Let Old Acquaintance be Forgot

Well the new year is upon us. With it brings new everything, a new springtime (yeah!), new classes, new semester, a new breath of fresh air...a new tax season. There is lots to accomplish this new year, lot's of new memories to make and friends to meet. It's almost fun to think that there is another 365 days of unknown, but it's also a little scary.

Aside from the scary side of the "unknown-ness" of it all there are some pretty swanky things lining up in the new year already. A) I'm one step closer to graduating, B) My sister is getting married and I will have a new brother, C) I'm (very excitedly) going back to Bosnia! In this new year I just want to apply myself to the things I am doing, and be more confident in my abilities to do these things. In February I will be 21, and I really just want to be more responsible, even though I will eat those words when it comes right down to it.

Remember my blog titled "Betterness"? Well I am trying to achieve "betterness" in my life, it's hard but I think I'm getting somewhere with it. God is a huge part of this betterness, without him I would have no drive to become better. It has a lot to do with surrender you know? I think that we get to a point where some aspects of our lives are surrendered to him, and easily so. Well, I'm trying to get to a point where I'm surrendered to the point that I am completely sold out. I love God and I want him to be the reason for my betterness, so I fully intend on leaning on him and having discussions with him about some things.

He can better me, if I'm willing to let him. He can help me with confidence and responsibility, I am a testament to this already, just in the past two years he has changed me drastically. I love him for it, and so much more.

All to God

Doubt

I have doubts. I have many doubts about how I am going to pay off my massive student loans after college. I have doubts about where I will live while paying off these loans. I have doubts. There is nothing more demanding than money, yet for most people it is the scarcest commodity.

I will have none. I will be very poor according to American standards. While graduating will be a fantastic thing, and very long awaited, it will be bittersweet. Like I said before...I have doubts.

However, having said all of that, I cannot and will not forget the One who provides. Although I know it won't be easy, I know He will be there every step of the way, as long as I allow Him to be. There are a lot of obstacles that are financial and those that are not that I will have to deal with, some for the first time. Growing up is no fun, yes call me naive if you want, but I'm growing up the best way I know how and hopefully I am letting God guide me fully along the way.

I have doubts, God has the ultimate love and power, therefore I have nothing to fear. I know my God is with me.

Doubt Verses Faith

Doubt sees the obstacles

Faith sees the way

Doubt sees the darkest night

Faith sees the day

Doubt dreads to take a step

Faith soars on high

Doubt questions "who believes?"

Faith answers "I"

-- Author unknown

All to God

M is for Music

So I've not always had a love for music, which is surprising seeing as how much I do love it now. When I was younger I would want my friends to turn off the radio because I didn't want to hear it. Of course they were interested in Britney Spears...and I guess thats all I was exposed too and apparently hated it. Then my sisters would make me try to listen to some cd's they got and music was just a bad taste in my mouth. Sidenote: when I say younger I mean like 6 years old or so.

Well ever since then I've loved music. So...I love playing the guitar (limitedly of course), and I LOVE singing. I'm jealous of those who are musically inclined and can sit down with an instrument and just play whatever they want.

I love playing music for Jesus. I know...shocker..but its true. I feel such a happiness when I play songs that I can actually play and they mean something for the King. I absolutely find joy in it.

I thank God for putting those on this earth who pursue music, and are fantastic at what they do. Especially if it's in the name of God, and it's then that I am blessed by them.

All to God

I have You

Your all I want, nothing else

You guide my heart in it's way

So much grace, it's sufficient for me

All I want is your love..

All I want is your love...

Holy, Holy, Holy you are

I have sworn in my heart

To you, O Lord

To go where you show me

All I want is to love you..

All I want is to love you...

You overtake me

I cannot contain this beauty

I am sure of you

All I want is your love..

All I see is your beauty...

I am sure of you

I know you will never leave

I keep you

Yet I want to give you away

I want them to know..

All to God

This is my King

The God of my being, The God of my heart.

Yep that's right, it is that time when I have the privilege to worship my God and King because the God of my heart, the God of my being gave himself to dwell in human form on this earth. I always have this privilege (Thanks be to God) however it is emphasized this time of year. My mind is literally filled with images of that night, be it December 25th or March 27th, I cannot wait to find out all about it one day. That baby Savior in Bethlehem was to save the world, and he lay cooing in something similar to a feeding trough.

The God of my being, The God of my heart.

Master at birth, King of kings upon arrival, born of the Holy Spirit, Birthed to make all things new!

This is my King. He came and he is coming again, and how wonderful my song shall ever be.

This is the God of my being, The God of my heart.

All to God

It's Christmas!

Merry Christmas all you lovely blog viewers out there! The time has come to celebrate with one another. It is a beautiful thing.

Have a beautiful Christmas!

All to God

Santa Sweater

Today while sitting at McDonald's with my sisters listening to our conversation, I looked up and saw a lady with a sweater with Santa's face and above his face it said "believe". While my sisters continued in conversation I could not help but feel slightly disheartened by this sweater and what it seemed to try to accomplish.

Santa is somewhat of a magical creature to our children, though we present him as jolly and caring, viewing this shirt made me feel the loss of the focus of this season. I wondered what it would be like if this person was promoting the birth of a Savior. For the most part (and I don't wish to make anyone angry), well for the all part...Santa is indeed, a lie.

I love the jingles, I love the little claymation movies, because it's a great story, but that's just what it is, a story. Jesus is real, he was born into this world fully human and fully God. Many think this is only a story just like I am saying about Santa, but obviously I believe that Jesus is real.

Christ came into this world to give us the greatest gift ever in the history of gifts. Salvation. To be rid of everything that makes us disgusting, and make us like new all over again, over, and over again.

I'm not trying to bash parents who tell their children about Santa, I had a very smooth transition between thinking Santa was real and finding out he's not. However, thats not every kid's case. Anyway, this person with this sweater promoting the belief in Santa kinda made me think about how Jesus is being pushed closer to the edge of the cliff until society completely pushes him over.

Maybe I'm being slightly over critical, Santa is a fun character of the season but he is rapidly becoming more of the focus which I am not a fan of. Sorry if I come off to "political" on the whole Santa situation, kind of amazing what a simple sweater will make you think about. I just know that Jesus came into the world not to be snubbed out by a man who we have commercialized and who really isn't real. I have tried to look into the history of how all this Kringle stuff came about and I keep getting different stories not knowing which one to take into consideration as historically correct.

Jesus' story stands firm and thats something I can believe in.

All to God

A Tale of a Balcony

Once upon a time there was a balcony, and on this balcony sat a girl. This girl looked out over a large city which sat low in a valley. In this city there were people who spoke a language which the girl did not fully understand, though she tried, she was only there for a short time. Also the people in this city did not know the Christ that the girl knew.

As she sat on the balcony overlooking the city one evening at dusk she imagined all the people in it. She had an urge to see this place become overwhelmed by the love of Jesus, and she knew in some small way she could help a little.

She started praying for this city and the people in it, she knew God was there. She knew she was not there just for nothing.

When the girl left that city, country, continent, and went back to her own, everyday she thought about the place and the people. She still prayed about the spiritual lives of the people and she knew one day she'd be back again.

She's coming back again, and she talks to God everyday about this city, and what she can do there even for a short time. One day we will all live happily ever after.

All to God

Ain't no Stoppin us now.

Tonight was the Christmas play at church and I must say, there is some hidden talent in these young ones (younger than me so I get to say that now yes!). They were all so nervous but they all sang and said their lines great! They set aside their inhibitions and just did it. If they felt like fools, they were fools for the Lord, and he can smile on that.

I know I've talked about Poplar Chapel on this blog some, but I really think that it is going to do some good things while it's transforming. There's a lot this little church must go through to make certain changes but I am confident the leadership and the people will work in God's timing to make it all happen. Ain't no stoppin' us now.

Good job Pop'n chapel youth, and all involved with the play who made it happen (Gotta give props to my big sister Annie) :)

All to God

"Betterness"

Yes, I am done with this semester, yes I am thoroughly happy about this. Yes, I do have much preparing to do before next semester's monstrous nineteen credit hours I'm trying to conquer. But I'm not whining about that, I'm ok with that load because of the fact that it is another step closer to my goal: graduation.

