This week in awareness

This is kind of a spin off of the last blog I wrote. I think it would be beneficial for me to write it out and for those of you who like to read my blog to see the "awareness" happen.

This week has started off very stressful but is winding down nicely. Through all the stresses of the week thus far I have found myself actually being aware of myself, not letting myself get on autopilot. That was a lot of usage of the word "myself" whew.

What I mean by this is that I have looked at the things I do, how I do them, and the motive in which drives me to do them. Is it godly? Is it influenced? The point is...

I don't want to become an android that mimics what it sees or the Christian that relies only on the knowledge I've gained in Bible college to better myself.

Let's just get this out in the open, I am not organized, I am a dreamer, I catch myself thinking more than doing. I get myself in a sick cycle of great ideas, just to be brought down by the fact that it's not going to happen because of this and that, mostly having to do with my inability at the time to accomplish it. I DO NOT have it all together.

So in being aware this week, I have not dreamed of doing things RIGHT NOW that can only be accomplished through planning and time. I have thought about career missionary work very hard this week questions like...

What motivates me? -- People in desperation, fighting for answers. People dying with an eternity of Hell to face. Conviction that I have been given a gift called life that cannot be contained.

Why Bosnia again? -- I have a draw to Bosnia, not because of it's beautiful landscape and good food, but because, even though it's Europe, there is much to be done. I know, very indirect answer. But I don't know what God will do this summer there. Last summer was a learning experience, first overseas trip to check out ministry. I feel that this summer will be a slightly different experience from last summer. I'll let you know how this goes. I'm excited to find out myself :)

So what about the U.S.? -- I have realized that my actions here won't simply change because I am overseas. I need to be active here in the home front too, Christ is still absent in the lives of people here as well, no need to write them off because they are American. That is just ignorance on my part if I don't do these things for the Lord here and now.

Yes, my awareness throughout this week have centered around these thoughts and answers. I'm sure they will develop more with time, and come to fruition. I just pray constantly that God will take hold of Bosnia to glorify himself through his workers and upcoming workers.

All to God