LOTS of coffee. And I didn't fight all that coffee. Spoke at a church who graciously allowed me to take up a little time at their prayer meeting to tell them my plans. It is another relationship made for the expansion of the Kingdom.

I have been blessed by a financial gift that came in surprisingly so I'm praising God for that. Since I've been back from the good ol' mountains back to the coast of NC where life must resume to go forward. Job hunting, support-raising, loan figuring, and all that must go on..sometimes encouragingly, other times, grudgingly. But it will go and I have given my anxieties to the Lord.

Also the frenzy of the second presidential debate made it's way into my house. Last time this all happened was when I was 18. I could vote for the first time ever the very year I turned 18 and needless to say I voted the way my parents voted. I mean let's get real, when you are 18 (unless you are focused on politics being a goal in your life) all you are concerned about is going to college, graduating high school, making memories with friends and so on.

This time..I'm still voting the same way my parents are, but on different terms. I have done the research this time, not just blindly voting a candidate.

There is a lot that goes into solidly putting the country in the hands of a mere man. That's why my vote doesn't just go into a man's policies or promises, it goes hoping that this man will do his very best and with a prayer that the King of all things will guide his hand.

I wonder what would happen if Christians would write the president of this next term and un-condescendingly tell him that we are praying for him and his office as well as administration. That would be an interesting experiment.

All to God

Moving Mountains

Well here goes nothing, in about an hour and a half from this posting I will be speaking at another church for support-raising purposes. I always get excited because I get to talk about missions and Jesus and Bosnia and friends...stuff I could go on for hours about (which makes it all just a little easier).

Because there ain't nothin' more humblin' than askin' the good folks to help you out financially.

There is so much good out there, the Jesus kind of good that lets people understand that something is real and they can trust and should invest in it. Lots of people only understand that there is a lot of good out there on a short-term basis, but there are those who know a good thing when they see it and are in it for the long-haul.

A lot could happen in this 20-25 minutes I have to stand up in front of people and proclaim my obedience to God and my love for the people I will minister too. I know that I have a lot of love in my heart for this and it will come through in my speech. I just pray for open hearts throughout this entire journey whether it be here or somewhere else, and also peace....I pray for peace. 

I have been on top of a few mountains this week and every time I get to the top and see all the other mountains I am reminded that we were told that we can move those things. I hope to move one for the glory of God.

All to God

Bank Account Whereabouts: Peace and Money

Sometimes money becomes a major player in the game of my thoughts. There are many reasons for this; exhibit A: Support raising is a huge part of my career, exhibit B: I'm soon to be out of a job, exhibit C: I have a massive amount of debt due to student loans.

If you want to support a missionary try asking them what their student loan situation is and ask if you can help in that arena, I'll take any donations in that regard...no really :)

I have always had a peace about money. If I do my part then God will faithfully care for me in my needs. So far he has made good on that sort of formula whether if what I think I need is not what he thinks I need. But he does understand our needs and if we remain faithful he will provide for our needs. I have many financial needs, and at times it seems overwhelming as I have expressed before, though it concerns me it does not steal my joy.

I have labored within myself to reverse the ominous existence of monetary dictatorship. Money is but a thing that will waste away with this world and I have no use to worry with it except for what will help in extending the Kingdom into the lives of others. This is the only value of money, that it is used towards the good of humanity for the glory of God. 

I will give what is Caesar's to Caesar, but more than anything I will give to God what is God's. I will trust God, I will trust him with all of my might. I believe him when he says that he is faithful in these matters, it's the leaps of faith where God receives much glory....and I leap a lot. Hoping that every leap brings me closer to him whether I am hurdling down in the canyon and he swoops in to catch me or he gives me the strength to clear the jump hitting the ground running on the other side.

Here's to joy.

Here's to the good of humanity.

Here's to the glory of God. 

Here's to peace in His providence.

All to God

Snipit

Exciting stuff on the horizon! Exciting stuff I tell you! Soon I will be venturing to Roanoke VA to speak at a church there, hopefully making some new friends and allowing people to choose to join in on another ministry! I am very excited about this opportunity. Anytime a church decides to let you have the stage for something you believe in, and then decides to fund and pray for that mission is humbling and wonderful.