As excited as I am about this semester ending, I really don't want to write a blog about that. I want to write about the fact that I really want to bring "betterness" from this break. I'm not trying to say that I want to go into this break licking my wounds and hiding in the Bible, I really want to rejoice in the name of Christ this Christmas break. I really want to focus most of my time and energy into being with Him. Not staying up till 4am and waking up at 3pm the next day I'm talking real intimacy this time around.

I want to wake up early and find myself captivated by His word and will. I want to walk and talk with Him, I want to sit at His table and talk for a while. I want to stretch my faith and my comfort zone, I want to be used as a blessing instead of stifling myself and becoming a burden.

I want to feel His Love

I want to see His Beauty

I want Him to Consume me like a fire!

I want to go into next semester with a vigor, a lasting one at that. Actually let's phrase this the way it should be taken:

I need to feel His Love

I need to see His Beauty

I need Him to Consume me like a fire!

We focus on the celebration of Jesus' birth now, and I hope that the faith I have can grow through this celebration.

All to God

Cool Stuff!

I know I've expressed this before but my friends are awesome. They are great because they make my life a big ball of fun and they make me sweet Christmas presents like this:

If you can't tell it says Emilie on it and what you don't know about this is that those are real pictures my friend took and they look really sweet. My favorites are the M and the L mainly because I love the guitar, and my friend was awesome and fit Bosnia in behind the L! So yeah My friends are great, and inspirational, intentional, creative, and I'm grateful for them all. In this regard thanks Sassy Mcsassypants for this awesome gift!

I love it!

All to God

Silence

Home from church and I have to say our preacher gets better the longer he preaches. No one is home at the present and as of right now there is a small dog lounging on my crossed leg which are propped up. It is very silent here right now with the exception of my typing.

It hasn't been silent here or anywhere I've been lately so right now is an oddity compared to the last two weeks. It's very nice not to hear other people talking and not to hear anything other than the sound f typing. It's nice to have a canine companion that can't communicate with words. I love people and I love conversation and things like this but sometimes silence is glorious. I won't have it for long so I'm savoring it right now taking time out of typing even to hear the stillness.

God is awesome in that he created in us a need to be silent sometimes, without words. Even more so he creates the timing in which this need can be tended too. The perfection of this silence right now is just that perfection.

I heard an awesome message at church, changed into comfortable clothes warm clothes, sat in my moms new rocking chair, and after everyone was gone, recognized and acknowledged the silence. His timing for our needs are relevant to our current situations and our future stresses, they are the small breaks we receive only by the divine timing that is powered by our God.

He is genuinely perfect, all that he does is perfect, even his created silence.

All to God

5 months

Two short weeks semester number 1 will be completely over. I am overly excited about this. I have a lot to do between now and then but I believe I will get it done in time, frustrated and burnt out maybe but done it will be.

Then..then will start a fresh semester, one filled with new frustrations but more than that it will be filled with a lot of memories.

However, it only means 5 more months until I get to go back to Bosnia. A couple of more months until spring again, and then I will board a plane (with a few good friends I might add) to Bosnia. I cannot wait. Last night I found myself daydreaming about the memories from this past summer and I noticed I was smiling to myself, kinda like an idiot. But I remembered all the people we met, the experiences we had and how I remember looking out over the city smiling because of God's brilliant plan, yet heart broken because of the people who don't and won't understand that plan.

It hurts me to know where those who don't or won't understand will end up. Those who are close to me and those far away are in the same boat, and I am extremely unsettled by this.

In 5 months...

All to God

Drained

Oh this week...what to say about this week. I think a word to describe this week is draining. I'm drained, spiritually, physically, emotionally. I got home tonight and delighted at the fact that I wasn't stuck in the library or in my dorm room typing page after page of papers. Though I plan to get some work done tomorrow..

It's tomorrow..

There's lots to do and I am not downplaying that, but I know I need a moment to just calm down. It's in these times that it's really hard to set aside time for just me and God, but it needs to happen. Because of the hectic nature of this week, there hasn't been much time for that, thus spiritual draining has commenced. I'm not a fan of this, maybe I can remedy this sometime this weekend. I only pray that I won't lose sanity these next two weeks, I think I can make it. School will not defeat me, with a little help from you know who.

All to God.

Morning Elegances

I love mornings like this, when you wake up in enough time before class to actually have a time to just be. A shower, all dolled up for the day ahead, then sit down with some coffee. I'm not worried about anything really even though I know the hectic day I have ahead. It feels good not to have to rush off to class in a deliriously conscious state. I am awake, I have put into order a rough draft of what my day will look like, possibly with a few changes.

All in all, it's just another day to revel in God's glory, making him the purpose in each step I take this day and every other. I have a feeling today is going to be a productive day, a day where I am headstrong and ready to get stuff done. Each day I feel like this I give all the praise to God because, honestly, it's not very often I get in these moods, especially when there is this much to be done.

In the broad spectrum of things there is much more to be done than just schoolwork. That is a microcosm compared to the enormity of a job we are REALLY here to do. But we have a God that is greater than that enormity and he will see it finished and be glorified in it. Don't know about you but I'm pretty excited to be a part of the solution and see it finalized. Good stuff, no TV show can beat this stuff in the ratings.

Well there's my morning spiel.

All to God

Is This Your Good Ear?

Today at church we were about to do "special" music when my preacher and his wife get up there at the pulpit and my preacher stands beside his wife and his wife says "is this your good ear?" Well you all know me, sometimes I hear something as simple as this and it makes me start thinking.

My preacher and his wife have been together for what seems like forever. They were leading us in "special" music today and my preacher has one ear that is I think completely deaf or almost there. The way she asked "is this your good ear?" made me think about old married couples. Then in turn made me think about being in an old married couple lifestyle obviously with someone.

I have come to terms with the possibility that I may for the rest of my life be a single person. I am ok with this, today just made me think about how my life would be at that stage in life when you have someone that has been with you through everything. Seems really great when you think about a lifespan spent with someone and when you get to a certain point you start asking each other "is this your good ear?"

Well those were my thoughts at that particular moment in the church service. This wasn't what I focused on but it did make me think a little bit. Now you might be thinking "Emilie, what does this have anything to do with you aspiring to be a missionary?" Well the fact is, is that if you are a single female going into the mission field, there aren't many men who will go with you. I say single female because the statistics are that it is easier for a male who wants to be a missionary to find a woman who would follow him and have the same passion for the people. Now I'm not saying it's impossible for us ladies, however it is something to consider.

It's not something to be depressed about, honestly I can live a life happily without finding someone. But it does warm my heart to see couples who have been through life together and still remain together and end up having to say "is this your good ear?"

Ok enough of my crazy thoughts. Thanks for humoring me :)

All to God

Such a Stinker Today

I have to be honest, I was a really big stinker today. My moods were not the happiest for the majority of the day. I hate it when I disappoint myself and am like this around others and make them suffer me through the day. I know I'm only human and we are allowed to have days like these, but mine seem to come at the worst times.

Anyway, just had to be honest, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am going to do better. I love the ones I am around and will be around. I have a lot to be thankful for, I'm going to try to focus on that.

Thanks be to God that there are people in my life willing to suffer me on days where I am not the greatest.

All to God

Academics, Indeed Stressors

So I'm sitting here in a slightly "redecorated" home, a wall is orange in the living room and the kitchen is green and tan. I like it, it is a welcome change to this house, as will be the new carpet my mom wants to get. So as I sit with my coffee and my house in utter disarray I cannot help but think something completely unrelated to everything I've just written.

I guess the Christmas feeling hasn't really arrived yet. People keep talking about Christmas and quite frankly I forget it's so close. This is not to say that I keep forgetting about our Savior's birth, I remember that all the time, it doesn't take a holiday or a nativity scene to stir up emotions about the Messiah's miraculous birth. Maybe it will come soon, I love Christmas, I love that I get to see my family which should be a more frequent occurrence looking at how close we live to one another.

