Telling of Power

Sometimes I wonder that if maybe I were born different, I might appreciate things slightly more, or at least have a better perspective. Let me clarify that I am in no way speaking against my upbringing or complaining about the life I have had in which case I know God has protected me. But I see people who have had great trials in their lives and come out of with faith in God that I have tried to have for so long. I have tremendous faith in God, but these people, they are made to give their testimonies.

Now I know what your thinking, well Emilie...everyone is made to give their testimonies. I agree. However I believe that there are people who have testimonies that only God could piece together so perfectly. Take my testimony for example, well, I don't have much to say, I grew up in church, baptized at the age of 10, hit my teenage years, rebelled for a short while. My conscience wouldn't allow me to rebel anymore so I stopped. Became more involved in my youth group, decided to come to Bible college. Wow riveting stuff right? Well I know I didn't go into detail, but if I did, it still wouldn't impact you much.

But there are people, lots of people, who not by their own will, have stories that glorify the Lord because of the work He's done in them. When I say "not by their own will" I mean, some things happened to them that they could not control, such as I could control rebellion but for a short period of my teenage life took it upon myself to go ahead and act upon. I could get dramatic and say "I hit bottom and God lifted me from the darkness I had created for myself." BUT that would not be the facts. Actually I just felt this urge to return back to what I knew was right all along.

SO whats my point? God never uses the strengths of this world to really drive something home. He uses the weaker things, the things that blindside us, that really make us think. Sometimes it comes in the form of people who have been battered, some form of physical disablement, sometimes it comes in major choices whether it be save the person that has not been saved and let the Christian die, or should I profess the name of Jesus because if I do the people might rise up against me.

I wonder if I didn't have this "privileged life" would I still sing "Holy is the Lord God Almighty" or would I be bitter and jealous? Would I praise God in the midst of my uncertainty of life? Or would I curse Him? Would I love Jesus all the more? Or would I mourn in my ailments?

Would you? Could you?

I would love to say yes I would sing, and praise, and love, but would I? It is only realized after being tested by faith that you can truly say yes...I would. I have been tested, and I hope I passed, but compared to others, my tests have been trying, but compared to a rape victim who forgives her/his offender? Compared to the person born blind, never seeing their mother's face or the sunrise, or anything, yet seeing beauty in God's love is beyond me.

This life is a vapor, how are we spending it? What are we gaining from it? How are we glorifying God in it? If we have a story are we too afraid to tell it? If God has granted us the GIFT of a life so telling of His power, how are we using it to bring other's closer to Him?

This is on my mind and I had to share it.

All to God.

Give me the River

I wish I could sing "I've got peace like a river" but the simple truth is I've got peace like a stormy sea. Now when I say this I mean in Christ I definitely have peace like a river, I am not upset or anything, I am just to dang eager! Everything inside of me is just far too ready to be done, and be out there. I'm not talking about just for a summer (although I am super excited about that) but for my life.

One of the most unfortunate things about being a missions major is that you hear about everything you need to know about being a missionary. You become trained and equipped (as far as one can possibly be). But after a while you get tired of having classes and having exams, you want to BE THERE ALREADY! But then you realize.....you can't, rushing these things are not very wise, and possibly might be outside of God's will. Obviously there are still things to be done here, whether it is being more deeply rooted in your walk with God so that when you go, you are ready, really ready. Or it could be that you have a purpose to fulfill and until that is done you cannot move onto the next stage.

It is still frustrating nonetheless.

My heart is trying to tell my mind to calm down without erasing the passion. It's not working too well but this combative feeling is emotionally draining. Anyway, I am striving for the "peace like a river" mindset in most situations because I really don't need to rush things. God knows what he is doing and he has time in his hands. So yeah if you could see emotion in someone and you saw mine....you would pretty much think I'm hyperactive or something like that. Hey maybe I am...who knows? Just needing that peace that

apparently flows calmly like that proverbial river.

All to God

Easier said than done

Tonight I along with our youth group went to a youth worship thingy called "The Path" some of you may know about it. Anyway, there was a very convicting message on 1 John 2:6.

1 John 2:6 says " He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." The message was basically, if anyone says he believes in Christ let him lead a life as He led.

