Colored squares on Times Square

I wrote down a wish. I wrote it down on a tiny piece of colored paper. A man told me that on New Year's night in Times Square the wish that I wished would be flung out into the street. This wish could possibly be picked up by someone who providentially needed the words on that tiny piece of colored paper, or it could be swept into the gutter never to be seen by another human eye.

Whatever the fate of this wish that was written down, I still wish it into existence. I still pray it into being and I know it has been communicated to God over and over again.

I hope someone found my wish, but even if it wasn't found, the most important One has heard it. I hope that all of my lovely readers have a wonderful outlook, and a phenomenal hope for this year already among us. Maybe more will come to see the face of the God who has given us the choice of salvation.

All to God

Novo Godina

Whoa, it's been far to long since I've written. I hope everyone had a very good Christmas and I hope you were blessed by love and family this year. Now a new year is upon us! The Mayan calendar dreaded 2012...how doomified.

Well, I think it's obvious I do not take the stance of the innovative Mayans, but I am looking at this upcoming year at more of an adult-like stance. My LAST semester of college is basically here, May will come quickly and then something will happen that has only been a dream until now; no more school. No more tests or homework or teachers expectations. After this anything that drives my ambition has got to be purely my own incentive. That's going to be a life change in itself for some things.

I will be paying most of my own bills after graduation, and most of you are saying "welcome to life you little kid you" but really, it's different, something new. So...don't judge :)

Next on the adult bill, I will be living somewhere other than a dorm room, without girls up and down the hall and lobbies where friends normally reside. I will have to get out and make friends in the new community that i will be a part of for the time I am there. To be honest, that kind of excites me.

Also, making arrangements for my year long stay overseas which takes a lot of figuring and doing. This is a piece of my "career," something I have been working up to for a long time and executing it has to happen sooner than later. Once the gears start moving, I hope all things will...as they say....work together for my good.

Please be in prayer for all of this but specifically this last thing I mentioned it is definitely still in the works and need to be drenched with prayer. Thanks you guys.

So there are my adult happenings in the near future, Happy New Year everyone! May God work through His workers this year to bring more to Him!

All to God

Our gift for granted

Sometimes I realize just how much I take for granted. I realize how much I take my family for granted, my schooling, my health, my very being, and even my salvation. I understand that the junk I eat goes through my body and is just that, junk. I know that my family is not immortal, and any time I get to spend with them is valuable. It is in my brain that my body is a temple and there is so much more I could be doing to care for it. I realize that what Christ did for me on the cross was the most phenomenal gift that I didn't deserve and that I should do everything I can to help people receive that gift too.

It amazes me that some people do more with no legs, arms, eyes, and other commodities than I have done with the life I've been given. It sickens me to realize that sometimes I truly believe I can't do something with what I've been given and this is absolutely

sick.

I'm not invincible, this is not the point I am trying to prove, but if you sometimes think this way as I do then we have been intoxicated with a lie. I would like to say I will take a stand and always be glad for what I have, but lets face it...we are human....and we are selfish. We feel like there has been some cause and effect fallacy here and it is beyond our means to do what we have passions for or what we strive to accomplish, "If I was ___ then I could do _____", "If I had ______ then I could do _____." We aren't grateful. 

But there is this, we can try. We can wake up and be glad we have two legs to walk on, that we are free to worship the Rock of Ages, that we can walk into a college classroom and be educated. We can do these things and praise God that we are able, that we can, that it is possible, and that in any circumstance we can do what we deem impossible according to the bounds of what we think are our limits. Our capacity is more than we know, and it is God given.

All to God

Unless you have a graveyard shift...

There is this trickery that comes with Christmas break that comes for night-owls like myself. It happens quick and quite naturally. It is.....dun dun duhhhhh....

Staying up so late that you sleep so late the next day that this vicious cycle continues.

There are nights (much like this night that I am writing this post) that I try to go to sleep at night at a somewhat decent hour but somehow fail to do so, which makes an irritated Emilie. Irritated only because when I do try to sleep I can't, so yes I am the culprit of my very own demise. Then I wonder...how I do it at college. 8am classes and such, I mean I take naps like a kindergartener but I still manage to find sleep that night at a decent hour. It must be the lack of things that need to be accomplished.

So as break has just begun I wish to fill my days with things that will stimulate movement of not only the body but the mind as well, not just sit and watch TV all day. This cycle has already started and I refuse to let it take over my entire break. 

The beauty of Christmas break is that you don't have to do anything....the downfall of break is that you don't have to do anything. 

Though I am a night owl I do love the mornings, they can be the most beautiful time of day and I miss it to the extreme when this cycle begins. I don't have to do spectacular things, but I would like to challenge myself a little more than how many movies I can watch in a day. Sleep is necessary, staying up until the wee hours of the morning are not...especially when you have nothing to do. I would like to be awake most of the days of this break and letting sleep reign over the night, not the other way around.

Happy break everyone, and sleep well!

All to God

It's that time of year again (No I don't mean Christmas)

This upcoming week is the week most of us college students in this sort of exam week rotation come to loathe. It is a week we dread but look forward to the most at the end of each semester. Oh the irony.

It's in this time that we are allowed to become selfish with our time, even when we don't want to. But often times, (I being a part of the we), we can be selfish with our time to the point we forget to share any of it with God. I know this sermon has been preached in Bible colleges everywhere at the end of the semesters, but I would go even a step further.

We forget to give time to God with each other, in fellowship. I confess, I am not a part of any small group or any other group like this. Yes, there has been opportunity out there for this however, this semester has made me look at my computer for writing papers more than looking into the faces of the people I love. Especially now that I am at the very end of my hardest semester yet and I'm still not in the clear, and pressure is still on and pressing hard.

I think I will be led beside the still waters this break

It's on us all, and we understand each other's stress and craziness. We can alleviate, if only for a moment, one another's to-do list and put things into perspective. God has given us the privilege to learn the things we learn and be tested on the things we know. Some of the things we believe are worthless but required for our education can sneak up on you in the future and then you are glad you learned it. 

This is something I have to keep telling myself, although studying seems daunting and pressure is building, and sometimes there is just one grade that stands between you and whatever comes next, it's all worth it. So maybe sometimes we need to stop and focus together on what studying and test-taking really means. For Bible college students I press you more on this. Not because we are better than anyone else and their education, but because our education is linked to our entire way of being, and also because studying can make us grow weary of the Bible which should not be the case.

Let's encourage one another to love what we learn and grow in our knowledge together, and then when the test taking is over......rest. 

We should be a sanctuary for one another's stress, let's be comforters as well as motivators.

All to God

Schmutz

Have you ever had a day where you are so mad at yourself because of something you've done, or didn't do, or how hard you make things on yourself? Yeah I had one of those days this week. I've never been incredibly organized and sometimes that makes my life kinda hard. Not like a "woe is me" kind of hard, but a "why the heck do I do this?" kind of hard.

I've always wanted to be a reasonably organized person, I feel like that would have alleviated a few bumps in the road along the way. This is a pattern that can break, but I'm sure it would be a long process.

