And Go Be It

Right now my desktop background is not a picture of Bosnia, anything in or around the place itself. Right now my desktop background is something that meets me right here, right where I am. For a while every time I would open my computer I would see a lovely picture of something from my days in the good ol' Balkans reminding me of where I want to be, why I want to be there, and the memories that remain.

But last night I changed that photo to one I didn't take myself and with words that I did not write. It is blunt, still reminds me where I should be and what I should do but it resonates. My love for the band who wrote these lyrics is not part of the equation (theyaremyultimatefavorite). So here it is, what I currently open my computer and see every time:

The Avett Brothers say it simple and plain (they sing it even better). This simplistic reminder is a great way to get my brain working; I've decided what to be, so why don't I just go be it? Well of course there is more to this than just being it, but the determination to reach the goal and be it, is most important to me. Many people waver about what they want to be and accomplish in life. This sounds good, but this sounds better, but what is our gift? What would help me or you or the person sitting next to you be it? What is our God-given gift or passion that becomes the catalyst to just being it.

What have you decided to be? How are you intending to be it? Because somehow I believe we never stop becoming who we want to be but the journey is there and in the journey we are being it.

All to God

Cloudy

I love reading the Bible. I love reading it for many reasons; it's the inspired and guiding Word of God from God for us, it's legitimate history, It tells us how and why Jews and Gentiles alike received salvation, it shows us how to live consistent Christian lives, and so much more.

Reading through Genesis, I have enjoyed the story, the history, and also what is left to my imagination. Like, who else may have been created soon after Adam and Eve, what went on in Isaac's mind when he found out that Abraham was about to slaughter him, how weird it must have been when Jacob came out holding Esau's ankle.

Of course none of what is left to my imagination is essential to the plan of salvation and thus whatever my suspicions may uncover, and if they are even correct assumptions they are not essential to the ultimate reason the story is laid out like it is.

And people don't seem to understand that.

People get hung up on why the Scriptures don't tell us more about the other people at the beginning of time. Or whatever happened to Joseph? Why do we need to know about Joseph if it wasn't important to the salvation plan. I'm sure Joseph was a wholesome man, probably a fine father and husband, but Jesus belonged in the limelight because he is the fulfillment. 

But I do like to imagine the different things in and around the story, however I don't let it cloud the wonderful truth that is the story of salvation. Because the story itself is enthralling enough, I mean it's only the history of how no matter what...we win...because Jesus did, and that's wonderful.

All to God

Fall Brings Change

Summer is fading, those days of sandy toes, wet bathing suits, fruity smoothies, and all that lie within is going with the birds about to migrate south. To some (like the school children) are not so happy about these things fluttering away. However, there is something about the coming fall weather that seems intimate. Something that makes blankets and coffee, movies and food, and some other third thing, really inviting.

It's a change that gets me excited for the holiday seasons, family gatherings, and the different things that fall brings. To me it is a welcome change. Of course I am never satisfied and at some point in this season I will probably be complaining about how chilly it's getting.

Nevertheless, this season has always brought about a more focused side of me. Hopefully it will bring about something different from this fleeting summer. This summer has been helpful in many ways, but I do feel that there is something new or at least something bigger that needs to happen or that will happen. I know that my focus this fall needs to be emphasized on support raising, not on some job I'm holding.

Ironically money-making is a distracting factor in support raising, and a distracting factor in purpose. This fall season I pledge to make my purpose more apparent even within myself. I wish to make this seasonal change a change within my focus...my focus on the temporary to the immovable, unshakable commission and how I play a role in that with the passion I find in my heart for global ministry.

So in this season of change I implore you, to be a part of this ministry. Pray, give, send words of encouragement, tell your church about this, be in this part of life with me and be an essential part of life as we know it here on earth for the Kingdom.

Bring on the season of change.

All to God.

Leaving the Playground

Many times we ask ourselves the wrong questions, we become afraid when we answer the wrong questions because these answers are not the answers we should focus on. When we do this to ourselves it creates a mess in our brain that unless we start asking ourselves the right questions and concluding with the right answers, we might just drive ourselves into twisted unanswered confusion.

And that ain't no way to live.

When we start going back to what's pure about the very start of this mess we created for ourselves we can see where we can end up once again. Satan likes to pile up our insecurities about our thoughts and how we view others and ourselves. Insecurity is certainly the Devil's playground...and it's open to the public. 

Insecurity makes us question our very hearts with gut-wrenching intensity. It even makes us question our good parts; morals, religion, love, humanity, and all that is pure about these things and more. 

But we belong to a patient God that allows us to freak out and then come to him begging for understanding about our own selves. He is truly a counselor, He is able to make the playground a desolate, underpopulated, decrepit piece of land that is up for rezoning and and reclaiming for the better of the community that surrounds it. 