Maybe I've just been living with a bunch of pressure and stress lately that it has taken over a lot of the things in the near future that are less stressful. I mean our final exams are in a few weeks and after that, thats it, not like mid-terms where you can pick it up, no...your done. So this is kind of making me twinge a little inside just talking about it. Projects are due soon, other tests that have to be taken because of those days away because of the NMC.

Lots to do...not a lot of time, Christmas is far down the list of things to be focused on. I hate that, but such is life. I'll just keep praying that it can all get done smoothly and efficiently.

All to God.

Post-NMC

Well we are back, after an 11 hour car ride we made it. I took a glorious shower that cleaned all of me, not just my hair and bird bathing it for four days. Let's just say, it's always a welcome thing to come back too.

Anyway, the convention was a few things this year, awesome, hectic, and as always, a giver of perspective. It was awesome because it was hectic, it was hectic because it was awesome, these go hand in hand. This year was very different from years previous, I had people there that I hadn't seen in a while, which normally doesn't happen. Not just a few people but a good chunk of people, and I'm so glad I got to spend what little and choppy time I had with them. They are great people and they make my life a little better every time I get to spend time with them.

So here goes the perspective. Well there was more perspective than this given at the convention, this was just very prominent. I realized there was something I had to do that I never really ever had to do. That was not hang out with people I hadn't seen for months for a prolonged period of time. This time each time I was with them, it had to be essentially short, sweet, and memorable. Call me sheltered, or what have you but I am still learning these things about being a missionary. You meet people who impact your life so much yet every time you see them there are so many, that you have to spread yourself or neglect. Fortunately I could run around, and gladly so, to be with all of them for a short time at least.

Dang, and then you have to say good bye for who knows how long. This is something I've known but every time it kinda hurts a little. Which I shouldn't grow callous to but should learn how to handle it a bit better. Plus there is just lots of things swirling around in this head that I think God is trying to work out, decisions, decisions. Well there it is post-NMC and I was so happy to go, hang out, love, laugh, learn, and grow nearer to God throughout.

All to God

Pre-NMC continued

Well there are a few wee hours until we all cram into a convoy of cars and drive off into the sunrise to Lexington KY to the National Missionary Convention. I am immensely excited about what God is going to do there this year. I am ecstatic about how many from school are going, it is an overwhelming difference from last year and even more of a dramatically drastic difference than the year before.

As I was (am) packing I started to think pretty hard about the ones who are going and what a crazy cool thing it is to have so many experience this. However, I am praying that it is more than a roadtrip and a couple of days away from campus to all of us. I hope everyone really understands the opportunity there and the great people there are to meet. I hope above all else that they can be open to the Holy Spirit's guiding and really gain something. It may seem like a silly annual conference to some, but I guess I am a little biased for a couple of reasons: 1) I want to be a missionary, 2) This convention is one of the major things that opened my eyes and took part in changing my life.

So yeah I am in prayer tonight that people will see. As of right now we've only three hours until lift off, as much as I am ready I want to prepare. Prepare spiritually, which sounds super deep and stuff, but I honestly just want to pray for everyone going. For peace among the group. For unity. For companionship, fellowship, laughter, and accountability. I should nap a little while before leaving. It'll be a good time.

All to God.

Pre-NMC

It's that time of year again, the missionary superbowl for the United States. I. Am. Stoked. Like people who "pre-game" before a football game, well a little less drunk....or not at all, yeah thats me right now.

ANYWAYS, I am so grateful that I get to go to this every year. To hear missionaries and to be a part of something so huge is beyond me. I love this convention, I love the emotions it stirs, I love the hearts it breaks, I love the drive it gives. I cannot say enough good things about it. I'm excited about the conversations we will all have, out of 52 people from school, someone has to be moved by this, someone who hasn't really given tons of thought about being a missionary. I am excited and open to have conversations.

It's like a revival of sorts.

It's nice to be somewhere completely surrounded by what you love.

It's gonna be a good flippin time!

All to God

I'm sick

I'm sick.

I'm sick of these things.

I'm sick of the things that tear us apart.

I'm sick of constantly rejecting unity.

I'm sick of love not spreading through a place like this.

A heart like mine.

I'm sick of apathy.

I'm sick of the comfort we have.

I'm sick of superiority.

I'm sick of hate.

I'm sick of the jealousy that roams through this place.

Through a heart like mine.

I'm sick of death.

I'm sick of pain.

I'm sick of disease.

I'm sick of murder, the murder of anything.

Murder that seizes even a heart like mine.

I'm sick.

I'm made well.

I'm made well of these things.

I'm made well of the things that tore us a part.

I'm made well because of overthrowing disunity.

I'm made well because of love that mends.

That mends a heart like mine.

I'm made well because of rejecting apathy.

I'm made well because I cannot be comfortable.

I'm made well because of superiority.

I'm made well because of overcoming hate.

I'm made well because jealousy cannot be found.

Even in a heart like mine.

I'm made well because death has lost it's grip.

I'm made well because pain will cease to exist.

I'm made well because disease will be left without a victim.

I'm made well because murder is no longer anywhere to be seen.

Even in a heart like mine.

He will make all things new.

He will heal every wound.

Death is overcome.

In this my soul is satisfied.

I am no longer sick.

I am forgiven.

I am healed by His grace.

He will make all things new.

All to God.

Yeah PCCoC!

This past weekend my church held the "Women Under Construction" conference. I must say I did not even fathom how popular it had become over the past years they had been having it. I didn't even really understand what all would be taking place. But I figured I should attend since I am indeed a young woman of Poplar Chapel. So I went not really knowing what it would all entail other than my sister was speaking and well...God.

So I get there in the knick of time from Elizabeth City to join in with a doughnut and some coffee. Not ten minutes later it was time for the big shabang. It was enjoyable I loved seeing everyone there even if I didn't know about 3/4 of the crowd yet probably about 85% or more are in fact related to me. But I loved it, especially when the older women would stare at me to figure out who the heck I was because they just knew I looked so darn familiar. It must be nice to be older and feel free to stare for long periods of time just to figure out who someone is or who they belong too.

Anywho, I found that most of the speakers should have felt their calling in life to be comedians. They spoke about women in their lives and the crazy things they said or did and I looked at Katie and asked, "why have we never met these people?" Our little church holding something so big for the community of churches in our small town, I know this could turn into something that could impact the surrounding areas if only we would pray about it and prepare it. I loved being in the midst of so many women, most well above my age but don't let the human capsule fool you, they are just as youthful and quick as you and I.

So as I was listening, and yes I was listening I had an itch to draw on the program they gave us. So I did. So let me share.

I don't know it's little conferences like these that show me the potential in our little church. If only more voices could be heard a little clearer, some pretty sweet things could come of this. I love that little country church thats striving to reach it's community and eventually the world.

All to God

A World Lined in Ink

Well, I have the whole world on my arm. Ok, so that some of you are not confused, I recently got a tattoo of the world...no not a globe, a flat map. It's on the under side of my left arm, up near my BULGING bicep. Yeah, I'm not that muscular. Anyways, I love it, I love it because A) it's my very last tattoo, B) It's my (your, our) mission field.

Yeah I have the whole world on my arm, and I look at it everyday. It's the only tattoo of mine that isn't covered up completely all the time unless I have a long sleeve shirt on. I see it all the time and many emotions come over me when I look at it. The first is superficial, how stinkin SWEET it looks, the second is wow, this is a tiny little place we have. When I really focus on it I look it over and imagine the people in each place. I wonder what their lives are like right at this moment, I wonder if they know Jesus. By the way that would be the third if you were counting.

I don't have a picture of it or I would post it up here, guess you'll just have to come find me to see it :). I carry the world around on my body now, not because I worship it, not because I am of it, not even because I am in it temporarily, I carry it because Jesus carried it. I am not comparing myself to Jesus, Just as John the Baptist says "One is coming who I am not worthy to untie his sandals". I carry the world in my heart and as a physical reminder because I know what it needs, Jesus Christ. I have heard about the suffering of those held in bondage and maybe in some way whether big or small I can help out.