I have been humbled a lot this summer especially in this transition time of moving back home to focus more on support raising. I have been encouraged by many people and for that, I know that God put me on the Outer Banks for a reason this summer. Now there is some intensive work that needs to be done as far as support raising goes.

Because the days are growing shorter, not just for my time of departure but the moment that a certain King comes to make all things new. Because that time is growing shorter I am feeling urgent to go and share this gift that I don't deserve with others who also don't deserve it but are able to receive it due to the sacrifice of Christ.

Everyday I become more and more excited that I chose the life of full time ministry.

All to God.

To The Next Stage.

I need to be packing, GOOD GRACIOUS, I need to pack. But as normal, I am a procrastinator and things do not get done the way that I plan them out (buying season 7 of Supernatural doesn't help the cause). However, I will get this done by Saturday. Right now I am just sailing along until the 5th of October where I will be moving back to good ol' Jamesville.

This is a plan that excites me and yet I know I'm leaving behind a lot of good friends here at the Outer Banks. Though I don't think the move is a bad thing I just know that there are people here I have really grown to care about and it will be hard to leave them but it will be nice to spend some time with these guys:

Well tomorrow will come and maybe I'll find the motivation to pack up most everything I own and get back to these people you see in the picture above at least for a good while. Also...could you be praying that I find a way to make some money while I live with dear mom and dad? I may be a 22 year old about to live with her parents again but I know that I ain't gonna be mooching off of them. So thanks for saying a lil' prayer for me :)

So on to another day of work.

All to God

People of Peace

People have been on my mind lately. No specific person or group of people but my heart has been full with how much we are all really walking through this life together and how different we are. I know that there are people in this world that are not good people, as in they have bent their hearts in the direction that Satan leads them to believe. That is not me saying that anyone who does not believe in God or Jesus are bad people. I have met wonderful people who do not necessarily believe in these things.

But back to my point, people in general have been on my heart. How we relate, work, believe, support, and love each other has been the focus of my attention lately. Media will turn our attention to incredible things such as anti-America rallies across Northern Africa in the Muslim world. But somehow in my small little dreamworld of a brain I can see it.....you know...I can see people looking at one another with joyous, not opposing, grateful eyes.

I can see the small gestures of one stranger to another doing a kindness in the grocery store when they mistook that $20 for a $50 and pitches in to make sure that person had what they needed. Or simply forgiving someone face to face for a trespass that has weighed heavy on the relationship. I can see it, I have seen it, I want to be an advocate for peace as a soldier for Christ as ironic as that might sound. Because people are worth it.

In reality humanity will never get tired of torturing one another. We will never just look peace in the face and say "it's your turn to reign."

Brother against brother, mother against daughter, father against son.
We will never stop destroying until all damage is done.
And only then when we have nothing left,
We will say, "imagine if peace would have won."

We are people, if we have nothing else in common it is that we all must walk this earth at the mercy of it's happenings. Also, though there are those who do not believe in the same way that I do, I know that there will come a day when peace will reign and it will win because the Prince of Peace is faithful. That's enough to make a person's soul stir, it's enough to bring a tear to my eye. It's enough to make me want to share this peace with others, because people matter...they just do.

"All will be made new....." Hallelujah.

All to God

Making Good On A Promise

One of the most debilitating things to the human soul is fear. Fear is this big stupid monster that charms us into things like exaggerating, justifying, rejecting, or avoiding, and a whole lot more. This monster not only invades when something is physically alarming like riding a roller coaster, or flying in an airplane, but it also invades when we are challenged with something we feel uncomfortable with.

Unfortunately fear infiltrates how we share our faith, how we live our faith, and how we make our faith known to others. Fear is one of the biggest tools that Satan can use to shut our mouths. It is a tool that can be used to steer our lively faith into an outwardly dull action hidden away underneath the cloak that we accept from the world.

It isn't love, it isn't wholly faith, it isn't trust, it isn't submission, it is very much the opposite of Christ-like courage. 

Take the cup you knew you would have to drink.

God has blessed me with beautiful non-Christian friends this summer and I have been adamant about letting them understand what it is I really believe. It has helped in reaffirming my faith, and refining my faith as well as my trust and submission. They have received the words I have spoken with openness and fairness, and with legitimate questions. They have blessed me even without knowing it, they are wonderful people.