This is hard to do. I mean obviously who can even fathom doing what Jesus did? Well as impossible as it may seem, it is what we are called to do.

We cannot just be fans of Jesus, we cannot just agree with everything He did and said. We have to look at His life count the cost of following Him, take His examples and live them out. Taking action instead of speaking words.

Jesus isn't a TV show with a great moral message and by the end of it you feel fuzzy inside or even excited. You can't turn Him off and on like that TV show. He is our constant example, our Love for eternity, our King who will come for us. He is everlasting, and thats a reason to lead a life like He led.

So yeah cool message, even though it's super simple to hear and understand, try living it.

All to God.

Attention please!

Hey guys I need YOUR help again! So this summer (2011) I'm going back to Bosnia and I am in need again. I am excited about this opportunity again because it gives me the chance to build relationships with people and strengthen already existing relationships. Also I will be doing language learning again, along with more culture learning.

I will not be going on this trip with an organizati

on, however this is to be my internship for school for graduation in May 2012 (God willing). BUT to me this is more then just a mandatory internship. Ever since I left I think most can agree that it has been a subject of conversation constantly. I think about the people I met and what God showed me there and I cannot wait to go back and have opportunities to share God's love with these people.

I will have the privilege to be around the missionaries I learned under this past summer. Learned under? I'm not sure that's entirely correct. Anyway I need to start getting together things like plane tickets very soon, I am not completely budgeted yet, I apologize for that, but I will be updating about that. I am planning on getting the plane tickets by at least the first week of November. It seems far away but it really is not! This is the first and most urgent thing concerning me financially.

The one thing I cannot stress enough the importance of prayer. I NEED you above all to pray for me. Pray that this is God's will for this summer for me, though I feel certain it is, we should always be open to the possibility that what we feel is certain, really isn't. Pray that if it is God's will that He would prepare the hearts of those I meet for what He would have our relationships come too. Pray that I can effectively show the love of Christ, and persevere through more language and culture boundaries. Pray for the missionaries that I might be a blessing to them instead of a burden. Pray honestly.

I can't thank you all enough who prayed for me and helped me financially last time that's why I'm relying on you again! I will update you on my budget situation.

THANKS!

All to God

Before I go home

I wanted to write a short something before I head home for the rest of the weekend. I'm pretty excited for a not so hectic weekend, those are always nice. I'm always pretty excited about going home and going to our church which 3 years ago would not have been the case.

So it's sunny outside and I need to get home while it's still early so I can enjoy this magnificent day. It started out well by drinking some tea that I actually really enjoyed (I'm not a tea drinker at all, give me COFFEE). But yeah sunny days

around my house are always really beautiful, I enjoy a country scene which is what we have in abundance. The sky against the cotton fields are the best part.

So yeah I should be on my way, to go to an awesome church, an awesome family, some sweet scenery, on a beautiful day. The little things

my friends.

All to God

50 Posts whaaa?

Wow, I write a lot....

Ok on to better things. Today has been a pretty decent day, well so far, it isn't quite over yet. However today isn't to bad of a day.

I like making plans with people, most of the time my plans are REALLY spontaneous...such is my life. Wednesday afternoon me and a few of my fellow cohorts (I enjoy using words I would never use in everyday discussions) just went walking about town. We really had a great time, we ended up in a grave yard where we sat on some benches and despite the lack of life we sat and talked and laughed about mysterious water that kept drizzling on us.

Just today those same cohorts and I went to a local ice cream shop that I had never been in and it was REALLY awesome in there. We had good ice cream and laughed a lot. Laughing seems to occur often between me and my friends which I am not against in any way.

Anyways, I'm all about doing random things, random situations. Not only doing random things but being with some really cool people in the process.

Friends are awesome.

Random stuff = fun times

Pictures of said random stuff is even better.

Pretty sweet stuff man.

All to God

The Baptist Said it Best

I cannot begin to express my desire to just all around be a better person. Even more so be a better person for God. Right now I am constantly reminded of when John the Baptist says "I must decrease and He must increase."