I carry the world with me because I cannot forget about the way He came to save it and how we must go spread the good news.

All to God

My Parish

"The world is my Parish" John Wesley a famous Anglican minister said this phrase. Now Wesley's ministry was very biased and somewhat strict, however I have to say this phrase struck me. You may be thinking what the heck is a Parish? I tried answering this question in class and was completely wrong...I try to be smart.

A parish by definition is: an ecclesiastical district having it's own church and member of the clergy. Well Mr. Wesley wanted to preach, and different "members of the clergy" kept telling him he couldn't preach in such and such a place because they already had a parish, which meant they had their own established church and clergymen. So Wesley, frustrated and just wanting to preach the word of God, made the statement "The world is my Parish". By this he meant that wherever God sent him he would preach no matter if there was a parish there or not.

I guess in thinking about ministry as a missionary you kind of have to have this mindset. Just finish the statement with something relevant to today "The world is my ______". I guess the first thing about my future ministry I would say "The world is my classroom" so I think there are two aspects to my phrase. The second I think would be "The world is my small group". As funny as that sounds, small groups that are established in churches are there to become very close to one another and help each other. Granted it is impossible to become close and help everyone in the world the way I would want too, but I think it still applies. There are leaders in small groups, I aspire to be the leader at least for as long as God wants me to take position of leader.

I just thought it was interesting although I don't agree with a lot of what Wesley did in his ministry, I respect him for first being willing to above anything else spread the word of God. Secondly, for seeing that preaching the gospel is not made for man to legislate but for God to designate. Thanks for the tidbit Wesley.

All to God.

Going to the Playground

Thus far I have been a part of the academic system for about 15 years now (kindergarten-junior year of college). Now I know people go to school for years and years almost ceasing to never be without a classroom. However 15 years is a major chunk of my life. I mean get this there were only 5 years of my life that no school was happening at all ever. I have seen the inside of a classroom for years and years and years. I am so excited to say that it is a major possibility that I will be done with classrooms and tests, quizzes, homework, lectures etc in the year 2012. According to the Mayans this is a pretty sketchy year to graduate, good thing I'm not Mayan.

I've often wondered how life was back in the day where an education system was not established. I mean I would only guess that the people learned from experience and what their parents taught them. I would also guess that these were important lessons of survival and things of that sort, feeding your family with the lack of "employment" because, well there were literally no jobs to be had.

Well it's been a good ride on the academic train somewhat, but my eagerness is overbearing and my patience is waning. Not that I don't value what I am learning about or not find it interesting, I love learning it, but I'm ready to hop off this train, however just because I'm ready doesn't mean I really am. I know I am eager which is good but also patience is indeed a virtue, God knows when I am ready and he will send me as soon as possible. Don't worry I have perspective on this whole eager thing, but I'm kinda like a little kid with it. It's like when a kid is so eager to go to the playground but first he/she has to finish his/her lunch. They need the food because it sustains them and gives them energy to run, jump, climb, and different stuff that they will do on the playground. The kid says to the mother "mom I'm ready to PLAY!!!" but the mother says "honey you need to finish your lunch because later you'll be asking for food and it won't even be supper time yet." God wants me to eat my lunch first so later I won't be asking for food when it's not time to eat again.

He just wants me to be prepared, and I know I'm not quite yet. Just a few more nibbles on my sandwich and I'll be able to go play. Patience, such an annoying word, but oh so useful.

All to God

Jumbly mess

I hate wanting to write and not knowing what exactly to write about. Makes for a very wishy washy blog. My bad. Anyways I really do not know what to say because my brain literally thinks faster than I can process sometimes, and thats quite annoying. I think that's why I'm such a slow reader because ironically enough I read faster than I can process, therefore I have to go back and see what it was I actually read. Needless to say I'm not a fan.

However I think that's why I MUST write because now that I've started writing this blog my thoughts are formulating and are a lot easier to put in order and fully understand. I know I'm the weirdest kid alive.

Well at any rate I have a lot to think about these days, tons of schoolwork, internship to start support raising for, family time, friend time. So thoughts seem to jumble up and run together. Welp, there ya go.

All to God

Simply Humbled by Simple Things

I've been humbled many times in my life, way more than I can count. I mean very humbled, God is amazing and he knows just how to humble a person. I may need it more than other people most of the time, I can attest that I may need a bit more humility in my life. Hey don't tell God that all right? Oh wait, darn...cats out of the bag, he knows. Anyways, yeah so being humbled is a big deal.

I have to say I have been writing letters to people and churches, and let me tell you, it is one of the most humbling things that have to be done in my life. Because these letters are not just hey whats up letters they are, please give me money so that I can spread the good news of Jesus as best I can to the rest of the world. It's not stealing, it's not selfish, I am not being greedy, I sincerely need this money so that I can go do exactly that try as best I can to spread the gospel. But you look at what you write and you are like, wow...this is people's hard earned money that by the grace of God they possibly might GIVE to you to go across the world and to do exactly what you told them you would do. But God's people are good, and I am happy that there are people and churches in this world who would sacrifice money to these causes because they will win the people of the world to Jesus. They will change people's lives that they have never met.

So of course, this humbles me. Money that is not mine, yet in my possession still won't be mine, and entrusted to me to do with what seems necessary. It is a simple thing that humbles me and makes me step back a little bit to examine it. Yeah..humility is quite an interesting thing.

All to God.

Facebook wants to know..

You wanna know what's on my mind? Well I assume you do since facebook always wants to know. I'll tell you whats on my mind, better yet I'll SHOW you whats on my mind:

I'm itching to get back there man. Ready to get back to the people, and speak to them. So ready for May to come with everything prepared and ready to go. I never stop thinking about this place, and the people, on my mind constantly. Pleasantly drives me crazy, I miss you BiH.

All to God

Evil Monster

The world is like a giant made up of all different parts, I envision it such like different parts of evil nature that makes up the world. But I see it as towering above me shadowing over everything. This big monster giant infested with evil so corrupt it can barely look itself in the face. I see myself looking up at it, because I recognize how small I am. It seems like it is centuries old, and knows a lot about a lot of things.

Evil that wants to eat me up and make me a part of the monster. I honestly feel as if I don't belong here. I want to jump onto the monster and save the lives of everyone who is stuck within it's evil body. I want to do this with the boldness and love of Christ. Because I see flashes of their faces writhing in the beast, and they are searching for the way out but they cannot do it alone. I hear their groans of agony and it drives me to pounce onto the evil mass and rip out the ones crying out.

After taking them out and the beast has become significantly smaller, I want to mend them. Lead them to everlasting love, life, and beauty, a place where the the monster cannot fathom living. A place where they will see the King of the world, and acknowledge him as a living sacrifice sufficient for all. I want to kill the monster, the evil of the world, because it hurts my family, abducts them from sight, leaves them to die.

I cannot do it without Jesus. I can do nothing without Him.

All to God.

Saying goodbye

This weekend I went to Tennessee to visit some good friends of mine. In this short time with them I discovered one concrete fact about the rest of my life. This fact I am about to share I already knew but for some reason it became real. So here goes, I will be saying goodbye to people for very long periods of time more than I will ever say hello to them at least in person.

Well duh, being a "missionary in training" you kinda learn about this. But just travelling the little bit I did to TN this weekend really kind of reminded me of distance and how that effects relationships, and how much you will miss them. But each time is like a fresh drink of water because when I talk to my friends who I haven't seen in forever, I am incredibly blessed. We talk about life and God and how he has amazed us lately. I may run my mouth a little to much but I love to hear about their lives, their experiences.

So when I say goodbye I really just want to take them all with me. But I can't, God's purpose for them is not to make my life a lovely little cocoon of good friends surrounding me all the time. God's purpose for them is to bless others the way they have blessed me, in turn I take that blessing and pass it on.

But I hate the thought of saying goodbye to these people, the ones I call my family. But my life must be lived for the glory of God. I will cherish the times I get to say hello and hug them personally. But the times I can't see them I will keep their beautiful lives in my mind.

All to God.