So go try and warm the chill that fear brings on our faith, talk to the Father that he might give you instances to shine his glory on someone else. Don't let the darkness of fear become the light of your reasoning, or be stronger than it's lion of a counterpart; courage. It's your cup, you accepted it, as did I, as did Jesus. 

Let's do this.

All to God  

And Go Be It

Right now my desktop background is not a picture of Bosnia, anything in or around the place itself. Right now my desktop background is something that meets me right here, right where I am. For a while every time I would open my computer I would see a lovely picture of something from my days in the good ol' Balkans reminding me of where I want to be, why I want to be there, and the memories that remain.

But last night I changed that photo to one I didn't take myself and with words that I did not write. It is blunt, still reminds me where I should be and what I should do but it resonates. My love for the band who wrote these lyrics is not part of the equation (theyaremyultimatefavorite). So here it is, what I currently open my computer and see every time:

The Avett Brothers say it simple and plain (they sing it even better). This simplistic reminder is a great way to get my brain working; I've decided what to be, so why don't I just go be it? Well of course there is more to this than just being it, but the determination to reach the goal and be it, is most important to me. Many people waver about what they want to be and accomplish in life. This sounds good, but this sounds better, but what is our gift? What would help me or you or the person sitting next to you be it? What is our God-given gift or passion that becomes the catalyst to just being it.

What have you decided to be? How are you intending to be it? Because somehow I believe we never stop becoming who we want to be but the journey is there and in the journey we are being it.

All to God

Cloudy

I love reading the Bible. I love reading it for many reasons; it's the inspired and guiding Word of God from God for us, it's legitimate history, It tells us how and why Jews and Gentiles alike received salvation, it shows us how to live consistent Christian lives, and so much more.

Reading through Genesis, I have enjoyed the story, the history, and also what is left to my imagination. Like, who else may have been created soon after Adam and Eve, what went on in Isaac's mind when he found out that Abraham was about to slaughter him, how weird it must have been when Jacob came out holding Esau's ankle.

Of course none of what is left to my imagination is essential to the plan of salvation and thus whatever my suspicions may uncover, and if they are even correct assumptions they are not essential to the ultimate reason the story is laid out like it is.

And people don't seem to understand that.

People get hung up on why the Scriptures don't tell us more about the other people at the beginning of time. Or whatever happened to Joseph? Why do we need to know about Joseph if it wasn't important to the salvation plan. I'm sure Joseph was a wholesome man, probably a fine father and husband, but Jesus belonged in the limelight because he is the fulfillment. 

But I do like to imagine the different things in and around the story, however I don't let it cloud the wonderful truth that is the story of salvation. Because the story itself is enthralling enough, I mean it's only the history of how no matter what...we win...because Jesus did, and that's wonderful.

All to God

Fall Brings Change

Summer is fading, those days of sandy toes, wet bathing suits, fruity smoothies, and all that lie within is going with the birds about to migrate south. To some (like the school children) are not so happy about these things fluttering away. However, there is something about the coming fall weather that seems intimate. Something that makes blankets and coffee, movies and food, and some other third thing, really inviting.

It's a change that gets me excited for the holiday seasons, family gatherings, and the different things that fall brings. To me it is a welcome change. Of course I am never satisfied and at some point in this season I will probably be complaining about how chilly it's getting.

Nevertheless, this season has always brought about a more focused side of me. Hopefully it will bring about something different from this fleeting summer. This summer has been helpful in many ways, but I do feel that there is something new or at least something bigger that needs to happen or that will happen. I know that my focus this fall needs to be emphasized on support raising, not on some job I'm holding.

Ironically money-making is a distracting factor in support raising, and a distracting factor in purpose. This fall season I pledge to make my purpose more apparent even within myself. I wish to make this seasonal change a change within my focus...my focus on the temporary to the immovable, unshakable commission and how I play a role in that with the passion I find in my heart for global ministry.

So in this season of change I implore you, to be a part of this ministry. Pray, give, send words of encouragement, tell your church about this, be in this part of life with me and be an essential part of life as we know it here on earth for the Kingdom.

Bring on the season of change.

All to God.

Leaving the Playground

Many times we ask ourselves the wrong questions, we become afraid when we answer the wrong questions because these answers are not the answers we should focus on. When we do this to ourselves it creates a mess in our brain that unless we start asking ourselves the right questions and concluding with the right answers, we might just drive ourselves into twisted unanswered confusion.