This past week there was  a day where my inability to be organized really hit me in the face. It was a very bad day emotionally, I prayed for God to give me peace in my heart about the situation at least for now because I have to get through the rest of this semester without collapsing. I prayed for two days about this peace, and that God would take away my anxiety.

For the past few days I've felt a peace about it. I am so glad that God answers prayer because if I had to go through feeling that bad for multiple days I think I would still have sad schmutz on me, hard to wash off. The schmutz of anxiety seems to stick around and that is something I do not have time for, not now.

Just have to keep pushing.

All to God

Dressing Down

Normally when I come home I go to a traditional church setting. You got the works; singing three verses in a hymn skipping the third verse, the praise leader is not someone in a band, and suits and ties, dresses and pantyhose are ever present.

Not saying that anything is wrong with this style of setting but I do have something to offer for some feedback.

Yes, it would be nice if you the reader would scroll down after reading this and leave a comment with what you think about this subject I am about to explain.

When I am home, I usually go to my home church, and when I go to my home church I do not dress up. It is really for no particular reason, just that I am not a dressy person. However, in a traditional church setting it is most appropriate to come with your coats and ties, high heels and modest dresses, hair done ( for you fellas "coiffed" might be the right term). I will come in a T-shirt and jeans and be just as happy as a clam, but there are three things I would like to point out, it is something of a quarrel in my brain:

1. Some would suggest that putting your best before God on Sunday means mind, body, soul, and perhaps your outer image. Cleaning up well for the Lord I suppose you would say. In this regard, I almost disagree, if we are to put our best before God on Sundays then doesn't that suggest that we do not have to put our best before God every day? 

Furthermore, the outer image is nothing, to me it is rubbish, we judge to much for what is on the outside of a person. I respect what is on my body because God has blessed me with the means to cover my nakedness, and I thank God when I can look more respectable as is our culture in some occasions. In this manner I respect the outer image, nothing more, I hold my inner self more responsible than the outer.

2. In regards to culture however, (this is where I am battling myself I suppose) we are sometimes expected to look our best in these churches. Am I simply rebelling a cultural norm that does not defy God? Am I losing the chance to be more respected and accepted in my own culture because I am not being "all things to ALL people", including those from my hometown? Do I say I am so sensitive to culture but when I am in my own I completely disregard its norms because I am aware of other cultures? 

Should the observation of other cultures in the church setting be forgotten simply because we have our own culture? Absolutely not. Should our own culture be stamped out because of the intense concentration of other cultures? Absolutely not. Honestly if it were up to me, we would all be in house churches, dressing however we wanted, praising God however we see fit, but it is not up to me, I did not establish this culture.

3. This is where I am in my stance. God has called us to come, simply come and worship with other believers for a time. He did not say "Thou shalt come into the house of the Lord wearing collared shirts, neckties, and polished shoes. Thou shalt come with dangly earrings, knee-length dresses, and high-heeled shoes for this is the attire I have chosen for my people." In fact one of the most unappealing stipulations for church-going for some people is the fact that they have to get up and put on their "Sunday best" just to sit in a pue for an hour.

I don't go into church with my t-shirt and jeans to make a statement, I go because I'm comfortable, I go in them because at my own home church I feel that they will accept me for who I am in Christ no matter what I look like. Many are contemporary churches where this issue is resolved with people proclaiming to "come as you are" call me contemporary, but that is where I am right now.

Please give me feedback, it is most appreciated on this simple issue.

All to God

Joy is like butter, it should spread.

Tonight I have a pretty overflowing heart. I have a heavy heart but it is much like a sponge drenched with water to the point where it cannot take anymore in. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and it's a whirlwind of different things pouring into my heart.

I suppose it happened after two strange things happened today. I went for a run, and sometimes when I run I like to listen to worship music. I have had some of my best worship experiences while I run. So right from the start it began with a very good mood. At the start of my run all of a sudden a big whitetail doe started to sprint across the road not fifteen feet in front of me.

It scared me at first, a big beast of an animal that close to you, but afterward when it ran off I couldn't help but smile. I don't know, sometimes I'm gushy like that. Then on my return run there were dark clouds out but the sun was still hanging around, and it started to rain these huge drops of rain. I started running faster to reach the end and then the rain stopped. But then it started again, and harder so I decided to cut through the field.

I don't know what came over me, I started to laugh.

It was a joy that sometimes I get to busy to feel anymore. It was like I was God's little girl and I was in the yard playing with Dad. Then I took a shower and sat down and started thinking.

It was one of those joyous times in my spiritual life that will probably be forever imprinted in my mind, and there are those who don't get to feel that joy. There are Christian people stifling the joy of the Church because of denominational traditions or other ways. There are people who don't know Christ and are not able to feel the Spirit's joy.

So my heart is filled with this desire to see the joy on people's faces when they see Christ for the first time. When Christian people see that denomination is not what gives us joy, but the big picture; that Christ loved us enough to die in our place. This joy drives our passion to do God's work with an unconditional heart.

I'm here to spread the joy
I'm here to help people laugh with God
I'm here to see that God-given smile on someone's face


Find the joy, give the joy, and see it spread.

All to God

On the heart

Well under the name of this blog on my page it states "some of what's on the heart of a missionary in training." Here I am about to tell you what is on my heart this time. Obviously a lot is mulling around this simple mind of mine because I just returned home from the formerly known National Missionary Convention now known as the International Conference on Missions.

While I was there I heard a lot of messages from some very good Christian leaders and missionaries. A lot of heart warming stories and a lot of heart wrenching stories. I walked around and talked with some good friends and some really awesome new friends. It's always a time for people in ministry to be encouraged and feel loved by thebrothers and sisters in attendence.

I also took care of some very exciting business. This business I will share at a later date with all of my lovely readers. Let's just say at least for now I have a plan, something I've never sincerely had. This growing up thing is hard but if I can do it with what little success I have so can any average joe, for I am the female version of this average joe.

The love and encouragement I have encountered just in a few days has been overwhelmingly amazing. The convention stuck with its "commissioned" so well that I see where I have faltered in the ways that I have been commissioned as a follower of Jesus. In seeing the areas where I can improve I become excited that I can make a difference in myself and in the world through the help of God. It also makes me sad that these areas in which I falter...I haven't done anything in them until now. I see where I have lacked confidence and faith, where being the leader I should be was not enough even among human standards.

Comparatively...human standards are pretty low.

So I continue to improve to become a better witness for Christ, I would hope that you also might take a look at the commission of Matthew 28:18-20 and see what you could improve on for Christ's sake. We must love deeper, care more compassionately, be evermore brokenhearted for the lost and hurting, and live less safely. We need to do this because the world is waiting to hear about this Savior, either for the first time, or portrayed correctly. The world needs real commissioned-minded Christians.

All to God 

Answers to the Questions

In one of my classes we have been given the task of writing a letter to the famed atheist Richard Dawkins. We were subject to read his book The God Delusion and respond in a letter form to Mr. Dawkins himself. Many before me have had to write this exact same letter and it was none the easier for them. We are becoming apologists in this letter in a sense and that is something of a daunting task.

