White Carriage: Sensible Pumpkin

I think the worst thing about growing up is actually realizing that there is no other choice but to take up your responsibilities and deal with them like a man (or woman...). I think there comes a time in every young adults life where their internal clock strikes twelve and the beautiful carriage turns into a pumpkin that all of a sudden you realize you can cook and actually utilize.

I've been growing up in two contexts; one that taught me that I am responsible for myself and that people may help but in the end you must have the motivation yourself to take care of you. The other context is now currently teaching me that while the first context is correct, I also must be willing to help others, give of myself even when I get tired (...Do not grow weary of doing good deeds.) This context is stretching me beyond what I thought and I'm realizing that I can stretch more if need be.

I'm learning how to be a woman, in that I do not want to learn how to cook because it is thought to be my place, but because I want to make a home one day, and maybe I want my kids to say "my mom makes the best _____ ever." I'm learning by examples in life how a wife must respect her husband without being unheard. I am learning that virtue is rare these days and I should strive to have some. I've actually enjoyed the moments where in a Bosnian household they let me help serve the meals how every young woman learns how to serve the household and its guests.

But growing up has its advantages; you learn who you are, you find identity in Christ (if you believe in this sort of thing..I do.) You find out who your friends are, you figure out the kind of things you would want in a husband (or wife), no more wandering about, and when it finds you then it has found you. Yeah you might owe a lot of money because of those college years, but you also find out that money isn't everything and the good Lord provides for those who love him. You get to figure things out on your own.

You don't only have to rely on what you have been told, but rather what you make of it all.

Growing up is difficult and I have a lot of it yet to do. But I'm convinced that growing up does not include becoming this person who has it all figured out and gets to decide who hasn't made it to their level of maturity. I'm more inclined to believe it's a process full of laughter, grief, self-pity, achievement, motivation, selfishness, unselfishness, humility, self-realization, love, and lots of grace. It's a mess to grow up, with moments of clarity in between what seems like chaos; good or bad. 

Becoming an adult, whoever thought of such a crazy thing? But it's worth it in the end, especially if you have the privilege of a long life. Many of whom I know that have this privilege tell me that they still haven't grown up. I would have to agree that growing up is not a linear process, but a tangled mess without an end-point, and it is beautiful. For the most part I've enjoyed my tangled mess of adulthood as a woman and child of God. 

Growing and learning everyday, and that's just how it's got to be.

All to God