And that ain't no way to live.

When we start going back to what's pure about the very start of this mess we created for ourselves we can see where we can end up once again. Satan likes to pile up our insecurities about our thoughts and how we view others and ourselves. Insecurity is certainly the Devil's playground...and it's open to the public. 

Insecurity makes us question our very hearts with gut-wrenching intensity. It even makes us question our good parts; morals, religion, love, humanity, and all that is pure about these things and more. 

But we belong to a patient God that allows us to freak out and then come to him begging for understanding about our own selves. He is truly a counselor, He is able to make the playground a desolate, underpopulated, decrepit piece of land that is up for rezoning and and reclaiming for the better of the community that surrounds it. 

God calls us to ask him the hard questions even about our own lives because like a father he wants to know what lays heavy on the heart of his children. He will answer those questions in due time, and in his time those answers are magnified for his glory. 

Praise God that he keeps us close and whispers the answers in the serenity of his love and compassion for us. Because I think somewhere the Lord told that guy Jeremiah that he had plans for his welfare and not for evil...for something like a future and a hope.

If I know my God, he wants the same for us in the modern era, because our God is constant and in this we have assurance. Praise be.

All to God

Heart and Wallet

It's already happening....graduates amnesia. This is a condition where a current graduate from an institute of learning somehow forgets that the rest of their friends are not graduates and continues to ask them "what are you doing tomorrow?" or something of the like. This question only to be met with the obvious answer such as  a confused yet sarcastic remark like "Ummm...going to class." Yes it has run rampant in this brain of mine.

But in other news about conditions concerning the brain, I have this issue where my brain likes to latch the majority of its focus on something. It used to be school and having to reach an end goal by a certain point a "just stick with it" mentality. Since I no longer have to focus on school, this focus has taken a turn towards my job. My small little job that won't last for much longer because of the end of the season is taking over my focus space, when in reality it should be filled with support raising.

I do not want support raising to be my side job because it is part of my "career." That is hard when the job that pays you money is where you spend the majority of your time. It is hard to do both. This has been both my struggle and an annoyance to me as I know what I should be doing in both areas but yet I don't know how to make significant time for them both.

Oh....the struggle.

I know where my heart lies and I know where my wallet lies....how to balance this is something of a mystery, but this is yet another classroom in a different form. I'm not sure if I am passing, I suppose time will tell and I am confident that God will see me through on both accounts, and that comforts me.

Well I shall keep you posted through my goings and comings and everything throughout. If you are praying for me and this year-long journey I am trying to take by next June, I appreciate every word uttered. What am I saying, if you are praying for me in general I am most appreciative. Thank you.

All to God

A Beautiful Thing

When I started this journey this summer as a graduate from an institution of higher education in Biblical exposition and cross-cultural ministries, living with international people, and grabbing a job that is just that...a job, in the Outer Banks of NC, I thought it different. There was a time where dreamworld seemed to take over in the few days before moving to the house on the sound side. But I think I didn't even have this much culture shock when I spent two summers in Bosnia.

I was shoved out of a world of homework, tests, and performance stress and after 17 years of schooling suddenly I have a Bachelor's degree and need to hold a job to pay off massive amounts of debt. So there I sat in a new house in a new place, with new people who still insisted their worldview into our everyday lives which meant flexibility on both parts even though flexibility seemed to be questionable at times. It was a strange concept to be in my own culture and still having to do a few things slightly more customarily to what someone else believes is appropriate.

When I thought about how this summer would be, I thought much of it would be spent on the beach when I wasn't at work (which isn't entirely off course), busting my hump with support raising which has regrettably somewhat taken a bit of a back-burner because of my focus on my job, and running everyday getting my workout on...but alas that has suffered dramatically as well.

It's not at all worked out the way I had planned but it hasn't been a disaster, and that is the beautiful thing about not being completely in control. It is the blissfully wonderful thing about being merely human and only having a limited amount of ability to fashion the course of our lives. Although I am stressing a little bit about support raising and although I am facing a higher number in debt, and even though sometimes I have a bad attitude about my situation, I seem to perk up in a short while because I know who holds my future, my faith is secure because I know who is the author and perfecter of it. I praise him for letting me be able to let go of control that I sometimes deem as rightfully mine. It is a beautiful thing.