I have a firm belief that God is real, that he sustains us, he is Creator, and he is not three gods but three Persons in one God. He is all encompassing, the Father who created and sustains everything, the Son (a physical person of God in flesh) who came to dwell among us and to suffer what we suffer so that no one can say that God doesn't understand, moreover he died and rose again so that we would not have to endure Hell. Also, the Holy Spirit (a non-physical person of God dwelling withing us) that makes his temple in us to guide and direct us in this crazy mixed up world. These all coincide as the One True God.

To relate that to a person who has dug so deeply into atheism it seems too hard to dig them out through reason and proof other than testimony; hard proof, seems like an unachievable task. Dawkins puts on this stone-faced assurance that there is really no god. He almost does it to the point where he makes the reader think that he has already proven that natural selection is extremely more plausible than any belief that there is a Foundational God from whence all things came into existence.

It is like writing a letter to a brick wall

His book jumps from one subject to the next so quickly it is hard to get an apologetic thought in your head before you are having to defend another matter of theology. 

How then will we defend the faith when we are really in a situation where defending it is all you can do? When a person shoots question after question at you without giving you a moment to answer (this usually means they don't really want to hear your answer). When someone seems to have so many facts that right then and there you cannot explain yourself even though given time you could have. 

What happens when all you have is a moment, a pivotal point in time where someone could really see a side of God they had never thought about but instead we weren't ready with the answer?

Obviously we don't have all the answers. Nobody does, no witnesses to the creation story or how the earth came to be. No person has come back from the dead (other than Jesus) to tell the world that God is alive and he is the Alpha and Omega. 

How much more essential is it that we find our answers to the hard questions that we can answer as logically as we can when talking to a logically based person. Scripture even calls us to be ready and subject to questioning.

Are we ready?

All to God

Fizzler

I do a lot of dreaming. I create vivid pictures in my mind about the future, or a certain idea. It's hard to not make images in my mind about the things I really chase after, and almost always it isn't "things". But I dream in real color, real images, and real aspirations.

When I was a kid I dreamed I would do many things. Professional singer, actress, skateboarder, author, surgeon, archaeologist, anthropologist, and probably other things that wouldn't have happened. Like telling my high school math teacher I was going to try to get into calculus because I was shooting for the stars. Well unfortunately that never came to fruition, my lack of mathematical intricacy kept me from that one.

Nevertheless I always have had dreams of bettering myself, working really hard at learning a new skill, and also just all around being a better person. Often times I let myself down on these dreams because either I'm not motivated enough or it just fizzles out.

It's a terrible thing to be a fizzler

So a lot of the time I know when a dream is real, I know if it should come to reality and be sustained. I know because my heart still longs to achieve it and like anything you have to chose to stick with it or you are just basing sustenance with sheer emotions (hence the fizzling). There are those things I have imagined in my brain that goes along with my long-term dreams and aspirations that have stuck with me.

Fizzling is like a sugar high. You eat so much sugar you begin to feel great and motivated and hyper, then about an hour or maybe two later.......you are drooling asleep. Suddenly you wake up and you don't feel so great because you are still groggy but you can't complete anything. Luckily I have come out of the fizzly mindset that I was once in, especially since I was a kid. 

Do you fizzle out your dreams/goals/aspirations?

Were you a fizzler at some point?

Dreams worth bringing into action are not worthy to be eliminated by a fizzle.

All to God

Ready, set, no.

You know when you have an overwhelming passion for something but you seem to be too busy to further the passion or even calm it down? Then you've pinned me. I am so excited for the future, I am so excited to do something about it now and in ways I can! I think we all know what I'm talking about.

I've had an itch to speak the language, and be with the people. Although we all know I have confessed that actually speaking the language is tough for me, I've had an urge to just do it. Haste is and is not a necessity. There is an urgency to GO, but there is also a time to STAY. For now it is a time to stay and with this I must be content.

I am preparing for service in this part of the world and it is a mix of emotions, one of them at this stage is anxiousness. Quite possibly the worst of the emotions (instant gratification and all that.) So there I am, this is why my insides get all twisty with excitementanxiousnesshappinessimpatiencehopefulnessreliance and a slur of other things that I could smash together to look like a train wreck.

BUT God has time in his hands, it doesn't matter where I am my ministry is how I live my life. My heart however lies with the people, their needs, physical and spiritual. He knows my heart and especially the desires of it. In His time.

All to God.

To long, no talk

Well my friends I'm sorry for what seems like abandonment. I have not abandoned you. I have actually been writing to myself more personally, a lot going on inside this noggin of mine. Why I don't share you say? Well these are things just things you can't write about correctly...or at least I can't without the reader thinking "what in the world is she getting at?" So I write them personally.

It's just a strange time that I pray about. Times like these it's just good to have those things that really, only you and God understand. Some of it has to do with a great urge to get back to Bosnia, some has to do with other things. I am grateful to have a God that will listen, and who will even provide feedback and solutions in his own way.

So I do apologize for my lack of writing, the old noodle is being kind of put through the ringer. I love you my friends and I am so glad you are here and willing to read about my sometimes boring life. I'm grateful to have loved ones who pray consistently for me as I do live out this sometimes boring life. But sometimes this life is not boring and full of interesting moments that I am glad I can share with you, even if it is only through this blog. I am blessed to have you near and far.

All to God

A morning person

There are times I wish my brain didn't work the way it does. I want to have so many attributes that I just don't have. There are just some things I wish my brain would just get, but somehow it just doesn't. Things like 

Math

Man what I would be able to do on my own if I could master the principles in math instead of having to have other people check if I did my long-division correctly. 

But instead my mind likes to reject arithmetic and decides to fry out every time I work on it to a point of frustration and leaving me feeling discouraged.  

Or other things like

Time Management 

I have learned how to do this in college but not very well, although I seem to get it all done...some of it unfortunately piles up on the professors "late" stack on their desks. 

I try my hardest to figure out how to manage my time to where I can still live life outside of a robotic schedule. To some degree I do, but there are times....terrible times...when I feel like everything is like water rising all around me, and very quickly with no help in sight.

There are just these things and more that my brain like to reject or be able to figure out completely. I am capable I know, but sometimes feeling discouraged trumps trying harder. 

On the bright side of life...like that old song goes: Keep on the sunny side of life, there is rest for the mind, encouragement to counteract the discouragement, and joy to cover it all. Though sometimes life can seem impossible and annoying, God promises that joy comes with the morning.

We wake up to a new day, to make new decisions, love on another level, praise more than the day before, focus more than you previously have, and even change your perspective on a few things. We have the gift of waking up and feeling new. How great God is that he made us to be who we are and that he brings the new day.

All to God

Thanks Midterms, for Perspective

This week...............is midterm week for those of us here at MACU. It's Wednesday which means it's halfway through midterms, and I am trying my hardest to get everything done. Passing courses, performing well, waking up and not feeling like someone just ran over you with an eighteen-wheeler, and then backed up slowly over you again, are all blessings. There is still a lot to get done and it makes me feel a little like this most days:

Books piling up, work stacking and never going into the "out" box. It's overwhelming sometimes and sometimes gets a little crazy, BUT these are the days you have to take a hold of. These are the days that show you your diligence, that show you your will to succeed in whatever is put before you. This, of course, is on a small scale.