Joy Joy down in my heart

This morning has been great. That's all I want to say. Got up at 7:15am took a nice shower, got to my 8am class on time and in great spirits. Heard an amazing message in chapel which lifted my spirits even more. Today I feel joy, I'm not just happy, but I feel joy in today.

All this joy, all this contentment, everything that has happened just in today's short few hours of it's arriving, belongs to praising God. Praising Him for this joy that I have especially today, not sure what for, I am ecstatic that God has allowed me to wake up this morning and feel joy. I'm not tired, I have work, not dreading it as usual, I can't explain it other than just raw joy.

I am aware however that this joy may become interrupted, the day has not run it's course. However if ever something does happen to go awry in today's joy that I can keep in mind the praise I am writing about currently.

Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the path of life; in your presence is the fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

God is present, he is joy. I praise him for allowing me to feel his joy a little more than usual today. I wish I felt it so intensely everyday, but unfortunately as we humans do, we take our eyes off the Lord and then we do not feel him so easily. But today is a good day, and just like any other day, he is right here, but today for some reason I feel the joy of my Father just a little more than others.

All to God

Constant Change

So I'm not really sure what to write about right now. I'm hoping it just comes out, something needs to. I've been in a contemplative mood lately, about myself and how I interact with people wondering if I'm doing it with God's love or what have you. Looking inwardly at my relationship with Jesus, wondering if I'm not visiting enough, probably not. Been thinking about the future and what that holds for me as far as responsibilities that I know will not go away.

You know these things are very essential, EXTREMELY essential. But I can't help but think "how selfish am I." This is not a question as you can see by the lack of question mark, this is a statement. I think about myself a lot, not like in the material sense but the spiritual, which is good, everyone should definitely take a big look at themselves spiritually. However, I also realize that I need to be more constant with praying for other people and their spiritual lives as well. I mean it's tough down here ya'll and we need each other to pray for one another.

Yeah I realize that things have to change within me constantly for the betterment of the Kingdom. I mean big things, not tiny little things, some pretty hefty things actually.

BUT what about my roommate's spiritual life? The ladies across the hall? My professors? My mother? My father? my sisters? Anyone I really come in contact with. You don't need to know everything about their relationship with God, you just need to know that there should be a relationship with God. You need to know that God desires a relationship with those people, and even if you feel like their relationship with God is tight...will you pray that it sustains? This is what I'm saying. We need each other's love for God to reach up to God as advocates for one another's relationships with God.

I needed my mother's prayers as I was growing up. She prayed that we would follow God with all of our hearts, that we would find him some way some how. That he would pierce our hearts with his love. She was the intercessor for my relationship with the God of the entire everything, even things we can't see. He answered her prayers three times over. We were blessed by her love for God.

I want to pray for others relationships with God, growing or sustaining. It doesn't matter, it's not all about ME and MY soul and MY good works, MY faith. I shouldn't just be in it for me. I've realized this about myself. Well it came out swimmingly.

All to God

I might like missions..a little.

So the break is ending only a few wee hours left until I am to head back to school and re-envelope myself in all things academic. There are many things left to be done and hopefully I can motivate myself enough to do them.

This week is missions week and of course I'm stoked about it because well it is a week emphasizing missions. Great speakers and everything, different I guess you could call them activities that go on, it's just going to be a good time. However there is always this repeating occurrence that happens with so many students. They get so hyped about missions and then by the next week or a couple of weeks down the road the hype is what it is, just hype. Now don't get me wrong I love it when people get enthusiastic about missions, but when people are just clinging onto the idea of something, doesn't sit well with me.

I guess it is because this is such a pivotal point in ministry to the world that I am slightly tired of the bull. People who are figuring out their paths in mission work is another story, but people who sign up just to see their name on the paper seems a bit too redundant in retrospect.

Maybe I just want to see workers come out of this week even if it doesn't mean they commit THIS WEEK, but eventually. Or maybe I'm being over-passionate in which case I cannot apologize. It doesn't matter where these workers fit, senders, intercessors, go-ers, it's all really the same to me, they are all a part of something global and responsive to the need.

Well I'm getting off my proverbial soapbox. I'm just expressing that I hope people actually feel what needs to be done throughout the world. I hope they hold onto that feeling and they carry it out into whatever they do in life. I hope they do it for the glory of God.

All to God.

You Guy's are Cool

I have been on the go mostly this fall break but you know I'm ok with it. I have been visiting friends which was much needed. There are many more I wish I could visit and one day that will happen. However, just by visiting the few that I have visited this week and thinking about other friends I have come to a conclusion.

I can see where most of my friends fit into the body of Christ. I can see where it takes all kinds to make up the body. Then I cannot help but thank God for the astoundingly amazing people he has

put in my life.

Yeah they are pretty awesome and they inspire me everyday. I know that they are God given because they are such a blessing to me. They motivate me to keep on keeping on with my goals and support me greatly which is an honor.

There is a lot of love between me and my friends. But also we respect one another which is another sweetastic thing that we all have with one another. They are my brothers and sisters certainly. They can come into my house in my hometown and it is as if there are no guests just family, I couldn't be more pleased about that.

We are together in this you know, this whole family thing that we use as Christians. I pretty much 100% sure God meant for it to be that way. I'm glad he did I would go crazy without you all, I thank you for being crazy stoppers, for unknowingly solving the whole insanity problem that I would have without you. Here's an ode to you friends.

There are probably more than what is in this string of photos you know who you are and I love you just the same. Thanks for putting up with me :)

All to God

Being Normal for a While

I did it, I ran today, no not in the morning like I would prefer, and no not for miles on end, but I ran. I'm trying to work my way up to waking up in the mornings and getting my day going by getting my blood pumping. But I have to make myself get over the laziness that overcomes me in the mornings.

Because of my run today I felt motivated to do other stuff like help out mama and wash her dishes which I embarrassingly admit that doesn't happen often. I could blame it on the extremely greasy food food we like to eat around here and that we don't have a dish washer, therefore the gross grease coating our hands making us feel really nasty. BUT putting that aside in my mind I happily did it.

So I'm just rambling about running and washing dishes, well I guess go back to basic things is what is becoming of my fall break. I guess coming out of the week we all had last week, that's what we need, to get back to the basic things, normal things that life entails for the glory of God. Yay for normalities for a short time.

All to God

Thank you for your Love

I appreciate you, all of you, those of you in my life that care so deeply for not only me but so many others. I love your love, I love to see the brightness in your faces. So many of you are people who I see and it just makes my life just a tad bit better just by laying eyes on you. Who said miracles don't happen anymore? Just by seeing you, you heal my heart a little more when I'm down or heck even when I'm happy and there is something below the surface.

I've come to the obvious conclusion that God has placed some very interesting and amazing people in my life. For that I am so thankful because I couldn't make it through life successfully in any way shape or form.

I call you brothers and sisters, your all family to me. I am so incredibly honored and blessed to have you here in this life with me. So this is a short little something to all those in my family who I am happy to have far and wide throughout the world, and also close to me.

Thanks for walking beside me while we follow our Father, it's a great family adventure with you all ups and downs included.

Love you all so much

All to God.

Why are you quiet?

Today when I was driving home to the destination of FALL BREAK I had my ipod set to my Jesus music, because I felt like I needed it. Well by the end of my journey songs started coming on that were incredibly relevant to these situations that have arisen the past week. So of course in my car driving, I probably looked like a nut case to some people but I didn't care. I almost cried but I stopped because that is unsafe when driving, but I definitely wanted to just bawl.

I think that was for sure a sweet release as my last blog suggests. I have been quiet today, more than usual, I think it is just because my thoughts have completely overrun me. Thoughts I haven't had time to think just came to the surface. So I stayed lost in my thoughts today, not one of my favorite things to do but it was like a flood and I couldn't stop it.

I love the book of Job..I think I love it because God is just like here I am, I always have, and always will be. One of my favorite verses from this book is "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" Job 2:10, well technically part of 10. I think this is extremely significant right now. Adversity makes us nervous, but we should accept it no matter how hard it is because we have a God who knows. Or "yada" if you will.

