In My Bed, In Bosnia.

I just remembered the dream I had last night. I dreamed (once again...) that I went back home to the U.S. and that's when the anxiety started. Normally in my dreams I don't get anxious, and I have had this type of dream before only what I felt in this dream was magnified about 100x's. In this dream I knew I was dreaming.

I had made it back home (it was a little blurry) and I began to see the blurry faces of my family members when I panicked and said to myself "No, no, this is a dream, all I have to do is wake up and I will be in my bed in Bosnia!." So moments later I woke up. I woke up in my bed in Bosnia, and the first thought I had in my head was "I'm still here!" Now here's a little more context; every time I have had a dream like this I have been getting home early...like months earlier than I should. Every time I am glad to see my family but something inside of me is telling me that this is wrong and I feel strange and out of place.

This time apparently, my subconscious decided to not even entertain the idea of me going home earlier than planned. I couldn't even get a clear picture but I knew I was home but not because I was supposed to be. I woke up and instantly felt better like everything was right.

But let me get something straight since my family reads this...

This in no way implies that I don't miss you or that I don't want to be with you. I wish we could be together so much and while I am excited for the day I get to kiss your faces and hug your necks, I know where my place is right now. I know I have a purpose here and I have to live it out, and while I miss you so, I cannot deny the magnetic pull that this place seems to have on my heart (and apparently my subconscious). 

I was a weird dream, and one of the few where I actually realized I was dreaming while participating in the dream. I remember running away from the blur of what the dream was becoming and then I woke up relieved to find myself in my bed, in Bosnia. 

To my family, I miss you way more than I let on, and I love you deeply. I am glad that I am here and serving in ways I couldn't have foreseen otherwise. The love I have seen, given, and received has been overflowing and I can't help but love being here even when the days are hard. I do love it, and I choose to love it, everyday.

I'll come home, you better believe that, but not quite yet.

All to God