All to God

Venting

It's raining, I'm tired of working, yes I'm complaining. I'm tired of all this Chick fil a business because it doesn't matter, I want to smack every politician and office holder right in the face and scream,"DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS?" I miss my boyfriend, I miss having time, I miss my friends.

I feel all tangled up inside. It's one of those moments where I really just want to be free of everything, like hit the road and go very far away and see what I will see.

But you can never be free of it all, the only way to do that is by being released from these bodies of ours. That will only happen in death or by the coming of Christ.

I find myself falling into this state of stagnant life and I'm definitely not made for that. Every piece of me desires to break from that. I'm not a 9-5 worker, I can't just work a job and feel as if this is where I am supposed to be.....it's just not who I am.

And one more vent about CFA, it makes me angry that millions of Christians would go buy massive amounts of fast food because some people believe that the CEO or whatever shouldn't disagree with homosexuality. It only makes me angry because there are people trying to spread the gospel who need money to do so, and people are so willing to jump on buying billions of dollars worth of chicken but when preachers, youth ministers, any type of Christian minister is in need of funds because they believe in bringing Christ to people, so many are slow to respond. I don't know I'm very much venting and I need to do some praying.

All to God

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July Grumpies

Working in a place where you sell souvenirs and overpriced candy makes you realize that this side of the tourist season makes most tourist a little grumpier for some odd reason. But on this side of summer I seem to be a little bit happier and more content and a little more dreamier for some reason which..I dig.

Because when your extended backyard looks like this:

You tend to find some perspective and dream a little more. I can see why most of those tourists are grumpy, soon they will have to leave and not come back for a whole year, but while it's still warm even in the off season I can dip my toes in the water all I want.

It's kinda nice.

All to God.

Love Through Prayer (this month)

As some of you know and many of you do not, the "holy" month of Ramadan for the Islamic faith has recently begun. I ask you to pray for this sensitive time for those who practice Islam so that in their wandering through their fasting and praying that somehow God would use this to open doors for them to see him in his true light.

I am praying for these people and those who are already ministering to them in Christ's name. That they might be bold to tell the story of Jesus and that the people might be bold enough to open their hearts to the message of the Messiah; why he came and why he is coming again and who we should be because of that. It is a time of prayer for the Christian as well so that the fastest growing religion might breakdown their walls to a God who loves and who is righteous.

Love on these people through prayer and compassion constantly but keep them in mind specifically this month. Would you devote some time in prayer for these people this month?

All to God

Letter, Get One.

So the week rolls on with a work-filled Saturday. Two kinds of work actually, on the one hand I worked my usual job, a full 8 hours in my usual store. BUT another job that I had today was finishing up my support letter!

YAAAY!!!!

SO as you might tell I am very excited about this. Now the next thing that has to be done is to send them. Oh  in the sending of them..I always seem to have a component missing, like a while ago I didn't have any stamps. Well now I don't have ink in my printer nor is my printer linked up to this computer and alas I do not have the disc to do such.

BUT I will assess this conundrum in a timely manner.

Luckily there is a the power of technology and there is e-mail! So that's always a good thing. Also E-MAILS...

SEND ME EMAILS OR HOME ADDRESSES

....you know only if you want to get the letter

Well, lets get this ball rolling!

All to God

PHEW!

So as I sit here eating a very delicious bowl of Wendy's chili at midnight, I must exclaim:

PHHHEEWW!

I'm very tired and very hungry and work was a beat in the face that reminds me that these kind of jobs are not my calling in this life. But it also reminds me that I must go through this now for the bigger concept of how my life might pan out. 

And oh, how I am yearning to get to that point, when these small jobs become significant stepping stones to bring me further down the road and help me see clearer where the path is leading me. I thank God a lot that I have this job to see me through my financial needs and I thank him for providing for me in so many ways. I also thank him for allowing me to see bits and pieces of what he has for me in the future so that it might get me through the not so desirable yet important jobs that should help me.

Some weeks are rougher than others, if there is one important skill that God has taught me and is still teaching me through my years is the dreaded patience. I thank him for helping me wait it out, without his masterful tutelage I would be fuming out of the ears ready to get out of here and do what I want to do and not care about anything else.

And who wants to be friends with that kind of person?