This has been eating at me for a good while tonight. I was reflecting earlier on my own personality and I discovered that I am a self pleasing person. I mean I know that a lot of people in this world are, even Christians. Although I almost painfully want to be a servant, to let others come far before me, I seem to want to keep a foot in front of them. As you can tell this is not my favorite attribute about myself.

I want to lift God up so much that my heart aches for it. But as an imperfect being, being in love with God is not as easy as it seems.

I know my love for my Savior is more than for any human, I KNOW this. But I love Him in the way that I know that my love can never surpass His love for me. God won't let me fall. He won't let me be completely obliterated by this world. Even if my physical being is destroyed, they cannot destroy the bond between me and God.

However, as I said, I am fallible and loving God takes concentration, and sometimes I can become somewhat ADD. Needless to say, I'm working on it. I had a conversation with God today about my heart, and I feel certain He has it under control.

I have felt a heaviness in my chest lately, nothing like a physical illness, but just pressing matters that I think God is laying on my heart. Like how to get some stuff started in my church, and what to do after college as far as money is concerned.

I have to give everything to Him, He knows me best and can deal with them far better than I could ever imagine. I must glorify His name even if I don't get answers straight away or the answers I didn't necessarily want. He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

All to God.

It's Late

Sometimes I wish that everything I owned could fit in a duffel bag.

Though I love learning I am growing very tired of being a student in a classroom.

But ironically I love school.

Emilie fun fact #1: I won't know what to do with my life after college.

I want to go outside more than I do.

I'm finally starting to write poetry again, after a number of years.

Emilie fun fact #2: I think the word "poetry" sounds really snobbish.

When I hear harmony in a song, most of the time I think the person who is singing harmony should come out with their own stuff.

I heart banjo

Emilie fun fact #3: Since being home from Bosnia I have wanted to pronounce a "J" like a "Y" as in Yellow, on numerous occasions.

I get more frustrated with myself more than most people realize.

Butter pecan is probably one of my favorite ice cream flavor of all time, however I hate nuts in most anything else.

How am I going to pay off my student loans? Have no clue.

I pretty tolerant of most anybody, so it's kind of weird when little things get on people's nerves.

Hi my name is Emilie and I love my home church more and more, when I left for college I wanted nothing to do with it, so non-productive church hopping ensued. There I confess. But now I am in love.

I've never missed so many people all at once in my whole life.

I would like to take a few of my really good friends and travel, and take a lot of pictures and make silly videos.

Most of my super good friends want to be missionaries, it's gonna be awesome going to see them in their respective places one day.

I'm really excited about a certain baby girl that is going to be born very soon :) ( those of you reading this Annie is NOT pregnant, it's someone else.)

I cry almost every time someone gets baptized.

I'm going to stop writing now.

Hope you enjoyed.

All to God.

My Randomness Slightly Organized

Today has been slightly stressful, it really has been an emotional roller coaster. These were the emotions throughout the day:

Morning: tired and irritated

Mid-morning: under pressure

Late-morning: release of pressure

Afternoon: irritated

Evening: calmer, tired, slightly focused

Each one of these emotions have their reasons, they are not just listed randomly. I am a girl but mostly my emotions know their place.

I got to talk about Bosnia again today, heck I even got to sing in Bosnian. Just for the record I feel like people are super tired of hearing about Bosnia. But it has kinda been a big part of my life now. I think about that place and those people almost hourly, if not sooner.

So am I ready to just go to bed right now and wake up at 5 am? Yes, I would be totally down for that, however I have some homework that needs to get done before our weekly hall devos. I think I will try this method one evening because catching up on sleep would be a huge blessing.

Never in my life do I ever want to hear someone say that being a student is not a job (not that I really have, I'm just saying). I would even go so far as to say being a Bible college student is even more of a job, and anything branching off of Bible college that one may not necessarily get paid for.

Beth Summay if you read this, Happy Birthday (as I write this it's still your birthday). I love you, lady and I'm praying for you always.

Now I'm going to drink coffee, do some homework, get tonights devos over with and go to bed. There is a rough outline for the rest of my night. God brought me through today, he deserves all the glory.

All to God

December? Really?

TODAY.....we had a sweet cookout with the family like we do every year in the summer but this year it had to be held off until September due to 3 busy ladies (Annie, Katie, and I). We all have a blast when we get together, we love each other, and we live in extremely close proximity with each other.

