Raw

These days I have been thinking about my boundaries that I set for myself throughout my life and how they are hindering me (or, rather, I am hindering myself). So when I get in a situation of say, dancing at a special needs party with friends and wonderful kids who were made EXACTLY the way they were supposed to be, sometimes I have to give myself a pep talk and remind this heart of mine.

It's not about you.

I've likened it to raw skin (sorry to be so graphic). I've noticed how limited I have made myself and I have deemed it unfit to be part of the work being done here. So I'm lopping it off. I'm letting the raw skin angrily burn and I'm putting no band-aid over it. I'm allowing time and the soothing balm of self-growth to heal the rawness. I know this is all a little strange. 

So when I was at this party, which was entirely unexpected, I went to the bathroom in the beginning to obviously use for its intended purposes but also to say necessary words to myself. Emilie, go dance with these kids, you probably can't understand a word they say, but darn it...you go have fun with these people, and love them because it's all about loving them. Yes, I said something to this effect out loud to myself, because I just need to most of the time.

And guess what happened....it was awesome. They were so happy. I was so happy to show some love to these sweet people. I was blessed by them, overly blessed, I'm glad I got into the thick of things otherwise I would have been the stuck up, no fun, foreigner. I'd rather dwindle that down to just a foreigner (something I will never escape). 

So there will be other moments throughout life here that the raw skin will just have to ache and burn because in the end it's worth it. I've definitely not arrived, and I never will, however the road to arriving will be winding yet awesome. I hope you can understand what it is I am trying to say because sometimes stuff sounds better in my head. 

By the way...kids, they are something else. In a good way.

All to God