God calls us to ask him the hard questions even about our own lives because like a father he wants to know what lays heavy on the heart of his children. He will answer those questions in due time, and in his time those answers are magnified for his glory. 

Praise God that he keeps us close and whispers the answers in the serenity of his love and compassion for us. Because I think somewhere the Lord told that guy Jeremiah that he had plans for his welfare and not for evil...for something like a future and a hope.

If I know my God, he wants the same for us in the modern era, because our God is constant and in this we have assurance. Praise be.

All to God

Heart and Wallet

It's already happening....graduates amnesia. This is a condition where a current graduate from an institute of learning somehow forgets that the rest of their friends are not graduates and continues to ask them "what are you doing tomorrow?" or something of the like. This question only to be met with the obvious answer such as  a confused yet sarcastic remark like "Ummm...going to class." Yes it has run rampant in this brain of mine.

But in other news about conditions concerning the brain, I have this issue where my brain likes to latch the majority of its focus on something. It used to be school and having to reach an end goal by a certain point a "just stick with it" mentality. Since I no longer have to focus on school, this focus has taken a turn towards my job. My small little job that won't last for much longer because of the end of the season is taking over my focus space, when in reality it should be filled with support raising.

I do not want support raising to be my side job because it is part of my "career." That is hard when the job that pays you money is where you spend the majority of your time. It is hard to do both. This has been both my struggle and an annoyance to me as I know what I should be doing in both areas but yet I don't know how to make significant time for them both.

Oh....the struggle.

I know where my heart lies and I know where my wallet lies....how to balance this is something of a mystery, but this is yet another classroom in a different form. I'm not sure if I am passing, I suppose time will tell and I am confident that God will see me through on both accounts, and that comforts me.

Well I shall keep you posted through my goings and comings and everything throughout. If you are praying for me and this year-long journey I am trying to take by next June, I appreciate every word uttered. What am I saying, if you are praying for me in general I am most appreciative. Thank you.

All to God

A Beautiful Thing

When I started this journey this summer as a graduate from an institution of higher education in Biblical exposition and cross-cultural ministries, living with international people, and grabbing a job that is just that...a job, in the Outer Banks of NC, I thought it different. There was a time where dreamworld seemed to take over in the few days before moving to the house on the sound side. But I think I didn't even have this much culture shock when I spent two summers in Bosnia.

I was shoved out of a world of homework, tests, and performance stress and after 17 years of schooling suddenly I have a Bachelor's degree and need to hold a job to pay off massive amounts of debt. So there I sat in a new house in a new place, with new people who still insisted their worldview into our everyday lives which meant flexibility on both parts even though flexibility seemed to be questionable at times. It was a strange concept to be in my own culture and still having to do a few things slightly more customarily to what someone else believes is appropriate.

When I thought about how this summer would be, I thought much of it would be spent on the beach when I wasn't at work (which isn't entirely off course), busting my hump with support raising which has regrettably somewhat taken a bit of a back-burner because of my focus on my job, and running everyday getting my workout on...but alas that has suffered dramatically as well.

It's not at all worked out the way I had planned but it hasn't been a disaster, and that is the beautiful thing about not being completely in control. It is the blissfully wonderful thing about being merely human and only having a limited amount of ability to fashion the course of our lives. Although I am stressing a little bit about support raising and although I am facing a higher number in debt, and even though sometimes I have a bad attitude about my situation, I seem to perk up in a short while because I know who holds my future, my faith is secure because I know who is the author and perfecter of it. I praise him for letting me be able to let go of control that I sometimes deem as rightfully mine. It is a beautiful thing.

All to God

Venting

It's raining, I'm tired of working, yes I'm complaining. I'm tired of all this Chick fil a business because it doesn't matter, I want to smack every politician and office holder right in the face and scream,"DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS?" I miss my boyfriend, I miss having time, I miss my friends.

I feel all tangled up inside. It's one of those moments where I really just want to be free of everything, like hit the road and go very far away and see what I will see.

But you can never be free of it all, the only way to do that is by being released from these bodies of ours. That will only happen in death or by the coming of Christ.

I find myself falling into this state of stagnant life and I'm definitely not made for that. Every piece of me desires to break from that. I'm not a 9-5 worker, I can't just work a job and feel as if this is where I am supposed to be.....it's just not who I am.

And one more vent about CFA, it makes me angry that millions of Christians would go buy massive amounts of fast food because some people believe that the CEO or whatever shouldn't disagree with homosexuality. It only makes me angry because there are people trying to spread the gospel who need money to do so, and people are so willing to jump on buying billions of dollars worth of chicken but when preachers, youth ministers, any type of Christian minister is in need of funds because they believe in bringing Christ to people, so many are slow to respond. I don't know I'm very much venting and I need to do some praying.

All to God

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