Well time to end this strange silent day and hopefully wake up to a much better day.

All to God

Sweet Release!

Sweet release! This week is over, this horrible wretched week is over. God brought us through it, He will get us through the rest of it. Because this week is over doesn't mean that we have gotten over our fear, anxiety, and disruption, but it does mean that we can disperse for a while and come back together over a time and be stronger.

My plans for this fall break consist of three things with an underlying consistency of rest: visiting people, prayer for everything that has happened, and some Jesus time. Yes! I am excited to have some intense down time with God, it's gonna be awesome to just hang out with Him for a while.

Basically I am ready to spend most of my time with my Father, I am super ready for it, I need it, it's calling me by name.

Well goodbye horrendous week, I would never re-live you for a million bucks. Me and God are gonna have some alone time and I think it will be the best call I've had in a while.

I love to love but how can I love anymore if my understanding of love in it's truest form is not found in my life? This is why I'm having some time to just be. Be with God, the truest form of love so I can bask in it's glow and maybe soak some up to give to others. We sure do need it right now.

All to God

Your Light's Gonna Lead Me Home

A lot has went down in the last few days here on the campus of MACU. It's been a hard few days, no one really seems to understand, no one can really grasp it. Through all of this I am saddened by all the things that have gone on, the real facts, and unfortunately the rumors. But what most fills my heart I think isn't anger (thank God) but love. This involves two people I never really got to know that well, but something inside of me feels like my family has been dealt a blow. I call them brothers and there is no time for animosity anyway.

Some are distraught more than others, some put more emphasis on one than the other (I'm sorry for being so vague), but I feel I see it all equally. All I have to say is that Satan won't win...he can't. How can he when we believe in a God who rules the entire world, even rules over Satan himself. I don't feel it necessary to give into Satan's will and be angry or shut down, my Father has him under control. He won't give us anything to big to bear, we have prayed, worshiped, loved, leaned, and we are healing. We are His sons and daughters, he will care for us.

I wish I could just find the one we deem "responsible" for all of this and tell him, we love him, we are praying, and as long as he has breath in his lungs he has the chance to walk with God still. After all Jesus did forgive the criminal at the cross, and I firmly believe that that man went with Him to paradise. We can do the same. As for me, I see his imperfections, but more than this I see his heart, I see a life that I believe is still living for Jesus.

There is no time for anger, bitterness, hatred, and anything else that could divide us. We are the family who forgives, we are Christians. Let's not be a stereotype, let's not be hypocritical as the world sees us. Remember to God, every sin is equal, some in human eyes more shocking than others, but no one can throw a stone, we have to lay them down at the feet of our everlasting Father, Creator God, who knows all things and is merciful.

I'm sorry if some that are reading this are incredibly confused, I just didn't want to say to much over the internet, it's not that safe of a place to be putting information.

Anyway, approach each other in these tense times with love. We are not here to condemn, but to build up and strengthen one another.

My brothers and sisters let's be a light to this world, they have given us the chance, let's show them how it's done.

All to God

Telling of Power

Sometimes I wonder that if maybe I were born different, I might appreciate things slightly more, or at least have a better perspective. Let me clarify that I am in no way speaking against my upbringing or complaining about the life I have had in which case I know God has protected me. But I see people who have had great trials in their lives and come out of with faith in God that I have tried to have for so long. I have tremendous faith in God, but these people, they are made to give their testimonies.

Now I know what your thinking, well Emilie...everyone is made to give their testimonies. I agree. However I believe that there are people who have testimonies that only God could piece together so perfectly. Take my testimony for example, well, I don't have much to say, I grew up in church, baptized at the age of 10, hit my teenage years, rebelled for a short while. My conscience wouldn't allow me to rebel anymore so I stopped. Became more involved in my youth group, decided to come to Bible college. Wow riveting stuff right? Well I know I didn't go into detail, but if I did, it still wouldn't impact you much.

But there are people, lots of people, who not by their own will, have stories that glorify the Lord because of the work He's done in them. When I say "not by their own will" I mean, some things happened to them that they could not control, such as I could control rebellion but for a short period of my teenage life took it upon myself to go ahead and act upon. I could get dramatic and say "I hit bottom and God lifted me from the darkness I had created for myself." BUT that would not be the facts. Actually I just felt this urge to return back to what I knew was right all along.

SO whats my point? God never uses the strengths of this world to really drive something home. He uses the weaker things, the things that blindside us, that really make us think. Sometimes it comes in the form of people who have been battered, some form of physical disablement, sometimes it comes in major choices whether it be save the person that has not been saved and let the Christian die, or should I profess the name of Jesus because if I do the people might rise up against me.

I wonder if I didn't have this "privileged life" would I still sing "Holy is the Lord God Almighty" or would I be bitter and jealous? Would I praise God in the midst of my uncertainty of life? Or would I curse Him? Would I love Jesus all the more? Or would I mourn in my ailments?

Would you? Could you?

I would love to say yes I would sing, and praise, and love, but would I? It is only realized after being tested by faith that you can truly say yes...I would. I have been tested, and I hope I passed, but compared to others, my tests have been trying, but compared to a rape victim who forgives her/his offender? Compared to the person born blind, never seeing their mother's face or the sunrise, or anything, yet seeing beauty in God's love is beyond me.

This life is a vapor, how are we spending it? What are we gaining from it? How are we glorifying God in it? If we have a story are we too afraid to tell it? If God has granted us the GIFT of a life so telling of His power, how are we using it to bring other's closer to Him?

This is on my mind and I had to share it.

All to God.

Give me the River

I wish I could sing "I've got peace like a river" but the simple truth is I've got peace like a stormy sea. Now when I say this I mean in Christ I definitely have peace like a river, I am not upset or anything, I am just to dang eager! Everything inside of me is just far too ready to be done, and be out there. I'm not talking about just for a summer (although I am super excited about that) but for my life.

One of the most unfortunate things about being a missions major is that you hear about everything you need to know about being a missionary. You become trained and equipped (as far as one can possibly be). But after a while you get tired of having classes and having exams, you want to BE THERE ALREADY! But then you realize.....you can't, rushing these things are not very wise, and possibly might be outside of God's will. Obviously there are still things to be done here, whether it is being more deeply rooted in your walk with God so that when you go, you are ready, really ready. Or it could be that you have a purpose to fulfill and until that is done you cannot move onto the next stage.

It is still frustrating nonetheless.

My heart is trying to tell my mind to calm down without erasing the passion. It's not working too well but this combative feeling is emotionally draining. Anyway, I am striving for the "peace like a river" mindset in most situations because I really don't need to rush things. God knows what he is doing and he has time in his hands. So yeah if you could see emotion in someone and you saw mine....you would pretty much think I'm hyperactive or something like that. Hey maybe I am...who knows? Just needing that peace that

apparently flows calmly like that proverbial river.

All to God

Easier said than done

Tonight I along with our youth group went to a youth worship thingy called "The Path" some of you may know about it. Anyway, there was a very convicting message on 1 John 2:6.

1 John 2:6 says " He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked." The message was basically, if anyone says he believes in Christ let him lead a life as He led.

This is hard to do. I mean obviously who can even fathom doing what Jesus did? Well as impossible as it may seem, it is what we are called to do.

We cannot just be fans of Jesus, we cannot just agree with everything He did and said. We have to look at His life count the cost of following Him, take His examples and live them out. Taking action instead of speaking words.

Jesus isn't a TV show with a great moral message and by the end of it you feel fuzzy inside or even excited. You can't turn Him off and on like that TV show. He is our constant example, our Love for eternity, our King who will come for us. He is everlasting, and thats a reason to lead a life like He led.

So yeah cool message, even though it's super simple to hear and understand, try living it.

All to God.

Attention please!

Hey guys I need YOUR help again! So this summer (2011) I'm going back to Bosnia and I am in need again. I am excited about this opportunity again because it gives me the chance to build relationships with people and strengthen already existing relationships. Also I will be doing language learning again, along with more culture learning.