So I have chosen to conquer my enemy with a smile and have faith in myself and God that I will be able to sift through the work and come out the other end academically unscathed.

See that face there? That's the face of champions. Or just a really tired girl taking a picture of herself at a skangle (sky angle) feeling confident about her work.

Either way, its getting there, Friday is on the horizon, all things will be said and done. Whatever I massacre on my grades now can be made up by December, but I would like to not have that perspective but instead have the perspective of "Oh yeah, I'm going to pass without a doubt". 

Anyway, it's stressful but I can do it, and if there is a student reading this I say YOU CAN TOO! It's not hard really, we just have to stop our abnormally ADD American brains from jumping around long enough to get stuff done (this is no offense to anyone who is clinically proven to be ADD, we just use that excuse to much about why we can't succeed when it isn't even proven to us.)

Well that's my spiel. I hope your midterms are turning out beautifully.

All to God

Fall and Other Things

I may look back at this post and think "I am NOT as content as I was", but today I am content. I am content with life today, and I don't know why. Just a peace I guess. After a stressful week, maybe it's God-given, who knows? But the good and absolute thing is I am content.

I mean, it's October, a wonderful month indeed. A favorite of mine among other months, it is just one of those transitional months that are beautiful and different, not to hot, not to cold (depending on where you are in the world).

Soon enough this wonderful weather and these beautiful leaves will fade just like they do every year. Suddenly our surroundings might look like this again.

But not yet! It is still October!

I am content but the weird thing is I have a stack of work that MUST get done and is very important, but I am very ok with not doing it this day.

(Notice the Starbucks bag beside it? Yeah, that helps me get through all this work.)

I'll let the stress build tomorrow. I'm a procrastinator even with stress, isn't it twisted? Another wonderful thing about today is that my Mom is coming to simply hang out with me! I love her way a lot, and she is an awesome woman...you should meet her, you'd be blessed.

She's gonna kill me for adding this picture but I think it's precious, so get over it Ma...with love of course!

Yes, there are a lot of different aspects about today that make me really like today (no 8am classes for one). But mostly I am taking today because I'm embracing the contentment. It's a wonderful thing. I am blessed.

All to God

Times Square Jesus

This past weekend I went to a new land. A land where grass is not terribly abundant, where life moves fast, and where the buildings are so tall that you feel like you are inside the whole time.

New York City! Where the stink is the sky? For this country raised individual it was rather fun to see a big city crammed together and to figure out how this thing works. Not that I haven't ever been to a big city before but this is NYC, hasn't this place been destroyed by aliens and other astronomical events about 100 times? I mean I've been to Tulsa and other places like it, but this had a different energy.

I wouldn't mind going back but if I do go back I might take a few musically inclined people with me because of a few reasons:

A) There were a group of Hindu people in the street just singing what seemed to be a joyful song and all the people crowded around seemed happy about it, which leads to this contrast...

B) All those who professed Christianity were screaming on the streets all these negative things, not letting the gospel do its job. They didn't allow for people to see Jesus.

Musically inclined people get your guitars tuned. I wouldn't mind going back and singing songs of hope on the street. I wouldn't mind going back and showing Christ right there on the street, none of this REPENT OF YOUR DIRTY SINS! Or GOD HATES EVIL! Some group of African American men were dressed in armor and yelled something out followed by BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN WHITE JESUS! Saturday night, Times Square....they were yelling a message of ridicule.

Made me want to join the Hindus.

But this city, like any city, is filled with good people. The whole time, I was having a fantastic time, but I couldn't help but wonder what would come of a simple gospel message through a great song on Times Square on a Saturday night. Do people need to repent? Of course, but that will come, it is an inevitable thing when someone accepts Jesus into their lives. 

But that's just me I suppose.

All to God

Stuck on Job

Can you draw out Leviathan with a hook in which you lower?. . .

No one is so fierce that he would stir him up.

Who then is able to stand against ME?

Who has preceded ME that I should pay him?

Everything under ME is MINE.

For those of you who don't know, Leviathan was thought to be either an earthly being or a mythical creature made up in ancient times. Nonetheless, God uses the description of Leviathan to show strength in creation and how powerful it can be. Then he puts it back into perspective, if God is creator of all things then Leviathan is a being created by God. God is greater than creation, this monster he speaks of is no threat to him whatsoever. 

But Job complained about his situation, and a sorrowful one it was. Boils, family destroyed, left with nothing but sackcloth and ashes. Though Job passed his test in the end I'd have to say that God had to prove a point to Job, that God is God in and through everything. Job was creation, Job was being terrorized by a created being, Job felt helpless and was ready for death. 

God had other plans, he decided to show Job who was in control of everything even the terrible Leviathan. He was and is God of all, and we should never be so put down that we are ready to give up on everything. God is God in and through everything. 

Job is one of my favorite books of the Bible because God really shows us who it is that holds the universe in hand. He even reveals places that he has been on, in, and around the earth while asking Job a series of questions:

Have you entered the springs of the sea?

Or have you walked in search of the depths?

Have the gates of death been revealed to you?

Or have you seen the doors of the shadow of death?

It's amazing to me that even now no man can delve to the depths of the ocean without his lungs bursting because of the pressure. He asks Job these things, and Job never even knew the technology we would have to get to the depths would even be available, yet God asks him this and with a resounding NO as the answer. 

Though Job is perceived to be a very very biblical ancient writing, application for today is ridiculous; hard times fall on a friend, friends come to console with maybe not so good advice or judgment, then God shows his power. 

God is God in and through everything.

All to God

How he speaks

So I've talked about my little testimony up here before. I have admitted that it is not the most fantastic, people won't be in awe, it's a simple, Bible belt/Christian family testimony. I've always thought it would be great to have a wonderful awe-inspiring testimony of how I came to know Christ but then I realize that's like saying:

"God I'm glad I know you, but couldn't you have come to me in a more dramatic way?"

The truth is the dramatic ways in which God comes into someone's life can come with a price. Though Jesus has already paid our ransom for as far as our sin goes, people in this world may not understand why we chose the path we have. It may even cost us our lives, or put a price on our heads (in extreme cases). But we count this world for not.

Anyway my point is, I think I figured out why my testimony is the way it is. Praise God I even have a testimony, a story of how I came to find him among the rubble of this life. 

I think my testimony, being as simple as it can be, was meant for me because maybe I was supposed to only see by faith. Now, all of us are called to walk by faith, but hear me out. Many people in their testimonies have seen great things, dreams, asking for some proof and immediately getting it, or other ways. I saw none of these things, I merely looked at what my mother taught me and challenged it until I was sure that what she was talking about was real. 

I felt inside when I did something bad, against God's commands, my gut would churn with guilt. Just feelings and my curiosity of my mother's teachings brought me to really be faithful to God. I saw the minimum.

There was no BAM, that just happened, kind of moment.