Well I'll continue to ponder over my chili and sleep off another hard evening at work ready to wake up and take on another one.

All to God 

Raging Seas

Have you ever had a day where it seems that everything seems to be going exceptionally well? Me too, well almost. Yesterday I had a great first half of the day but then when I got to work that day that had been so good turned into a big ugly mess.
Every time I turned around I was doing something wrong. At most every moment I needed help with something. I'm sure that every customer thought I was the new kid on the block even though I have been there for two months.
Anywho, though I had a terrible work day I came home with a blistering feeling of annoyance with myself. All of a sudden I realized that I couldn't keep this self-loathing feeling up or my night would have ended with the sun going down on my anger.
Even being angry with myself I couldn't let my anger be my last emotion before I went to sleep. So, I started thanking God for all the good things and blessings that he had given me that very day.
So I guess what I'm saying is that although I may have had a really bad night, by the end of it I had to think of the positivity that I had earlier that day. Thanking God and giving him all the praise even in the terrible funk I was in helped me not only sleep but feel a sense of peace that only really comes from knowing that there is a Father who does give us that peace even when we feel that the peace inside of us has been utterly rocked.
It's a love that moves us through our troubled souls. It's a love that calms the very raging  seas.
All to God

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Solo Oh No, and Other News

I've been working a lot, I've been building relationships with people in my new community and that feels good. I have found a church to be my constant and I am excited about where that might lead me. I have been very busy lately so I am sorry for not writing to you all for a while.

Well life is moving and I can see God putting people in my path. He is teaching me more and more that outside of the "Bible college bubble" that ministry is life. I am grateful for this intensive course in ministry and I don't even have to draw a loan for it!

In other news there is a lot to be done and I wouldn't be human if I never admitted my nervousness in how it will all pan out in regards to next year. I have so much faith in God that it will come together for my good as he knows what is best for me. I have not seen the door close yet so I will go along this path that I am taking these days, but the good news is I don't have to walk it alone.

Often times we are catching this contagious sickness that I will deem the "solo oh no" simply because it rhymes. But what this sickness' side effects contain are: a feeling you are the only one going through something or challenged by something, discouragement, fear, doubt, and possible anger may occur.

The cure of this "solo oh no" is remembering that you are not alone physically, spiritually, or emotionally. There are others out there in this tiny world that are doing or going through some of the same things that you are, thus having the same feelings. There is also a God who understands and knows that it ain't all peach cobblers on a warm summer afternoon around here.

I am a culprit or victim (however you look at it) of "solo oh no" when it comes to things like paying off school debt and still making it overseas next year. These are anxieties that I have most and that I know that I am not the only one trying to do either of those things but sometimes it still gets to me. And if you let him, God will sort it out in yours and my willing hands.

Life is good and exciting, and challenging, but we have been given the tools to accept that challenge and meet those expectations.

All to God

If It's the Beaches

I saw it coming, I told myself it would happen, and alas, it has. I have reached a point where nostalgia is not good enough, and I crave the real thing. I've seen pictures, and read newsletters of the new happenings in Bosnia and I think I almost shed a tear. I very much miss that place and those people and I miss learning about it from those people. I'm sad that this year was not the year to go, but I am leaving it in God's hands and allowing my faith to be open for the ministry that could be had here in the States.

It already feels like I could be used here in very timely ways. Though there is always a feeling of the long-term goal lingering, especially if you have already had a taste of it. I miss that place something awful but I know and feel in my heart that this is the place that God wants me to be for now, and what a better place to be than the beaches of North Carolina!

Next year however, Lord willing, I will be there, learning, planning, ministering. This year I am still doing things on the cross-cultural side, even letting people of the cross-cultural persuasion live with us! I am very excited to have a slew of new friends that I can call family.

I think it's gonna be good. Don't you think?

All to God.

One or two years ago

One year ago

One year ago today, this day May 30th, I got on a plane with one of my favorite people, Steph Saufley, in the JFK airport to fly into Moscow which led to Vienna, Austria where we waited on another of my favorite people, Beth Summay, to pick us up. We waited for maybe 2 hours after we landed because of some traffic complications in Vienna but what a welcome sight it was to see Beth walking towards us. All the while of course I could have looked online with the complimentary internet service that the Vienna airport provides to see that they were running a little late. Silly me.