I will not be going on this trip with an organizati

on, however this is to be my internship for school for graduation in May 2012 (God willing). BUT to me this is more then just a mandatory internship. Ever since I left I think most can agree that it has been a subject of conversation constantly. I think about the people I met and what God showed me there and I cannot wait to go back and have opportunities to share God's love with these people.

I will have the privilege to be around the missionaries I learned under this past summer. Learned under? I'm not sure that's entirely correct. Anyway I need to start getting together things like plane tickets very soon, I am not completely budgeted yet, I apologize for that, but I will be updating about that. I am planning on getting the plane tickets by at least the first week of November. It seems far away but it really is not! This is the first and most urgent thing concerning me financially.

The one thing I cannot stress enough the importance of prayer. I NEED you above all to pray for me. Pray that this is God's will for this summer for me, though I feel certain it is, we should always be open to the possibility that what we feel is certain, really isn't. Pray that if it is God's will that He would prepare the hearts of those I meet for what He would have our relationships come too. Pray that I can effectively show the love of Christ, and persevere through more language and culture boundaries. Pray for the missionaries that I might be a blessing to them instead of a burden. Pray honestly.

I can't thank you all enough who prayed for me and helped me financially last time that's why I'm relying on you again! I will update you on my budget situation.

THANKS!

All to God

Before I go home

I wanted to write a short something before I head home for the rest of the weekend. I'm pretty excited for a not so hectic weekend, those are always nice. I'm always pretty excited about going home and going to our church which 3 years ago would not have been the case.

So it's sunny outside and I need to get home while it's still early so I can enjoy this magnificent day. It started out well by drinking some tea that I actually really enjoyed (I'm not a tea drinker at all, give me COFFEE). But yeah sunny days

around my house are always really beautiful, I enjoy a country scene which is what we have in abundance. The sky against the cotton fields are the best part.

So yeah I should be on my way, to go to an awesome church, an awesome family, some sweet scenery, on a beautiful day. The little things

my friends.

All to God

50 Posts whaaa?

Wow, I write a lot....

Ok on to better things. Today has been a pretty decent day, well so far, it isn't quite over yet. However today isn't to bad of a day.

I like making plans with people, most of the time my plans are REALLY spontaneous...such is my life. Wednesday afternoon me and a few of my fellow cohorts (I enjoy using words I would never use in everyday discussions) just went walking about town. We really had a great time, we ended up in a grave yard where we sat on some benches and despite the lack of life we sat and talked and laughed about mysterious water that kept drizzling on us.

Just today those same cohorts and I went to a local ice cream shop that I had never been in and it was REALLY awesome in there. We had good ice cream and laughed a lot. Laughing seems to occur often between me and my friends which I am not against in any way.

Anyways, I'm all about doing random things, random situations. Not only doing random things but being with some really cool people in the process.

Friends are awesome.

Random stuff = fun times

Pictures of said random stuff is even better.

Pretty sweet stuff man.

All to God

The Baptist Said it Best

I cannot begin to express my desire to just all around be a better person. Even more so be a better person for God. Right now I am constantly reminded of when John the Baptist says "I must decrease and He must increase."

This has been eating at me for a good while tonight. I was reflecting earlier on my own personality and I discovered that I am a self pleasing person. I mean I know that a lot of people in this world are, even Christians. Although I almost painfully want to be a servant, to let others come far before me, I seem to want to keep a foot in front of them. As you can tell this is not my favorite attribute about myself.

I want to lift God up so much that my heart aches for it. But as an imperfect being, being in love with God is not as easy as it seems.

I know my love for my Savior is more than for any human, I KNOW this. But I love Him in the way that I know that my love can never surpass His love for me. God won't let me fall. He won't let me be completely obliterated by this world. Even if my physical being is destroyed, they cannot destroy the bond between me and God.

However, as I said, I am fallible and loving God takes concentration, and sometimes I can become somewhat ADD. Needless to say, I'm working on it. I had a conversation with God today about my heart, and I feel certain He has it under control.

I have felt a heaviness in my chest lately, nothing like a physical illness, but just pressing matters that I think God is laying on my heart. Like how to get some stuff started in my church, and what to do after college as far as money is concerned.

I have to give everything to Him, He knows me best and can deal with them far better than I could ever imagine. I must glorify His name even if I don't get answers straight away or the answers I didn't necessarily want. He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

He must increase and I must decrease.

All to God.

It's Late

Sometimes I wish that everything I owned could fit in a duffel bag.

Though I love learning I am growing very tired of being a student in a classroom.

But ironically I love school.

Emilie fun fact #1: I won't know what to do with my life after college.

I want to go outside more than I do.

I'm finally starting to write poetry again, after a number of years.

Emilie fun fact #2: I think the word "poetry" sounds really snobbish.

When I hear harmony in a song, most of the time I think the person who is singing harmony should come out with their own stuff.

I heart banjo

Emilie fun fact #3: Since being home from Bosnia I have wanted to pronounce a "J" like a "Y" as in Yellow, on numerous occasions.

I get more frustrated with myself more than most people realize.

Butter pecan is probably one of my favorite ice cream flavor of all time, however I hate nuts in most anything else.

How am I going to pay off my student loans? Have no clue.

I pretty tolerant of most anybody, so it's kind of weird when little things get on people's nerves.

Hi my name is Emilie and I love my home church more and more, when I left for college I wanted nothing to do with it, so non-productive church hopping ensued. There I confess. But now I am in love.

I've never missed so many people all at once in my whole life.

I would like to take a few of my really good friends and travel, and take a lot of pictures and make silly videos.

Most of my super good friends want to be missionaries, it's gonna be awesome going to see them in their respective places one day.

I'm really excited about a certain baby girl that is going to be born very soon :) ( those of you reading this Annie is NOT pregnant, it's someone else.)

I cry almost every time someone gets baptized.

I'm going to stop writing now.

Hope you enjoyed.

All to God.

My Randomness Slightly Organized

Today has been slightly stressful, it really has been an emotional roller coaster. These were the emotions throughout the day:

Morning: tired and irritated

Mid-morning: under pressure

Late-morning: release of pressure

Afternoon: irritated

Evening: calmer, tired, slightly focused

Each one of these emotions have their reasons, they are not just listed randomly. I am a girl but mostly my emotions know their place.

I got to talk about Bosnia again today, heck I even got to sing in Bosnian. Just for the record I feel like people are super tired of hearing about Bosnia. But it has kinda been a big part of my life now. I think about that place and those people almost hourly, if not sooner.

So am I ready to just go to bed right now and wake up at 5 am? Yes, I would be totally down for that, however I have some homework that needs to get done before our weekly hall devos. I think I will try this method one evening because catching up on sleep would be a huge blessing.

Never in my life do I ever want to hear someone say that being a student is not a job (not that I really have, I'm just saying). I would even go so far as to say being a Bible college student is even more of a job, and anything branching off of Bible college that one may not necessarily get paid for.

Beth Summay if you read this, Happy Birthday (as I write this it's still your birthday). I love you, lady and I'm praying for you always.

Now I'm going to drink coffee, do some homework, get tonights devos over with and go to bed. There is a rough outline for the rest of my night. God brought me through today, he deserves all the glory.

All to God

December? Really?

TODAY.....we had a sweet cookout with the family like we do every year in the summer but this year it had to be held off until September due to 3 busy ladies (Annie, Katie, and I). We all have a blast when we get together, we love each other, and we live in extremely close proximity with each other.

However, when we were saying goodbye for the night something hit me. My cousin was saying goodbye to us and let me give you some perspective of just how close we live to each other. Between us and that cousin and his family, there is a small field, a pecan grove, another medium size field, and their house. So literally we are right down the road from each other...as is the rest of our family.

So this is what he says when we are saying our goodbyes, "see you in December." Of course December as you know is Christmas time and we all also get together for that also. When he said this I flashback to Bosnia. In Bosnia, people visit each other, if you live an hour up in the villages and you have friends in town, the friends in town make a point to come and visit. I don't know, it is sad to me when people who are especially blood kin who live not even a half a mile away say see you in December.