It was more like an "alright God, I've studied enough, I've heard enough I can say I believe in you now". It felt spectacular when I knew, but years following it felt general, it felt like common knowledge. But as life progressed I felt more and more that this knowledge is actually not very common, and people have warped views of my God. I feel like I have followed by faith, with very little sight, although I hunger for sight. 

That's not saying that I am holier than the person reading this right now, because my faith, at times, was very thin. I pleaded for sight, a real sign, significant even. But if I ever did receive something like a dream or something it was subtle, God is a God of subtlety at least for me. But ironically enough when I find the subtlety it SCREAMS at me once noticed. 

This is how God has chosen to speak to me in my life thus far.

How does he speak to you?

All to God

Check yourself

Lately I have been contemplating about whether or not I act more like a pagan or like the Christian I profess to be. There are different ways in which one can slip into less than stellar Christian character:

In the mind

In our words

In our actions

In what we watch

In what we listen too

I've been re-evaluating what it is that I do in all these aspects. I got to tell you that it's strange to ask yourself "am I a pagan in this aspect of my life?" Since school started a small part of me is tired, and lacking, and tearing my nerves up, and all that junk that comes along with school, and well....life.

Then I start to wonder if apathy is starting to invade my life. I quickly start to pray that it will go away, that the fire can be stoked again in my heart. But when apathy starts to grow, what I listen to, what I think, what I feel, and what I say can start to waver. It's not a comfortable feeling but once ingrained it's hard to get rid of. 

It's something to overcome and it happens to us all. Pagan is such a harsh thing to call someone let alone yourself. Something I never want to fess up and call myself. Check yourself.

All to God

I get frustrated.

I suppose I am at a level of frustration. I suppose I really just want to ask the question:

Do you love Jesus enough to go ANYWHERE for him?

When you say, "Oh I maybe could go one day somewhere different and minister". One day? I'm not buying it. If we are commissioned to go to the world now then what's with this "one day..." stuff? I don't want to hear anymore of this "When I get myself straight financially..." stuff anymore. I'm tired of the cop outs. I'm tired of excuses. 

I'm tired of statements that make stalling to GO seem justifiable.

I'm done with those who are supposed to be spiritual leaders not taking leaps of faith, and just not leading. I'm tired of being a woman and not seeing men step up where they are needed. I'm tired of being a woman and seeing other women not be strong women of God because their focus is not there. 

Would you go to slums, projects, or villages and live there to be witnesses of Christ? Slums in India, projects in NYC, or in the villages of Southeast Asia? Would you be a Jonah? 

Kicking and screaming and still pouting after all was said and done?

Or an Isaiah?

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

'Whom shall I send?

And whom shall go for Us?'

Then I said, 'Here am I Lord! Send me!'

Do you love Him enough to be sent in blind? Do you have that kind of faith? All I know is, I'm tired of it. There are to many Jonah's who never even have enough faith to fess up that they are the one's causing the storm and let the boat be crushed to pieces. 

I'm over the excuses. I thank God for all types of ministries, especially the one's we simply live out with our lives primarily. This is not a missions push. This is not a my ministry is better than yours thing. It's an are you willing to go anywhere for the God who saved your soul and pay it forward? Thing. Yes, I'm sick of the apathy and people doing the comfortable thing. 

It's something I cannot tolerate anymore. Don't tell me you couldn't do it. Don't let me hear "It takes a special kind of person to go over there..." Don't give me the excuse that you're to old. Don't tell me you want to "live your life first". Don't tell me you couldn't go without what you have now. Don't give me this junk. 

I won't take it or believe it. WE ARE CALLED TO DO THIS, EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE.

THE CHURCH, BELIEVERS, THE BODY.

ALL OF US.

Please don't give me weak excuses, I've heard most of them. This includes ministry in America as well. Don't get it twisted. We are called to do the job. We are qualified by blood and guided by an undeserved gift. We squander this opportunity. 

Please go. Please.

Go and do work for the Lord.

Please go and love and work.

Get out there in this world.

Please just stop making excuses and GO.

Please.

All to God

Oh the past...

So do you ever have those moments when you remember something you did in your past and have a gut wrenching embarrassment in the pit of your stomach even if nobody knows about it? Yeah, everybody has stuff they did that they are not proud of.

Sometimes we let it eat at us which furthers the embarrassment, even if that embarrassing memory lives only in your mind.

Then you think "Oh dear...yep, God knows about it." Then you start to feel unworthy and worse..worthless. Sometimes it can leave a pit in your stomach. Well, yeah, God knows about it...okay, so what do you do?

It's been a relief for me to actually acknowledge this thing that gnaws at me in His presence, such as in times of prayer. It's also a relief to me to see the cross that means forgiveness, but leave the foot of the cross and carry mine in a more righteous way as best I can.

I bring this up because sometimes conversations with friends are revealing. I write this in a very thankful mood. Thankful to know that other people aren't perfect either, and God still loves them too. Thankful for friends who don't expect judgement from me so I get no judgement from them. Thankful for Biblical characters who were real showing their embarrassing downfalls yet God still saw them as righteous such as David.

Whatever I've done, whatever you've done, chances are...it's not the first time a godly person has let themselves and God down in the way you have or I have. We are imperfect, it's not an excuse, but it is a reality.

We feel bad because we strive to be perfect in God's eyes

The truth is we WILL let God down, and the truth is he KNEW we would. The embarrassment we feel, the smallness we feel inside of ourselves, it serves it's purpose. For a time it keeps us humble, it keeps us down to earth. But sooner or later, life has to continue and these memories may be a part of your past but they don't have to be a part of your future. 

So basically....

A lot of us are in the same boat

Oh and one more thing, the word hypocrite is poison to your heart

Quite calling yourself that

God loves us, imperfections and all, which is one thing I love about God..among so many others. If we stand up straight and take on what we've done and decide to carry that cross a little more confidently understanding humility in our imperfection, we should not use the word hypocrite inside of ourselves. 

It's good to be in the same boat, it is certainly a way to get close to others.

All to God

It was not a dream

Since I've been back in the States for this amount of time I have to keep reminding myself "it was NOT a dream". Sometimes I catch myself in a daydream mode and I suddenly remember that no, I have not been here more than a month yet, so why does it all seem like it's been going on forever?

In these daydream dazes I catch myself in, I become reminded of a certain thing that happened in Bosnia. If someone misspells something, for example if I type "I was writing my bog" when instead I meant "I was writing my blog" I look at the misspelled word and immediately think "God". Why? Well Bog (B-oh-g) in Bosnian means God. These unexpected reminders flash memories in my mind and then I think "right, I was there".

After these simple reminders I start remembering what little time I've been in the States and how much I have been doing since I got here. Unfortunately it's very hard to share your excitement for a place like Bosnia in a place where people know very little about the place and frankly will only tolerate about a 5 minute conversation about it. It's even more frustrating when you have no one to practice language with.

Because let's be honest..

If I just start speaking randomly, it's just random..

Also, everyone around me is apt to use the phrase "showing off"..

So as close as this past summer is, it seems far away. The experience was significant, the decisions were real, and the people are missed. It's those simple glimpses of the summer that makes me think "what happened to that?" 