Then we drove many-a-mile through Hungary where Steph, Beth, and myself were very much without a personal bubble in the backseat of the Summay's Astra. We made a little map stop on the way through Hungary, but it all went well because another woman I wouldn't mind hugging again, Liz Crittendon along with Cindy Cobb (who I also wouldn't mind hugging again) got us to BiH by sunrise and all was well. 

Two years ago

Two years ago today, this day May 30th, I was still in Kentucky in training for my first experience of BiH. It was the first week I met and got to know Beth face to face, as well as my fellow teammates and the other interns who were going various places in the world. Even Steph was there to coach the Spain team, who knew a year later she would be going to Bosnia with me and I would be, in a small way, coaching her for a week. Being in Kentucky on this day I can't exactly remember what we did, so much happened that week, but I know that it felt like we had all been friends for a very long time, and by today, two years ago, we had only known each other for five days. 

Both years I also walked into my terminal at the beginning of each adventure with a heavy heart because I was walking away from some of my most favorite people, my family, my mom, dad, Annie, Brian, Katie, and Dave. But there is a certain peace that God gives you in situations such as these. The heart that was heavy turns into total faith because that's all you really have when you leave most everything you know behind. It's a faith that you can't ignore, one that you can't help but be thankful for in times when you suddenly feel sharp instances of fear only to be calmed and reassured by the only One who can soothe the soul.

Soon enough I'll be setting off on a new adventure, one that will go on longer than just a summer, one that will no doubt be hard yet thrilling all at the same time. 

You all have been an integral part in these last two years in regards to ministry and future ministry. I am truly thankful for your ongoing prayers and your ongoing gifts of financial sacrifice and I am excited to share in this next endeavor with you. I hope you will get on the plane with me next year.

All to God

All the new things

Hello all! Well It has been an interesting few weeks to start off the summer and the year before I head off to Bosnia. There is newness all around even in simple life itself and I excited to tell you about it as well as live it with you.

Many new things are afoot; I have recently started a new job to help with the rent of my new house and to fund the eating habits of a new cook who is starting to reap the benefits of being around her mother for 22 years while she makes supper for all of us. Also, finding a new church to attend and flourish in is also a new thing in my path. New friends, a new community, new people to minister too if the gospel so presents itself as it often does.

There is a lot that is going to happen this year and I have a funny feeling that I will learn a lot since I have already started learning a lot. Much of this year will be used in preparation for next June when I will hopefully be heading over to Bosnia for a full robust 12 months.

And there's a lot that goes into this year for the next year.

However, I do plan to enjoy this summer and the time I've been given here in the States for using the 24 hour beach access I have and hanging out with family and friends. All the while I will be working to earn the trust of financial supporters and prayer supporters which I am excited to really start...well....starting.

Please be in prayer for this next year as I am raising support, teaching myself a little more Bosnian, and just living life in new ways. Thank you all for your prayers and financial sacrifices, you are all too kind to me.

All to God

Expanding the Overload

Ok, so here is the long version of Blessed Overload that I promised you.

Days like yesterday always happen to quickly. Too many congratulations, hugs from dear ones, pictures, and questions about the future. All these things are things met with the joy of a new graduate who loved the congratulations, hugs, pictures, and questions. All the friends and family who gathered in the same building yesterday giving a hoot and a holler as I walked across the stage really encouraged me to know that so many people have supported and still do support me throughout the years.

These are only a few of the very important people who have supported me and who I believe always will (my Dad isn't in the picture but he's one of them too!) Even through academic struggle or personal struggle, each of us had the love it took to deal with each other and be proud of each other nonetheless (and this goes for my friends too.) It is a love that through each network of persons who have loved through the trials and victories reflect the kind of love that God has for me. This has encouraged me more than anything throughout my college years.

It will take a few.......months to let all of this sink in, it is still very new and different since I have spent the last  16 years in school. God has blessed me with the amenities to live life outside of school as he has provided me with a job and a place to live. I am excited for the future but for now I am swimming in God's blessings and showering him with praise in return.

As it was said in the commencement ceremony, we have a more important task before us, and I am excited to carry out the task! I am excited also for those who are working for the same cause, those who made this milestone with me!

Thanks for your encouragement and prayers because as I have said many times before and it never is any less true, are blessings beyond measure. So thank YOU.

All to God