Lets do the math, December is three months away, sadly, I fear, I really won't see my cousins whom I love in three months, and there is no expectancy of a visit between either of us. This is sad and I want it to change, I would like to change it.

All to God

Short synopsis

I have an overwhelming desire to get back overseas.

I know I don't understand some things.

Sometimes my brain feels scrambled.

I feel behind probably a lot more than I am.

I do have feelings of inadequacy that the Enemy uses against me.

I confess I have a Maker that the Enemy cannot overcome.

My faith is tested over and over.

I feel that I pass, but sometimes hardly.

One thing I know of love of anything, it's hard to let go.

I miss a slew of people, and think about them constantly.

I want to be a missionary overseas, and I'm hungry for the field.

God knows what He's doing I should shut up and listen.

I want to live my life simply for Jesus

Those are the things on my mind this night, therefore I do not slumber.

All to God.

In Spirit and Truth

Sometimes I can't help but want to be extremely happy at the fact that I, a woman, average in height and stature, a microscopic dot on an already microscopic planet has the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I am reminded of it's power when I speak on something the Lord has put on my heart and I sometimes I look back at what I said and I didn't know that it could come out of me. I'm simple in theology and simple of mind, I'm no idiot, but I am simple.

My heart races, I get shaky, I get excited, my eyes get wide, and my voice gets louder. But what I really feel inside of me when I feel the Spirit working it's a whirlwind of emotion contained and distributed properly. I can't explain it any better than that. Then again I can't put the Spirit in a box too. But it is amazing to me how we can feel the Spirit within us and we can see it come through in people.

It is visible if you pay attention, body motions, facial expressions, and somehow you can tell they aren't acting. God is amazing I can't express it enough or more thoroughly than that. He is beyond measure and that's why He's my God, no one can surpass Him and he will never fade away. Yep our God is everything and then some.

All to God

Desire vs. Perspective

There is so much that goes on in life, I mean just today I got up, went to Sunday school, church, lunch, skate (what little I did before scraping my arm, I'm not that legit/hardcore about it), and then church in the evening. A lot happens very fast throughout our day. No this isn't a blog about how we need "quiet time" even though that is necessary too. But I got to thinking today about the things I really need.

Yes I need church and lunch (food, sustenance, etc.) Skating usually means hang out time, and of course we need community. However I was thinking about something most girls desire, and that would be to have a husband. Of course I desire the companionship and the love that comes with having a husband, I even desire the hard times that come with that commitment (most of you married people reading this are probably saying psh yeah right.) But seriously if the Lord blesses me with a man to be my husband then that would be a very welcome blessing, specially if he's one who wishes to do missions overseas long-term.

However inside everything is screaming for Jesus and Him alone. If there is not someone who is to come in my life then I have turned my mind to the perspective that if I am in the will of God my life will be what it should be and I will be more blessed than I ever imagined.

I feel in my heart that there are a lot of things we think we need resulting from things that happen throughout our day to day lives, and what we have been taught. For ladies we feel we need husbands and that we need to have babies, but the fact is, for some of us that is not our reality. I need Jesus. Plain and simple, and as hard as that is sometimes it's the only truth we can hold onto. Paul commends people who stay single and live for the Lord fully, if I am to be that person then I want to live fully for God otherwise I would get distracted.

It is odd when you've just gone through a weekend where your the only one in the house without a significant other. It makes you think on the subject a bit. So yeah, my thoughts displayed.

All to God

Headache, Internships, Calendars, and Home church

Right now I sit here with a headache. Headaches are strange for me to have because, well, I don't have them normally. So when I do get them it's like my entire head tweaks out.

Anyway, other than that randomness, I have to start getting my internship together for next summer. I am going back to Bosnia, rather than going with an organization like I did last year, I intend to go on my own. This is kinda scary but at the same time I dig it. So I have to start support raising again soon. That stresses me out but then I have at least a step that will have been started in reaching my budget for the summer (which I also need to figure up).

I need a calendar, I have to start back dating my assignments; they already seem to be bunching together. I'm not flipping out yet but before it gets to heavy I might want to invest in one.

I think that going back to my home church was a good idea. I have a lot of ideas that don't always work out (and I'm talking often). This one though just seems like it's right. My home church is in dire need for young people and I being young feel that it is unfair to focus on a church with such a growing youth and flourishing program when my church has neither. I also would like to become a part of their missions board..I'm not even sure we have an identified missions board, I feel like if that's the case then it needs to change. But I understand I cannot bombard them with changes, maybe one at a time. If they even accept them.

I have hope in that little church, that tiny light in the boonies that I love. It has it's misfits and it's "question-ables" but I love them still. We have stagnant people who would do wonders. We have lukewarm people who would be unstoppable if they were on fire for the Lord. There are people who don't understand fully, but they can seek. I love them still. Probably more than half of that church is my family from blood, I came from a good crop (not bragging) but I did, and they would be excellent servants.

Well that's my spiel for the night.

All to God

Random thoughts at the moment

There are days where I just feel like writing something. It's always been an outlet for me so I'm glad to be able to share my thoughts with those who don't mind reading. Well right now I'm sitting at home with a small dog asleep by my leg. The TV is on and my mother and sister are gone and won't be back for a while. My dad has a bad headache so he's not much for socializing right now. My brother-in-law has gone to take his grandad fishing. Last but not least my other sister is in Virginia. So essentially they have left me alone with my thoughts.

I miss Bosnia..big surprise there (that right there is sarcasm). I think about it everyday, and everyone that I miss there. I see my work load and I am GOING to tackle it and I like my classes but boy it's a lot. I didn't notice until today how tired I really was. I feel a growing love for complete strangers, which is something I have been praying about. I miss eating rice almost everyday. There is a need for more exercise in my life.

So this blog is basically just random thoughts that come to my head, sorry I'm not more interesting tonight. Peace out cool kids.

All to God

I don't wanna be that kid anymore

So I've gained new perspective on school...just in time for my last two years of it.

(This will be brief it's kinda late and I felt like writing a little something before I crashed).

I know that a lot of the tasks are tedious and sometimes even a bit daunting, BUT I can't say I hate school. I used to dread it with a passionate dread and the only thing I truly and fully looked forward to was hanging out with my friends again. But through the years especially during college I have found school to be exceptionally exciting.

I mean yes, you can expect the normal classes and what you will do in them, but there are days..days that I live for, when something (specially at a Christian school) finally hits home, or really clicks in my head. These are the times I am excited about this year, I don't dread my reading load...yes it is a ton BUT what I am reading is so important for me to know. It can kind of get hazy if you listen to the crowd. People say..oh I only read the first and last chapters and then did the book report.

I'm kind of tired of being that way

I wanna actually learn and retain for once

It would be amazing to get all A's and B's this year

It would be great if I did it all in the name of the Lord (and not for my ego)

I've always been a "just get by" kid

I'd like to strive higher, because I'm learning about my Lord, His work, and His Kingdom

So yeah brief thoughts for the night and tomorrow starts a brand spankin new day and I'm stoked for it.

All to God.

No more math

Man O man, here it comes, another school year full of things to do people to meet and random occurrences that happen throughout. It's something to get used to year after year, because every time it's something completely new. I love it though I honestly do, between all the serious work that takes up most of our time, we as students come together and in some way or another we fellowship. Being with these people is like getting your dose of laughter and reality, spiritual uplifting and trials to make you stronger. That's just in a day.

I feel that my focus this year will be somewhat...well...more focused. The plus side is I don't ever have to take another math course ever! But that's besides the point. I cannot go into this school year without keeping the memories of this past summer in my head all the way through to the end. My aspiration is to become a missionary, this summer I learned more closely about what that was like. So since this is what I am going to school to be "trained" in, I just might work a little harder now that I've seen it for myself, which sounds really bad but it's true. God showed me a lot this summer He especially showed me that He wanted me to be doing this.

So I'm super excited to get back to this whole school thing with a little more vigor than usual. I miss a slew of people who taught me a lot, whether they knew it or not. I found a love for people who for some Americans are just wanting to bomb the place. I'm ready to really show my love for them, to get to school and make the grades so that I can get back to them. It's going to be a good year.

All to God