I guess I feel like I got used to this normal rather quickly and it's slightly disheartening how I've melded into this place without much talk of this summer. Talking about it is good. With people who are interested. That's always good. 

So yeah that's a tidbit of what I'm feeling right now.

All to God

All I got for this week.

Have you ever been sick and taking an intensive class at the same time? Sitting in a classroom for almost 10 hours for a whole week coughing up what has built up in mucous-y lungs, feeling drowsy still because of the NyQuil you took the night before?

I'm feelin' ya.

It has given me a resulting feeling as if I am a horrible student and my teacher is not fond of me. Although I am 100% sure that at least half of that statement is not true, I am still inclined to feel it. It's just one of those times that you really know you have to push through or that $1,000 you payed will be all for not if you even miss one class. Really one of the worst weeks to be sick.

My intensive is on the book of Matthew. If I were fully healthy this class would intrigue me very much, but I CANNOT focus.

It's been a hard week. Bottom line. But I just have to put my big girl pants on and deal with it because this weekend is just as busy as this week. Yeah, well enough about me.

Today some new students are coming to town. They are moving in the dorms and they will be a part of our family. I am going to be a part of the system that helps them along the way (not just new students but all..) and I ask that you pray for them. I ask that you pray for their year at MACU, that they will be shown how they can best serve God in the Kingdom. Thanks.

All to God

This week in the Homeland...

It's been a little over a week since I've written you, a lot has bee going on since I've been back in the States. It was my first time travelling internationally alone and it was a huge success. The entire 9 hour flight I could swear that plane barely moved due to turbulence. God was really with me the whole time I was travelling.

Being home for a few days was very nice, catching up on sleep (kinda) was glorious. This week it was back to school for a moment to undergo RA training. It's been good fun being with fellow RA's and just getting comfortable with one another again, especially as a team. Although this week has been very tiring, it has made me very excited to take on this responsibility.

It's still a battle of packing and moving, packing and moving. Soon this will end and some kind of normal will come out of this. My first semester is not met with an easy tasks, just have to keep my head up and keep on keepin' on I suppose.

Thank you for your prayers this past summer and please continue to pray as I am on the verge of graduating and moving forward with plans to return to Bosnia for a year. You all have been an incredible encouragement to me and that's cool, really cool.

All to God

Unfinished business

I'm not the first to have felt this way, but as my impending day of departure is nearly at the doorstep, I must say, I am leaving unfinished business. I'm no busy body and I'm not saying there was absolutely no downtime here, because there was, just some business in my heart that is left undone. It's like I'm leaving something behind and that something is very valuable.

It's a feeling of elation and desperation because of the things I've done and the people I've met, I am elated to know these people and have the opportunity to do these things. Desperation comes when you know you can no longer have a friendship in person, face to face, until you can return. Desperate to continue meeting in the same place instead of via internet or mail. Let me counteract my point by saying I am very thankful that the world is at our fingertips, using the technology we have, if we use it in a wise manner.

Not to mention the unfinished business of fully learning this language.

I am very happy to be getting back to the people I've loved my entire life, and those I've come to know and love throughout the years. For a while now I've started to see the shape of my own heart, tonight it is full of love. It sounds really cliche but it's true, I can't help that these people, even those I can't communicate well with have taken hold of me. I know all of this sounds dramatic...sometimes that's just how my way of writing out love can be.

Mark my words

Ja ću doći opet

(Yeah that was supposed to be dramatic)

Well my friends thank you for the prayers and also there is something else to pray about going on this month that you should click on the highlighted words (link) and really spend some time praying about. That's just my suggestion. Anyway, thank you for your love and being here with me this summer through prayer and encouragement. You are such a blessing.

All to God

Something to pray about

Hey guys...

Ramadan starts tomorrow.

Pray for the Muslims around the world especially in this month.

If you are unsure what Ramadan is, it is the month in which Mohammad the prophet of Allah according to Islam gained prophecies. We know these prophecies according to Mohammad as the Qur'an. He fasted this entire month, everyday until sundown, so Muslims carry on that ritual. They abstain from things like food, drink, cigarettes, and sexual relations until sundown.

I just ask that you pray that God will show them the right path, that maybe one day they will also pray in Jesus name.

All to God

A blindfold and a few steps later...

All I want to say is when I was ten I gave my life to Christ. I was ten and the words "giving my life" to Christ were not really as apparent as they are now that I am older. Literally to give it away, freely, willingly, intentionally, without inhibition. To make the conscious decision that this is a big deal and knowing that no matter what age you are. Looking back, that ten year old made a seemingly scary decision. Looking forward from where I stand now,

she still made a scary decision, but it's so worth it.

Following someone who tells you to put your blindfold on and start walking at the age of ten sounds like stranger danger to me. This would be the case if Jesus were a stranger. But, alas, he is no stranger. I like to think that Jesus, at a young age, had to actually make the decision to be the Christ. He was tempted yes? He was fully human as well as God yes? Something in me believes that Jesus had to look at what he knew he was to become and accept it (as he did) or deny it. I think Jesus had his free will as does any of us, which I think makes Jesus a Savior in more ways than one. But the point is, it must have been one scary decision.

This is a point in my life (again) where I relate to Jesus on this matter. Here and now I take comfort in knowing that he knows what I am through because he experienced it here on earth. This is my Savior. The one who knows that the decisions I make though hard, can be for his Kingdom. That ten year old girl all those years ago probably couldn't imagine the future before her at the age of 21. 

Luke 9:62 "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the Kingdom of God."

My hand is firm on the plow.

Thank you for your prayers and continued prayers. Thank you for the love, and the prayers on behalf of these people here. Thank you.

All to God

In all Honesty..again

Well a lot has happen in the past few weeks, I suppose I want to share it in all honesty. Here we go.

1. In all honesty, there is a cat screeching outside right now and it's super annoying, especially at 11:30pm (or later), it's kind of a common occurrence.

2. Yes, I dressed up as a Gryffindor student for the opening show of Harry Potter 7 pt 2, and I might of had a wand....and I was honestly not proud of what I was wearing. Honestly I did it for my friend who I love.

3. Honestly, can't say I wasn't extremely excited when a Bosnian told me I spoke Bosnian well. I think the good Lord knew I needed some encouragement in that area. You could see I was being honest when I was describing how bashful I am at speaking this language.

4. Being a missionary is hard bet you didn't know that. Specially when you get a surprise facebook message about something big that happened back home.

5. Even after saying that, honestly, I really want to do something overseas for a year. I can't help that the Lord fashioned my heart to this kind of ministry.

6. Honestly, I've played Cities and Knights more, it's an ok game. It's good I took those few weeks to sit out and watch for a while.

7. Sometimes sitting outside in Bosnia reminds me of the beach...weird.

8. Honestly, I think I can learn this language, more and more pieces have started to fit together.

9. Really, I am excited to get back to school to finish out my college career, I really hope it's to finish my college career. I hope my last year can make someone's first year worth it.

10. I leave in two weeks. I leave....again...in two weeks. Another summer down. Honestly, I miss my family, I miss my friends, but goodness have recent events put things in perspective. Everyday (more than most in America) people die without knowing Christ, every...single..day. Honestly there's work to be done, and I am willing to do it.