However, when we were saying goodbye for the night something hit me. My cousin was saying goodbye to us and let me give you some perspective of just how close we live to each other. Between us and that cousin and his family, there is a small field, a pecan grove, another medium size field, and their house. So literally we are right down the road from each other...as is the rest of our family.

So this is what he says when we are saying our goodbyes, "see you in December." Of course December as you know is Christmas time and we all also get together for that also. When he said this I flashback to Bosnia. In Bosnia, people visit each other, if you live an hour up in the villages and you have friends in town, the friends in town make a point to come and visit. I don't know, it is sad to me when people who are especially blood kin who live not even a half a mile away say see you in December.

Lets do the math, December is three months away, sadly, I fear, I really won't see my cousins whom I love in three months, and there is no expectancy of a visit between either of us. This is sad and I want it to change, I would like to change it.

All to God

Short synopsis

I have an overwhelming desire to get back overseas.

I know I don't understand some things.

Sometimes my brain feels scrambled.

I feel behind probably a lot more than I am.

I do have feelings of inadequacy that the Enemy uses against me.

I confess I have a Maker that the Enemy cannot overcome.

My faith is tested over and over.

I feel that I pass, but sometimes hardly.

One thing I know of love of anything, it's hard to let go.

I miss a slew of people, and think about them constantly.

I want to be a missionary overseas, and I'm hungry for the field.

God knows what He's doing I should shut up and listen.

I want to live my life simply for Jesus

Those are the things on my mind this night, therefore I do not slumber.

All to God.

In Spirit and Truth

Sometimes I can't help but want to be extremely happy at the fact that I, a woman, average in height and stature, a microscopic dot on an already microscopic planet has the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I am reminded of it's power when I speak on something the Lord has put on my heart and I sometimes I look back at what I said and I didn't know that it could come out of me. I'm simple in theology and simple of mind, I'm no idiot, but I am simple.

My heart races, I get shaky, I get excited, my eyes get wide, and my voice gets louder. But what I really feel inside of me when I feel the Spirit working it's a whirlwind of emotion contained and distributed properly. I can't explain it any better than that. Then again I can't put the Spirit in a box too. But it is amazing to me how we can feel the Spirit within us and we can see it come through in people.

It is visible if you pay attention, body motions, facial expressions, and somehow you can tell they aren't acting. God is amazing I can't express it enough or more thoroughly than that. He is beyond measure and that's why He's my God, no one can surpass Him and he will never fade away. Yep our God is everything and then some.

All to God

Desire vs. Perspective

There is so much that goes on in life, I mean just today I got up, went to Sunday school, church, lunch, skate (what little I did before scraping my arm, I'm not that legit/hardcore about it), and then church in the evening. A lot happens very fast throughout our day. No this isn't a blog about how we need "quiet time" even though that is necessary too. But I got to thinking today about the things I really need.

Yes I need church and lunch (food, sustenance, etc.) Skating usually means hang out time, and of course we need community. However I was thinking about something most girls desire, and that would be to have a husband. Of course I desire the companionship and the love that comes with having a husband, I even desire the hard times that come with that commitment (most of you married people reading this are probably saying psh yeah right.) But seriously if the Lord blesses me with a man to be my husband then that would be a very welcome blessing, specially if he's one who wishes to do missions overseas long-term.

However inside everything is screaming for Jesus and Him alone. If there is not someone who is to come in my life then I have turned my mind to the perspective that if I am in the will of God my life will be what it should be and I will be more blessed than I ever imagined.

I feel in my heart that there are a lot of things we think we need resulting from things that happen throughout our day to day lives, and what we have been taught. For ladies we feel we need husbands and that we need to have babies, but the fact is, for some of us that is not our reality. I need Jesus. Plain and simple, and as hard as that is sometimes it's the only truth we can hold onto. Paul commends people who stay single and live for the Lord fully, if I am to be that person then I want to live fully for God otherwise I would get distracted.

It is odd when you've just gone through a weekend where your the only one in the house without a significant other. It makes you think on the subject a bit. So yeah, my thoughts displayed.

All to God