This has been eating at me for a good while tonight. I was reflecting earlier on my own personality and I discovered that I am a self pleasing person. I mean I know that a lot of people in this world are, even Christians. Although I almost painfully want to be a servant, to let others come far before me, I seem to want to keep a foot in front of them. As you can tell this is not my favorite attribute about myself.
I want to lift God up so much that my heart aches for it. But as an imperfect being, being in love with God is not as easy as it seems.
I know my love for my Savior is more than for any human, I KNOW this. But I love Him in the way that I know that my love can never surpass His love for me. God won't let me fall. He won't let me be completely obliterated by this world. Even if my physical being is destroyed, they cannot destroy the bond between me and God.
However, as I said, I am fallible and loving God takes concentration, and sometimes I can become somewhat ADD. Needless to say, I'm working on it. I had a conversation with God today about my heart, and I feel certain He has it under control.
I have felt a heaviness in my chest lately, nothing like a physical illness, but just pressing matters that I think God is laying on my heart. Like how to get some stuff started in my church, and what to do after college as far as money is concerned.
I have to give everything to Him, He knows me best and can deal with them far better than I could ever imagine. I must glorify His name even if I don't get answers straight away or the answers I didn't necessarily want. He must increase and I must decrease.
He must increase and I must decrease.
He must increase and I must decrease.
He must increase and I must decrease.
All to God.
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