There's my honesty for now. Thank you all for your prayers. I would ask now specifically, for a moment to shift some of your prayer time and pray for my family in the States. There has been loss in the family, pray for them as they go through everything that comes with loss. But by all means please do not forget to pray for these people and their spiritual well-beings, pray for them please. As always thanks for your prayers for me, they are felt everyday.

All to God

Like sand through the hour glass....

I have started and stopped writing two times now and I fully intend on writing YOU, my wonderful readers. A lot has been going on these past few weeks, goat roasts, village weddings, and soon a one night stay in Goražde a few hours away from here. Made new friends, and continuing with language classes.

These days are going by fast and soon I will be back in America with my much missed friends and family. With that said it is heavy on my heart that I am leaving. Relationships are starting to stick again, language is improving, not to mention it's hard to leave my missionary friends. It's like taking a fourth of a really interesting class and not finishing it. Having to stop learning (directly) language and culture is one of the most frustrating things. Leaving these relationships behind with merely the scaffolding attached is ridiculously hard.

Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement through my time here and I hope you will continue for the rest of my time in Bosnia. I hope you will continue to pray for this place and it's people. You are all so good to me and have lifted me up while I have been here. I hope you do the same for the people here, the workers, and their work. Thanks for the blessing.

All to God

A rather significant confession

You know, when someone tells you that learning a new language is a humbling experience, I suppose you should listen. To know that the words that will come out of your mouth will sound foreign, weird, and sometimes downright wrong, can make one feel vulnerable and silly. To be around native people and to not be able to speak a word is humbling in itself, but when you have some of the necessary tools to say something but don't for fear of feeling rude and inhospitable might be a touch more humbling.

Hello my name is Emilie and I am a language perfectionist. I admit, dear readers, that when I try to use what I know it is hard for me to get the words out. This is caused by the facts that I pointed out when I was being honest when I wrote you last. Bosnian is a hard language to learn and it has 7 cases that I have not mastered yet. Also my vocabulary is not entirely extensive; I am how most would say, a baby in this language and I have not lost grip of reality to think that I should be fluent by now. No, I am surprised at how far I've come and the things I do know, but I am an impatient soul sometimes and feel the need to push forward when I am not ready yet.

However, I am aware of this weakness/stubbornness of mine. I will wish I never wrote this post later because  a few people who live in this household will read this and use it against me when I don't speak ;).  I guess sometimes I do just need a swift kick in the behind. Let's just say I've learned a lot about myself this trip to the old world.

Maybe I should make a bit more use of a rječnik to broaden that vocabulary a smidge. So there you have my confession of the day, my name is Emilie and I am a language perfectionist. It's like two sides pulling in opposite directions because on the one side I really, deeply want to speak and build better relationships with the people in their native tongue. But on the other there is this monstrous pull to not say anything because what might come out of my mouth might be completely wrong with a hint of ridiculous on the side.


Let me say, I understand how absolutely ridiculous all of this sounds. I am aware that this sounds completely cowardice. I am not writing these words with joy but with a heart of change I suppose. 


Well my friends I guess that is it for now and I will ask you to pray for this specific subject for me, that as I try to speak words, no matter how silly, will come out of my mouth. Thank you for your prayers up to this point and I am so glad that I can come to you with something specific knowing that it will be prayed for. As I've said before please continue to pray for this nation, it's believers and non-believers, it's workers and future workers. Also my friends another specific for your prayer time, pray for the churches established here, pray for strength in unity. Thank you for your prayers.


All to God

In all Honesty

Time for honesty hour from an American spending a summer in Bosnia. I do hope you enjoy, most of this is off the cuff and just flowing from my mind to my fingers all in one fluid(ish) motion.

1. Bosnia is a VERY beautiful place.
2. You would be jealous of the view from the balcony on this house in the day and at night

...Seriously this city is lit up (specially when a futbol, soccer, game is going on and the stadion is in use).

3. I am absolutely a terrible player of the game Cities and Knights, I have opted to never play it.
4. I love walking into town even on a hot day rather than riding in a car.
5. Food is better here than it is in America, I suppose you never would have guessed
6 Just to be on the safe side....BOSNIA IS NOT IN AFRICA, just a reminder

Not that that has anything to do with me being here..oh well..I digress..

7. We do not have to hide the fact that we are Christian, these people are hospitable and tolerant (which is a good and bad thing)
8. Most of the non-Christians I have met here have more of a Christ-like nature than some Christians I know.

Seriously, how many of us would say that we would offer foreigners things to drink when money is too short and we are barely making ends meet. Sometimes..even when we don't make ends meet.

9. Turkish toilets squatty potties are not the devil, if you know how to take a wiz without sitting on anything (ladies).
10. In some places you may have to pay to take a wiz..or number 2. One mark (about 70 cent, depending on the exchange rate) will get you into the potty just fine.
11. This language is a little crazy and may allow you to say words you might not even like to come close to saying, like Bihac (C with a V on it's head makes the CH sound making this word sound like this Bee-Ha-Ch)

Or Bec, same C with the same CH sound making this word sound like Bay-Ch. Or other places may make us think of American icons like the Dough Boy from Pillsbury in the town of Doboj, pronounced precisely the same as the icon himself.

12. As hard as it is to learn, it's fun to learn, and I am having a good time learning it, and my teacher, she's a good one.
13. The call of prayer goes off and I like the way it sounds. But it is also another reminder of the work that is still to be done here.
14. In all honesty...some people (most people) feed us WAAAAYYYY to much, not that I'm complaining, just being honest, (at least it's delicious...right?).
15. I've come to see that the kuma or maid/matron of honor for a Bosnian wedding has a ton more responsibilities than they do in the States. A little stressful, and expensive it seems to me.
16. I hate the language barrier, in all honesty..it's like I'm a mute person taking up space in a Bosnian home. But..to be fair...in all honesty, sometimes I choose not to speak because I'm someone who wants every word to be correct and every grammar rule put to good use. I suppose I should just open my mouth.

Well that's a little bit of honesty I suppose, at least for now. I'll put more "In all honesty" things up here. Just give it a little more time and more will arrive.

Well thanks friends for your prayers and encouragement. Thank you for all you do for me on my behalf. Another in all honesty comment, I would really appreciate it if you all would pray for this nation, these people, and the strongholds there are here. Thank you for everything.

All to God

Thoughts before I say Good-night

Just wanted to write to you once again. I guess just to say that I am contemplative tonight before I go to bed. I guess just to say it's not a breezy life and we should not be so surprised when the breeze turns into a monsoon. Not saying I'm going through a monsoon, but as I have written, I am thinking about the future and looking for that subtle God-breathed hint as I am moving forward into a life in missions.

Tonight I guess I'm just saying I praise God for the search, I even praise him for the fog that we sometimes have to go through to find a clearing. I do this because I know that it makes me seek him more, have more faith, and ultimately understand how to rely on God instinctively without a hitch. I praise him for the fog because his glory is shown in the clearing.

I have learned areas of my life that need correcting, sustaining, training, and nurturing. He has brought me to these conclusions, not completely out of the fog but it's improving. Well, that's it for tonight. Thank you for your prayers and love. Thank you for reaching me in your time communicating with God. Pray for this nation, I can only ask that of you as I have before. Thank you, from way over here.

All to God

Are You Listening?

On the lookout for God's words. They come, softly, barely a whisper, at least it seems thats how he chooses to speak to me. It's rare that he screams out loud, when he does it's normally to keep my foot on the path. It's a strange and rather tedious way that I have to listen. I ask him to tell me what to do, what would be his wish for some certain decision or what have you, and he does. He tells me in the most subtle of ways, just like he is constantly asking:

Are you listening? 

I've been given the challenge this summer to find out what I want to do with my life in missions. Well I can't exactly answer that question yet, but I have this incredible urgency to find out. Who knows, it may be the dawn of graduation day before I figure it out, but the fact of the matter is I know I will find out. I am waiting and moving and doing as best I can looking for this subtle hint. I know some God ordained, revolutionary mission tactic will not jump into my brain, nor am I asking for it either. I am simply asking God, what do you want?

This seems like an absurd question. Of course God wants each and every person who believes in him to go and make disciples, give and give some more, be selfless, carry that cross like you're carrying your grandmother out of a burning building. Yes these are examples of what God wants us to do, but there comes a time in life where you have to ask this absurd question and it seems, at least for me, he keeps saying; are you listening?

I want to scream at the top of my lungs OF COURSE I'M LISTENING! But sometimes this would be a lie. Other things clutter my mind thus cluttering my ear space making it hard to concentrate on the one thing that would help me out most in life. Here I must interpose a colloquial saying, -well isn't that the devil-. It very well may be, however, we cannot blame the devil for everything, though I have no sympathy for him and he is the master of all evil, I cannot say that he clogs my ears all the time.  I am just as stubborn as the next imperfect person in need of a Savior.

But subtly just like noticing a budding flower on the side of the road, I hear him. It might take a couple of listens but in the end I get it all. I scrape the bowl as it were, and I know just what to do. I'm hoping this subtle, quiet, but ever faithful voice will be like a buzz in my ear. That absurd question won't be so absurd anymore and my life can continue being wrapped around the one who made my life possible.

My friends, as I listen for this still small voice, I am thanking you still in the loudest voice I know how to use. Thank you for the thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. Your prayers reach me everyday and I thank you so much and I will not stop. Again, please continue to pray for the people of this nation, they are in dire need of your prayers. Thank you.

All to God

That Little Nudge

Every time I come here I find out more and more things about myself a lot that I don't like and willing to change and a few things that I do like. This post is not meant to boost my ego or throw myself in the pity pond and allow you to pull me out through nice words and encouragement. No, my friends, this is just realizations that happen and there is this nudging inside that pushes one to actually give a hoot about what they are feeling enough to change it. 

I went through a period last summer much like this, I suppose it's normal. A time reflecting on who I want to be, what I want to be, who I am, and what I am now. The infamous self discovery time that hasn't happened all in one sitting in my life but in various parts of it. But more important than just who I want to be it's who God wants me to be. It's spelled out in plain language right there in this thing we call the Bible. However some things are easier said than done.

It's a place where winding and and uphill are not the greatest places to be. However, when you turn each bend and you pick up a piece of this puzzle, it is easier to push forward to see who you will be in God when you reach the top. I realize my time here is not about me, at least I don't entirely view it that way. There has been no huge crisis, no problem, nothing that has prompted this except for that little nudge. Sometimes this nudge can throw you for miles or kilometers depending on where you are in the world.

Well there just ain't no forgetting this nudge (how's that for awesome language and grammar?) I suppose I don't have an incredible story of converts and wonderful coincidences to share, but I do have this; God is working on the hearts of people here, and he's working on mine too. How great a process, how beautiful the outcome.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement my friends. You have kept me afloat and I hope that you have said a little prayer on behalf of the people in this place. If you have thank you so much. God is good and he hears our prayers so thank you for praying them! I love you all.

All to God

Teeny Tiny Update and some Beauty on the Side

It's been hot here for the past few days. I know..I know those of you in America are thinking past few days? Try since the middle of May! BUT I'm sorry my friends most of you have air conditioning and are not in need of closing every blind, door, and window before the heat of the day sets in which is around 10 a.m. I'm not complaining it is just a mere fact I'm throwing out there. I digress.

Sans the heat, it's been a fairly nice time. This week we got to rest a bit before today's kid's camp in a village school. Beth had her last cancer treatment hopefully EVER! You may applause where you are sitting, standing, or perhaps lying at the moment. She's been a trooper, and it has been a blessing to see her at the end of it all. Seeing her at the beginning of it all only makes the end so much better. Although I could only read about the happenings in between and I only know a fragment of this whole treatment thing, I am very happy for Beth.

These past few days have produced beautiful scenery. The sun bright in the sky as well as mostly blue skies has made everything so vibrant and green, but sometimes unexpectedly...blue..

Walking past this fantastic flower, the entire group was amazed at how vivid it was in comparison to it's surroundings. Bosnia is a beautiful place with beautiful people. Unexpected beauty tends to pop up in this country, it's kind of unexplainable. No, I can't tell you why wild daisies grow on a mountain side but it's awesome nonetheless.

Just a little update on how things are going over here with a small blurb about the beautification this place seems to crop up. Well, thank you all for continued prayers and thoughts they are more than greatly appreciated. There is so much need for prayer for the people of this country and of course, like I said when I wrote you last, I wouldn't mind sharing a slice of the prayer time you happen to use on my behalf with the people of this nation. So thank you for all that you've done, all that you're doing, and all that you will do.

All to God

The Individual

I have prayed for this country in it's entirety, many many times. I've prayed that God would blanket this city, this nation. I've prayed that whole people groups would come to know Christ, I've prayed that workers would be strengthened and work diligently. I've prayed. I know God has heard every one of my prayers and constantly he comes back with "I'm workin' on it", because the God of justice can force people to believe in him but he won't, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The fact of the matter is God is interested in the individual. Here in this country, this concept is very important. There is no whole families coming to Christ and and individual coming forward does not happen very often. It can be a very discouraging aspect of ministering in a Muslim dominated place. However, as recited previously any action of God never comes back void.

"In the end, responding to the gospel is not something meant for nations or communities or even churches; it is meant for individuals--one person at a time" -Richard Stearns

 When an individual reacts to the gospel message this is a catalyst for churches, communities, and eventually nations. This nation needs national individuals to know Christ as the path and the only path to salvation. Shame is a constant demon here, those interested in Christ as their Savior are stunted by the concept of being shunned from family members.

Let's admit it, being cast out from everyone you know and love is a scary thought, usually American households do not shun those in their family of different faith, they may not like it, but they love them despite the difference.

This nation needs the God of salvation, not only to blanket this country, but to swaddle the individual, yes, swaddle them. It will happen, in His time. Thank you for your prayers and your love. Thank you for taking a slice out of your time to pray for me. I would be happy to share a slice of the time I get to be in your prayers with the people of this nation, so please pray for them. Thanks.

All to God